Dating violence quiz

A propos de séparatisme et de cancel culture, un quiz (partie 3)

2020.11.15 16:16 Cress-Evening A propos de séparatisme et de cancel culture, un quiz (partie 3)

Avec beaucoup de retard (désolée si des fois vous guettiez la publication du post), voici la dernière partie de ma série de quiz sur le séparatisme, l'anti-républicanisme, la cancel culture.
(Partie 1 ici, partie 2 ).
[Content Warning : citations comprenant de nombreuses minimisations de crimes et délits ainsi que des incitations à la haine.]
[Les sources sont à retrouver dans la partie commentaires. Dans un souci d'alléger le post.]
Qui a dit ou écrit ...?
1) " Marianne a le sein nu parce qu'elle nourrit le peuple, elle n'est pas voilée parce qu'elle est libre ! C'est ça, la République !"
Réponse Manuel Valls, lors d'un discours en Août 2016.
2) "Je pense que cette tendance à vouloir mettre les hommes et les femmes à égalité est purement idiote. Je pense que c'est le résultat des progrès de la médecine. La pilule a beaucoup changé les femmes de notre temps, en les masculinisant"
Réponse Roman Polanski, lors de la conférence de presse à Cannes pour La Vénus à la fourrure, en mai 2013.
3) "La France est le pays de l'amour courtois, c'est la nation où les femmes président les tables, où la liberté avance le sein dénudé [...] chez nous la virilité ne consiste pas à lever la main sur une femme, mais à lever la main sur celui qui ose lever la main sur une femme."
// Réponse, c'était difficile, Guillaume Bigot, éditorialiste sur CNews, 13 septembre 2020.
4) "Cette salope !"
Réponse Patrick Devedjian, en 2007 près de l'Assemblée nationale, à propos d'une ex-députée : Marie Comparini.
5) "J’avais préparé une vanne mais vu que je suis un mâle blanc hétéro, je vais fermer ma gueule."
Réponse Guillaume Gallienne, sur la scène des César 2019.
6) "J'ai été heureux pour plein de prix, après je m'interroge quand même sur le choix de la famille du cinéma français à vouloir tout le temps prôner la diversité culturelle et tout ça, parfois je ne sais pas à quel point le moteur de tout cela est artistique ou politique."
Réponse Guillaume Gallienne en 2016, à propos du film Fatima.... qu'il n'avait pas vu.
7) "Si d'un seul coup on dit : "Les femmes sont payées comme les hommes" tout le monde va applaudir mais les entreprises vont avoir beaucoup de mal à encaisser ce surcoût de main d'oeuvre."
Réponse Christophe Barbier sur France 5, en 2017.
8) "Et puis si on est au SMIC, ben faut peut être pas divorcer dans ces cas là. A un moment donné faut prendre sa vie en main, faut arrêter de se plaindre, faut assumer."
Réponse Julie Graziani sur LCI, novembre 2019.
9) Pour expliquer pourquoi certains ne changent de slip qu'une fois par semaine : "En général, la femme fait la lessive une fois par semaine. Si vous aviez un peu la connaissance du travail quotidien ..."
Réponse Jean Claude Dassier sur CNEWS, en mars 2020.
10) "depuis longtemps, dans la société française de souche, que ce soit le judaïsme ou le catholicisme, on ne peut pas dire qu’il y ait une oppression des femmes."
Réponse Elisabeth Badinter, au Magazine l'Arche en 2003.
11) "Ce n'est pas une messe qui ébranlera notre République, mais plutôt certaines dérives inadmissibles que nous combattons, dont le voile islamique à l'école, l'ouverture des piscines réservées aux femmes, les menaces à l'encontre des gynécologues hommes, la polygamie etc"
Réponse Chantal Brunel, porte-parole UMP, en septembre 2008 à l'occasion de l'accueil réservé au pape par Nicolas Sarkozy et des débats sur la laïcité "positive".
12) "Je fais des opérations très difficiles avec mes tripes, donc aux choses auxquelles je ne crois pas, je ne les fais plus. Nous nous ne sommes pas la pour retirer des vies" "Ce n'est pas un homicide" "Si, madame".
Réponse Bertrand De Rochambeau, président du Syndicat national des gynécologues (Syngof) à Quotidien, en septembre 2019. Ce syndicat invitait ses membres à faire la grève des ivg pour se faire entendre sur le sujet de collègues condamnés pour faute médicale.
13) "La liberté de conscience est le droit le plus fondamental de toute société. Une société qui l'annihile, ça s'appelle une dictature. L'objection de conscience fait partie du droit médical et elle est intouchable. Ce droit doit être absolument préservé, je peux vous dire que les médecins vont réagir durement si on y touche".
Réponse Michel Aupetit, archevêque de Paris et ancien médecin, en septembre 2018.
14) "Philosophiquement et compte tenu de ma foi personnelle, je ne peux pas approuver l'avortement".
Réponse François Fillon, lors d'un meeting, le 22 juin 2016.
15) "Oui, j'ai participé deux ou trois fois aux "Marches pour la vie" . Cette question de l'IVG est une conviction personnelle que j'assume."
Réponse François-Xavier Bellamy, tête de liste LR, au JDD, le 20 janvier 2019.
16) "Il est inenvisageable de débattre de l'IVG dans la sphère politique parce que l'Église a renoncé à mener ce combat. La société paye une forme de complexe ecclésiastique parce que, soit disant l'église catholique aurait collaboré, aurait colonisé."
Réponse Marion Maréchal Le Pen à KTO, en février 2017.
17) "En réalité elle est bénéfique aux femmes. Ce n'est pas parce qu'on supprimera la double clause de conscience qu'on aura plus de médecins qui pratiqueront l'IVG."
Réponse Agnès Buzyn, alors ministre de la santé, à l'AN en 2019. A mettre en parallèle avec les certificats de virginité.
18) à propos d'un collègue jugé puis condamné pour agressions sexuelles : "[Il] n’est coupable de rien, si ce n’est des petites choses sur le plan du comportement" et "[elles] ont été séduites-déçues, ce qui les a rendu sans pitié"
Réponse Israël Nisand, président du collège national des gynécologues et obstétriciens, lors d'un colloque en 2016.
19) Au sujet de Greta Thunberg : "Elle a le visage, l’âge, le sexe et le corps d’un cyborg du troisième millénaire: son enveloppe est neutre. Elle est hélas ce vers quoi l’Homme va."
Réponse Michel Onfray, sur son blog, juillet 2019.
20) "des photos t’ont récemment montré partout sur la toile aux Antilles enlaçant un beau black, bodybuildé en prison et luisant de sueur tropicale, ce qui semblait te ravir jusqu'au plus profond – si tu me permets l’expression…"
"c’est proprement manquer de doigté envers la République que de se laisser mettre de la sorte en arborant ce sourire radieux qui témoigne de ton contentement."
"Ce sourire, c’est le même que tu arborais sur les marches de l’Elysée le jour de la fête de la musique en compagnie d’une brochette d’individus, eux-aussi férus de ce très subtil langage des signes. On ne dira pas que tu caches ton jeu. Il n’y a que les crétins pour feindre que tu dissimules. Tu es du genre à nous le mettre bien profond,"
"Qu’y-a-t-il entre lui et toi pour que se trouvent détruites les preuves des coups tordus de cette affaire ? De quels doigts et de quels fondements symboliques, ou non, est-il ici question ?"
" Tout le monde a pu voir que tu étais capable de changer la loi pour récompenser Philippe Besson qui est à ta personne ce que Heidegger fut à Hitler, Sartre à Staline, Sollers à Mao"
"Un homme qui est capable de passer par-dessus la loi pour récompenser un intellectuel qui le…, qui le…, disons, qui chante ses mérites,"
Réponse Michel Onfray, sur son blog, octobre 2018.
21) "La bonne mère est nécessairement incestueuse et pédophile" et "En vérité, pas de bonne paternité possible sans l'acceptation de son homosexualité latente, et un soupçon de pédophilie !"
Réponse Elisabeth Badinter dans XY, De l'identité masculine, 1992.//
22) “Je voudrais adresser un salut républicain à monsieur Christophe Girard, qui m’a donné hier une grande leçon de dignité et je veux saluer l’homme.”
Réponse Didier Lallement, au Conseil de Paris.
23) "normal que l'on demande aux jeunes filles, lorsqu'elles commencent à être désirables, de faire en sorte qu'elles ne provoquent personne."
Réponse Xavier Darcos, le 9 octobre 2003 sur LCI, alors ministre délégué à l'enseignement scolaire, à l'époque où l'"on débattait" non pas du burkini ou du crop top mais du string.
24) "Des chefs d'établissement ont réagi en interdisant le string à l'école. C'est une bonne chose.[...] Après, on s'étonne que les adolescentes soient victimes d'attouchements ou de violences sexuelles."
Réponse Ségolène Royal, également en octobre 2003, alors députée et ex-déléguée à l'enseignement scolaire.
25) "Bah bien sûr que ça déconcentre les garçons. Moi quand je vais dans la rue, des jeunes filles avec le crop top, ça me déconcentre."
Réponse Alain Finkielkraut sur LCI, septembre 2020.
26) "Il y a des phénomènes de violence [sexuelle] qui s'exprime parce qu'on nie une réalité corporelle qui est la différence sexuelle."
Réponse Xavier Breton, député LR, lors d'un débat sur LCP titré "L'éducation sexuelle à l'école est-elle tabou ?" Mais qui en réalité était un débat "pour ou contre respecter la loi ?", face à Alexandra Louis, qui n'a donc pas de souci à s'y plier gentiment. Moins choquée que par les """mensonges"""" des militantes féministes sur la loi pour laquelle elle était rapporteure.
27) "... au Canada, dans un collège […] où l’écriture inclusive concerne les catégories suivantes : LGGBDTTTIQQAAP. C’est-à-dire lesbiennes, gay, genders, queers, bisexuels, demi-sexuels, transgenres. Et ils ont oublié les onanistes, les fétichistes et les pédophiles. On ne voit pas pourquoi ils seraient exclus."
Réponse Pascal Bruckner sur France 5, en octobre 2017.
28) "13 ans à l’époque, c’est peut-être pas 13 ans aujourd’hui. Aujourd'hui maintenant la morale..."
Réponse Vincent Cassel, sur France 2 en octobre 2017, à propos de son interprétation de Gauguin.
29) A Matzneff : "Vous avez vu quand même comme les temps ont changé parce qu'il y a quelques décennies vous étiez célébré et aujourd'hui vous êtes presque mis à l'index."
Réponse Franz Olivier Giesberg sur France 2 en 2009.
30) A Matzneff : "Vous qui êtes un écrivain du bonheur, qui célébrez à la Stendhal la joie de vivre..."
Réponse François Busnel sur France 5 en 2015. Piece of shit.
31) " Gabriel Matzneff dans son écriture et dans la façon dont il s'adresse aux jeunes, ce qu'on lui a d'aileurs suffisamment reproché, est éternellement jeune. Moi Matzneff m'a toujours donné envie de boire, de lire et de baiser."
Réponse David Abiker sur Paris Première en 2017.
32) "Moi, ça me donne envie de dire aux réactionnaires qui nous tombent dessus en ce moment: oui je suis pédophile, oui je suis gay, oui je suis lesbienne. Evidemment, toute cette affaire est dégueulasse pour Dany Cohn-Bendit."
Réponse Romain Goupil en Février 2001.
33) "Klaus Barbie, ok, tu t’acharnes sur lui jusqu’au bout. Polanski, j’ai vraiment du mal. Faut pas mettre tout le monde dans le même panier" et " J’espère qu’on va continuer à se séduire."
Réponse Mathieu Kassovitz, en Février et Mars 2020 à Paris Match et sur la scène des César. (= l'Etat français qui refuse d'abolir la prescription des crimes sexuels en utilisant l'argument des crimes contre l'humanité).
34) "J'aime beaucoup Gabriel Matzneff, dont je crois avoir tous les livres. J'aime son style, ses formules, son rythme. J'aime ce qu'il dit et comme il le dit."
Réponse Pascal Praud, au Point.
35) "Lorsque j'achève un livre de Gabriel [Matzneff], je jubile. C'est un bonheur, d'abord, d'être son ami. C'est un bonheur, surtout de se dire que des êtres comme lui existent encore aujourd'hui."
Réponse Alain de Benoist, date ?
36) "Polanksi n'est pas pédophile. Sa victime [...] n'était pas une fillette, une petite fille, une enfant, au moment des faits. [...] La France est en proie à une véritable fureur de la persécution."
Réponse Alain Finkielkraut, le 9 octobre 2009 sur France Inter. La victime avait 13 ans.
37) "Et moi je m'interroge toujours, est-ce qu'on peut parler de pédophilie à propos de Gabriel Matzneff ? On peut sans doute parler de détournement de mineur, mais pédophilie non. J'ajoute que tous les pédophiles ne sont pas des Dutroux. Si l'on met de côté Manille."
Réponse Alain Finkielkraut sur France Culture le 29 février 2020.
38) "Gabriel Matzneff Il se trouve que je le connais et je vais faire en sorte qu’on ne le traite pas comme si c’était l’ogre de je ne sais pas où. Les dizaines d’enfants etc tout ça est assez fantasmatique. On a 2 cas."
Réponse Elisabeth Lévy sur CNEWS, juillet 2020.
39) "En 68, on voulait changer le monde et on a réussi, dans le sens que le féminisme, l'égalité ... "Vous avez fait une libération sexuelle qui a permis à Matzneff d’exister, c’est bien on est content."
Réponse Virginie Martin à Romain Goupil sur LCI le 3 février 2020. Elle a été rayée de la liste des débatteurs réguliers suite à cette intervention. Elle avait cherché à le cancel.
40) "séducteur, sûrement ; charmeur, ami des femmes et, d’abord, de la sienne, naturellement ; mais ce personnage brutal et violent, cet animal sauvage, ce primate, bien évidemment non, c’est absurde."
Réponse BHL, le 16 mai 2011, sur son site.
41) "Quelle image donnons-nous au monde quand les télévisions de la planète entière montrent un prestigieux Français pénétrer dans le tribunal de New York, piteux, mal rasé et toujours menotté, pas mieux traité que les malfrats de couleur déférés avant et après lui devant le juge ? "
Réponse Sylvie Pierre-Brossolette, le 19 mai 2011 dans Le Point. Elle est dorénavant membre du CSA.
42) "Qu'il y ait eu une imprudence on peut pas le... (rire gourmand), j'sais pas comment dire, un troussage, euh, de domestique."
Réponse Jean-François Kahn le 16 mai 2011 sur France Culture.
43) "[...] ne pas libérer, alors qu'il n'y a pas mort d'homme, ne pas libérer quelqu'un qui verse une caution importante, ça ne se fait pratiquement jamais."
Réponse Jack Lang, sur France 2, le 16 mai 2011.
44) "Qu’est ce qui se serait passé si Polanski était noir ?" "Rien. On l’aurait applaudi."
Réponse Jean Messiha sur CNEWS.
45) "Par 2 fois déjà la justice a donné raison à Gérald Darmanin et puis d’après ce que dit la presse, cette jeune femme a un passé un peu trouble donc c’est pas non plus une oie blanche sortie d’un couvent."
Réponse Bruno Millienne (député MoDem) sur LCI en juillet 2020.
46) "Cette professionnelle a été condamnée, pour menaces, pour extorsion, pour chantage, et pas à une amende mais à de la prison. Elle a pris deux ans ferme, et avec mandat d'arrêt, pour chantage. Cette professionnelle est une menteuse. Elle est une menteuse délinquante".
Réponse Pierre-Olivier Sur, avocat de Darmanin, sur RTL, en janvier 2018. (C'est faux, la plaignante n'est pas "une professionnelle".
47) "J'ai eu une discussion avec lui, parce que c'est un responsable politique qui est intelligent, engagé, qui a été aussi blessé par ces attaques, donc il y a aussi une relation de confiance d'homme à homme, si je puis dire."
Réponse Emmanuel Macron sur France 2, le 14 juillet 2020.
48) "Ils n’ont rien à faire ici, ils sont voleurs, assassins, violeurs, c’est tout ce qu’ils sont, il faut les renvoyer. Et si pour cela il faut sortir de la Cour européenne des droits de l'Homme. [...] Moi je pense aux femmes violées".
Réponse Eric Zemmour sur CNEWS, le 30 septembre 2020, juste après une énième condamnation.
49) "Dès que je vois une meute, je me méfie et là, en plus, ce sont vraiment des méthodes étonnantes de délation. Pendant la guerre, on aurait dit de libérer la parole aussi, #dénoncetonjuif, ça aurait été parfait"
Réponse Eric Zemmour sur Europe 1, en octobre 2017.
50) L’un des objectifs de la campagne #balancetonporc était de noyer le poisson de l’islam : oubliée Cologne, oubliée la Chapelle-Pajol, oubliés les cafés interdits aux femmes à Sevran ou Rillieux-la-Pape, on traquait le sexisme là où il était une survivance honnie et l’on couvrait du voile pudique de la lutte contre les discriminations les lieux où il façonnait encore les mœurs."
Réponse Alain Finkielkraut au Figaro Vox en novembre 2017.
51) "Ce n'est pas monstrueux. Il faut que l’homme soit un prédateur sexuel civilisé. Il y a une attente de virilité, il y a une attente de violence. Donc il faut de la virilité, il faut de la violence."
Réponse Eric Zemmour, sur France 2.
52) "Moi j'angoisse parce que je sais que je vais être envahie par 5 ou 6 femmes avec des bébés qui vont m'agresser devant ma glace, taper devant la glace.(...) Pourquoi ils dégueulassent systématiquement les trottoirs? Pourquoi ils nous agressent systématiquement à 5 ou 6 autour d'une voiture? Merde!"
Réponse Claire O Petit, députée LRN en 2011 sur RMC.
53) "Très franchement, quand je vois un barbu en djellaba qui traverse au feu rouge, j'ai envie d'accélérer, je vous le dis." "Moi ça me l'a toujours fait hein, c'est pas nouveau."
Réponse Claire O' Petit, en novembre 2012 sur RMC.
54) "Les noirs veulent monopoliser la lutte anti-raciste. Il est hors de question que je laisse la lutte anti-raciste entre les mains des noirs, de quel droit ?"
Réponse Yann Moix sur Cnews, en septembre 2020.
55) “Les jeunes issus de l'immigration (...) sont tous des voleurs, ils sont tous des assassins, ils sont tous des violeurs.”
Réponse Eric Zemmour, 30 septembre 2020, Cnews.
56) " Avec ou sans l’Euro, notre actuel territoire national occupé par une joyeuse population métissée de Peuls, de Bambaras, de Berbères et de quelques “Caucasiens” ne serait plus la France. "
Réponse Laurent Dandrieu, de Valeurs Actuelles et proche de François-Xavier Bellamy, tête de liste LR aux dernières européennes.
57) "Je veux qu'ils reculent, je veux qu'ils rendent gorge, je veux qu'ils soient écartés du débat public. Non pas par l'interdiction, ce n'est pas le sujet. Mais qu'ils perdent, qu'ils perdent ce combat, cette bataille d'idées. Nous la menons pour la République et je la mène pour les musulmans de France. Parce que c'est nous qui les protégeons. C'est pas Edwy Plenel et ses sbires."
Réponse Manuel Valls, 15 novembre 2017 sur BFM.
58) "Ma deuxième inquiétude, c’est l’action d’un déséquilibré, d’un extrémisme, qui va aller tirer sur une mosquée ou frapper des femmes voilées : si un tel événement se produisait ou se répétait plusieurs fois, nous perdrions l’avantage moral que nous avons gagné en tant que nation victime du terrorisme islamiste."
Réponse Pascal Bruckner, sur France Inter, le 22 octobre 2020.
59) "La France, c'est la République et celle-ci aussi se trouve aujourd'hui ébranlée dans ses fondements par la coalition de ses ennemis terroristes, complotistes, séparatistes, communautaristes, dont les armes habituelles de la violence, dans la rue comme dans l'espace privé, et de la lâcheté souvent garantie par l'anonymat permettant [le] recours dévoyé aux réseaux sociaux, ont pris ces dernières années une intensité inquiétante."
Réponse Jean Castex, en juillet 2020 lors de son discours de politique générale devant la représentation nationale.
60) "Allez visiter les quartiers où des petites filles de trois ou quatre ans portent le voile intégral, sont séparées des garçons et, dès le plus jeune âge, sont mises à part du reste de la société, élevées dans un projet de haine des valeurs de la France."
Réponse Emmanuel Macron, 4 novembre 2020.
61) "La civilisation française sublime la femme, elle la met sur un pied d’égalité avec l’homme, et non 40 niveaux en dessous de lui, voilée de la tête au pied !"
Réponse Marine Le Pen, 1er mai 2016.
62) "c'est toujours les mêmes, comme on dit – moi, quand j'étais maire, on me disait « Monsieur le maire, vous savez bien, c'est toujours les mêmes » - toujours les mêmes qui dealent du shit en bas de l'immeuble, c'est toujours les mêmes qui cambriolent les bagnoles, c'est toujours les mêmes qu'on revoit et qui sont sortis du système scolaire, c'est toujours les mêmes, et ça fait des dizaines d'années que la crise d'autorité, elle ne vient pas simplement de l'Etat, les parents, une partie des parents ont démissionné, une partie de l'école a pu démissionner, une partie des services sociaux ont pu démissionner."
Réponse Gérald Darmanin, le 7 septembre 2020.
63) "les gilets jaunes ont été infiltrés par «40 à 50 000 militants ultras qui veulent la destruction des institutions».
Réponse Emmanuel Macron, à Bruno Jeudy en janvier 2019.
64) "Il nous faudra donc rétablir les conditions de la tranquillité publique partout, par la tolérance zéro enfin appliquée, la neutralisation des caïds et des milices d’extrême gauche partout."
Réponse Marine Le Pen, le 1er mai 2016.
65) "Le boxeur, la vidéo qu'il fait avant de se rendre, il a été briefé par un avocat d'extrême gauche. Ça se voit ! Le type, il n'a pas les mots d'un Gitan. Il n'a pas les mots d'un boxeur gitan. Nous n'avons pas construit, comme beaucoup de nations autoritaires, les anticorps au système. Donc, nous, on est des pitres !"
Réponse Emmanuel Macron, au Point en janvier ou février 2019.
66) "dans l'affaire Benalla comme Gilets jaunes, la fachosphère, la gauchosphère, la russosphère représentent 90 % des mouvements sur Internet. De plus en plus, des chaînes d'information disent « ceci est important, ceci est légitime » parce qu'il y a du mouvement sur Internet. Ce mouvement est fabriqué par des groupes qui manipulent, et deux jours après, ça devient un sujet dans la presse quotidienne nationale et dans les hebdos."
Réponse Emmanuel Macron, au Point en janvier ou février 2019.
67) "Ici, à la Pitié-Salpêtrière, on a attaqué un hôpital. On a agressé son personnel soignant".
Réponse Christophe Castaner, le 1er mai 2019.
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2020.10.01 22:05 KatAndGirls KatAndGirls & Kat's Krew What are they? And what do they mean?

Hey, I am Kat and I am the Creator of Kat's Krew. I'm hoping to make friends & have fun online whilst spreading positivity, and supporting others! I stream everyday from the UK usually 10/11am start Tuesday- Friday and 8/9pm start Monday - Saturday (you may need to check the schedules in our guilded server or google calendar for the most up to date information as i am a mum of 4 and sometimes i need to change it for appointments, school plays & school holidays etc) I love to talk & make friends online, and due to disabilities I dont get out much, and if I do my anxiety prevents me from talking to people face to face.
So what is Kat's Krew? And why does everyone wanna be a part of it? The answer is simple, why wouldn't you? We are creating an online community that includes everyone from all walks of life, and together we spread positivity and raise money for charities and organisations, (all nominated and voted for by the community) Whilst having fun and the best bit is it's from the comfort of your own home! (How ironic in the current times of Coronavirus that you can't get much more socially distant than online ay!)
So dont forget to hit that follow, and follow my socials to keep up to date with what the community is doing next! We have Online competitions, Quiz/Trivia nights, a Healthy Living group, we also share Hobbies and Passions offline via Discord. Even if you are a lurker in stream and dont feel like you can chat, there is always plenty to do and more than welcome to be a part of the discord & guilded groups online.
Up and coming streams include:
- Quiz/Trivia Nights, - Questions & Answers Live on Stream, - Live reactions to videos nominated & sent in by the community, - Online Photo Competition Results, - Streamer Support Saturdays/Sundays (Want to start streaming but don't know how? wanna know what big streamers would do differently if they could start again) - Awareness Talks (Fibromyalgia, Autism, Cerebral Palsy/Hemiplegia, Domestic Violence, Anxiety & Depression, Discussing Taboo's & many more) - Weigh-In Wednesday's (I'm trying to lose about 6 stone/75lb's ish) ~ community is doing it together, sharing hints and tips, meal plans, simple exercises etc. all supporting each other. (can be anonymous) - Online Art Competitions, - Fundraising Friday's (Charities & Organisations Nominated & Voted for by the community) - Open Lobby days ~ Playing games online with Friends, Followers & Fans - Sub Saturdays/Sundays for closed lobby day's playing with the subs in the community. - Movie nights, - Online Product Party's, - Online Scavenger hunts! - And much much more!
Hopefully see you in the next stream! Till next time we meet SeeYa Kat ~ x
Don't forget to check my links to become part of the Kat's Krew online community. You can find them all here: https://www.linktr.ee/KatAndGirls
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2020.08.27 11:27 ketocheetohpuffs A Very Brief Rebuttal to those who voted NO on the removal of the TAP Monument


"We gotta be brave, we gotta be bold, and we gotta tell this story." - Lt. Gov Matt Pinnell at the Greenwood Rising groundbreaking ceremony August 21, 2020

Smoke a bowl, turn on some music and join me....
As my reality quickly shifted in March forcing me to become an eccentric hobbit, I had to totally bail on my Rocky Mountain powder chasing fantasies and learn to cope. I fed my outdoor addiction by taking extra long dog walks, mostly to my new favorite park in Tulsa, the beautiful mayhem that is Owen Park. I went there specifically to check out an old monument I had heard about online, the Tulsa Association of Pioneers Monument, or as the kids call it, the Back to Back Genocide Champions Trophy Monument, the B2BGCTM. I think this is one of the most interesting things in Tulsa, personally. It’s like a poetic mystery but painfully obvious at the same time. No one knows anything about it that I’ve ever talked to, and no one really wants to talk about it. It’s a classic Tulsa public secret.
Some would say, if there’s one thing Oklahoma does well it’s barbecue. That may be true, we do a mean que, but I’ve been to hundreds, and no barbecue I’ve ever been to, or ever heard of, besides this event, has ever been epic enough to call for a monument to be made in recognition of its attendees' greatness. The monument’s poetic timeline, from 1921-1964, coincides perfectly with the biggest act of racial violence in the US since the civil war, and the biggest piece of civil rights legislation ever signed. The date engraved into the marble monument, September 21, 1921, doesn't even match the newspaper article that talks about a similar barbecue, so that adds a layer of interest. Maybe there were two BBQ’s, maybe the marble slab typewriter typo’d the engraving on the surely mega expensive rock, or maybe the entire newspaper is incorrect. Additionally, this is not where the monument originally sat, nor are all the pieces currently displayed even original. It’s location adds an extra layer of fucketry, when you find out that the Indian Memorial in close proximity celebrating the three tribes borders, was there for fifteen years before the B2BGCTM was erected close by. Now that's a biggo fuck you if you ask me. Hold on, I’m trying to walk and type this on my phone but my idiot dog stopped and smelled something he had to pee on
In a time where I saw the local concert hall change its name from Brady Theater, the name Peter Mayo gave it, back to its original name, The Tulsa Theatre, and a time where I saw Tate Brady’s star removed from out front of the Cain’s, I began to become more curious about our city’s past. Hell, Oklahoma history in general, all of a sudden became overwhelmingly interesting. Especially now that we’re in Tulsa, MCN. So anyway, I took a walk to Owen Park and when I got there I was underwhelmed to say the least. A discolored marble monument with an engraving talking about a barbecue sat just out front of the Fire Station, between the Indian Memorial and a Children's Museum, and close by what is said to be “The Oldest House in Tulsa.” The park is sprawling with mature trees everywhere, a sweet little walking bridge, a random set of old concrete steps once used for getting into carriages, a really cool, and what I’m sure is under-used, mini amphitheatre. The pond was murky with excessive trash collecting where the drainage meets the water. My fishing club would be sad, but I saw fish in there as I walked the banks, so there’s that. There are fish in that pond, don’t let anyone tell you there’s not, especially not the people representing the neighborhood on a city committee. Those people may just not know anything. After making my rounds and seeing the haggard horseshoe pit and imaginary volleyball courts, I made my way back to the monuments at the entrance. The sun was hitting it just right, it totally looked like a dick. Sweet.
I walked up, read the engraving,

This stone marks the ground where "Old Timers"
who had lived in Tulsa and vicinity over
thirty years, met on Sept. 21, 1921,
at a Barbecue given by
Dr. Sam G. Kennedy and Dr. Jim Kennedy.
They all visited with old friends,
reminisced and organized the
"Tulsa Association of Pioneers"
to Commemorate and Perpetuate
the memory of those
"Sturdy Pioneers" who, by their
sacrafice and effort
helped to build a great Empire.

After finding Bynum’s and Brady’s name on the monument, someone pointed out the date, September 21, 1921. Wow, I thought, three and a half months after the most violent act of racial violence since the civil war and these people decided to have a barbeque to celebrate their championing of the city. Interesting. Why are there parentheses around “Sturdy Pioneer” and “Old Timers”? Who are these Kennedy people? Can JM Hall spell sacrifice or does sacrafice mean something totally different? He can’t spell and he got the date wrong? Jesus. What “great Empire” did they manage to build?
I went back to read about the time between the massacre and the barbecue. My heads are familiar with the days between, this is similar, but from blood to barbecue sauce. You can follow along if you want, break on thru to the other side with us as we turn the upside down inside out.
Before I mentally moved entirely back to 1921, and just read the daily paper like its red hot news fresh off the press everyday, I started with September 21, 1921 and checked out the Tulsa Daily World from that date. What I found was not a BBQ. What actually happened on September 21, 1921 was a state wide confederate reunion southern ball at Convention Hall, the building we now know as The Tulsa Theatre. Interesting. Confederate Reunion, I thought, that sounds like a nightmare. Turns out the State Wide Confederate Reunion of 1921 wasn’t the first confederate reunion hosted by Tulsa.
Just in case we gotta stop and talk about what the Civil War was about, it was definitely about slavery. It’s not that it wasn’t about states rights, it was just specifically about the states rights to own people. But if you tell the story a certain way long enough, the southern lost cause becomes history. So, we can move on...
In 1914, some 5000 confederate veterans camped out in Owen Park, but that was nothing compared to the National Confederate Reunion of 1918. Just look at this collectors edition Tulsa World. A quick who’s who for the heroes on the cover… top left is President of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis. Tate Brady presided over the 1921 reunion with a custom gavel made from a tree from Davis’ estate in Biloxi, MS “The Beauvoir.” Story is, Davis would sit under that tree as he wrote the “south’s greatest book,” The Rise and Fall of the Confederacy. I’ve been to the Beauvoir, thanks Gramma and Grampa. Katrina killed that tree I’m sure, but maybe not. Top Right is General Robert E Lee, you recognize his name from the oh wait, it’s Council Oak Elementary now(Lt Gov Matt Pinnell’s School). “Black” Jack Pershing, not what he was actually called but I'm gonna church it up. People thought this man was so fucking good at being an American they made him his own rank in the military. I’m not joking, and they’ve never done that for anyone else. Nathan Bedford Forrest, bottom left, he ran the klan for a while but poetically is the namesake for Forrest Gump, to remind us that “sometimes things don’t make no sense.” Man of the Hour, Woodrow Wilson(Lt Gov Matt Pinnell’s School), front and center, Klansman loved him. For instance, proud klansman Charley Guthrie named his son after the bastard, we know him as Woody. President Wilson was communicated with directly from this reunion, and offered full support of the war from the grey coats. Of course we support it right? We’re a confederate oil production town in a war time economy. Honestly, look at that cover, you just gotta love the Gump / Guthrie irony right now.
Anyway, look through this paper, see how the city rolls out the red red carpet for these people. They pretty much make a Tulsa for Tesla video but way better. The Southern Memorial Association is here, check out their goals, which sound super familiar, especially the marble monument part. Businesses take out full page ads, half page ads, train rides are free into the city, there’s a fair, there’s a parade, movies are cheaper than they’ve ever been. Well, Majestic Theatre is only showing one movie, The Birth of a Nation, and it plays everyday for four days straight, 12 hours a day. This is a three hour movie originally entitled “The Klansman” playing back to back to back to back non-stop for back to back to back to back days, for never before seen prices. Wow. The parade, they say, extends for miles. They ask every single automobile owner in the city to make available their cars for the parade. Five hundred horses are gathered for this parade. They literally go on to say that their party is bigger than mardi gras. They gave away cars at the national reunion to several lucky racists.
In that newspaper, specifically, they tell a story about the “birth of our city,” if you will. From Little Acorns Big Oaks Grow. Read the story. These dudes are glorified as the fathers of our city, in a special edition of a paper that is glorifying the birth of a nation. They say in that paper, that yeah we know Tulsa has blown up in the past twenty years since its incorporation, but what will happen in the next five years will greatly overshadow everything that's been done. Oil game was crushing it, especially with the war time needs for oil, followed by the industrial explosion after WW1. Think about all the cars they made after the economy switched from wartime to peacetime production. Catalog purchasing became popular in this time. People were told to buy. And boy did they get everyone onto buying cars. They were booming, the oil business was pretty pretty pretty good. Have you walked thru these buildings in downtown tulsa, with their fuckin tunnels? These people weren't just living it up, they were setting it up.
Ok we gotta fast forward thru some real crazy times to get back to September 1921. But, let’s keep in mind the Red Summer of 1919 and obviously the Tulsa Race Massacre that happened just months before this reunion. Also, in August 1921, just six weeks before the reunion, and a couple months after the massacre, C A Ridley came through Tulsa to fully recruit new klansman at the convention hall. Anyway, the 1921 statewide confederate reunion seems to follow the blueprint from 1918, there’s free train rides, a fair, a parade, southern memorial association is there, there’s a ball at convention hall, again the city rolls out the red carpet.
On the 17th of September 1921, Sam Kennedy hosted a BBQ, you can read about it in the Tulsa Daily World the next day. That was a Saturday, that BBQ. The day before that, the free fair started and ran all the way until the 20th, which just so happens to be the same day the confederate reunion started its three day circle jerk, how conveniently timed. Notice who makes front page headlines the two days leading up to the fair kick off, showing off their powers of protection and also charitable goodwill (hint: it’s the klan). On September 21, 1921, the date on the monument, the confederate reunion held its southern ball at the convention hall.
The next day the confederates have their parade. They loved parades. This time it was mostly automobiles because the confederate veterans were getting too old, one old timer even fell and broke himself. Here is the route of the parade, and a big HD map if you wanna try and visualize it. I imagine on a map it makes the shape of a stumpy dick, just like the monument, but I could be wrong. There’s an especially fucked up line in there where two grey coats are talking about how great of a city Tulsa has become, so much so they got their shoes shined free of charge on the way into the ball. This great city, just three and a half months prior, burned 40 city blocks to the ground after an incident "started" by a black shoe shiner.
So, here we are, the end of a massive statewide confederate reunion, It goes down like this… Confederate Idiot Voice (Donald Trump Jr will work)…”before we all go home I think it’s important to all be on the same page about something. We can’t let anyone talk poorly of the glories of the south. When we go home, we need to be sure to use all means possible to collaborate with the sons and daughters of the confederate veterans, and the historical societies, and the public libraries, and those who make school curriculums, and we need to be sure to go ahead and filter everyone’s history, so they know what the story is. Anything that talks poorly of the glories and the pride of the old south, gone. All 1100 camps, nationwide, purge the shit out of history. Make it so bad a non-American has to tell us how fuckin upside down we have it a hundred years from now. And while we’re at it, let’s be sure to continue “to perpetuate the memories” of those who got the story straight from the start. Maybe even cast into stone, history as it should be remembered. Because why the fuck else would you engrave some shit into marble, right fellas. Here Here.”
I don't think the klan was anywhere close to its most powerful point in Tulsa’s history in 1921. These guys had such a following they had to build a brand new 3000 person klavern, just to keep everyone under one roof. They called it Beno Hall, as in “Be no DigitalHypnosis or u/Blue-Steele in this building.” Right there on Main Street, just north of Cain’s, on the other side of the over pass. “During the Depression, the building housed a speak-easy, then a skating rink, then a lumberyard, and finally a dance hall before radio evangelist Steve Pringle turned it into the Evangelistic Temple of the First Pentecostal Church. In his first revival meeting, Pringle introduced a little-known Enid preacher by the name of Oral Roberts, who worked his animated, faith-healing magic on the bare lot next door. Roberts impressed in the tent atmosphere and preached with his cohort inside the vast auditorium once known as Beno Hall. His fire and brimstone was a fitting bookend to the fiery crusades of the Klan.” Shoutout ORU graduate, Lt Gov Matt PInnell. Heard ‘fitting bookend.’
Wasn’t until 1935 the TAP decided to make a monument to perpetuate the memories of their association. Now, the monument says the association started in 1921 but didn’t allow membership until 1934. This is a total and flat out assumption I am making, but I would be willing to bet they bought that marble phallus with some sort of new member fees. Anyway, they presented it to Sam Kennedy, who kept it at his farm. There were just two “shafts,” the tall one with the engraving and the little pretty perfect picnic placemat piece. The large horizontal slab with all the names was added later. Can you imagine buying the Kennedy mansion in 2020 and those two pieces of marble are in the backyard? Like in some alternate universe where the original shit stayed where it originally was, without being moved to a public park, and then additional rock slabs and storylines added to it. It hits a lot different when you think about it like that huh. When its not in "Tulsa's first park," next to the "oldest house in Tulsa."
It wasn’t until after Kennedy died, that the monument was eventually moved to Owen Park in segregated Tulsa, 1950. In 1947, The Association of Pioneers “gifted” an acre of land to the city on the terms that the monument could be erected there, and they could hold their annual picnic in the park, “Old-Timers Day.” City was like “bet.” The Association of Pioneers came back a couple months later and gave the city something like four more acres. To be honest, I don't think the monument sits where it’s supposed to sit, technically, if we look back at the 1947 Tulsa World article about placement. Anyway, it's there now, becoming more discolored every year, white naked ladies popping up late every summer. Ask anyone about it, guaranteed, they've never heard about it. If they have heard of it, you're probably talking to me, or pope, who’s also me so….
And this is the reality we’re in now. The shadow reality built for us, by people who gave not two stinky fucks about anything except acquiring polarizingly massive amounts of generational wealth, at the expense of everyone else, especially anyone in their way, especially Indians and especially Black people. This shit still exists, we see it everyday.
It's 2020, it's corona and quarantine and protest and klanny monuments sittin on stolen land, Tulsa, MCN.
But you know what’s dope as fuck, besides this 24 hour happy hour hyperlink sauce buffet, Tulsa is “our” town. It was an “old town” to people in the 1500’s… it’s been here nawmsayin, we’ve been here, as humans. People have been here in this spot for a very long time, and will continue to be if we don't kill ourselves off. What’s cool as Hell to me, is what other spot can say all that shit. This is some pretty radical shit. And here we are, the buckle on the unbuckled bible belt, the city, a contradiction of itself. Here we are trying to figure out how to move forward and how to unite people with this information. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Our common enemy is how history is told.
We gotta get the story straight, so we can start to work together. It’s time for us to use all means possible. All fucking means possible. They did. It’s time to collaborate with historical societies, and libraries, and museums, and school curriculum, and cultural centers, and concert halls, and public speakers, and public parks, and radio stations, and websites, and tv networks, and social media, and art galleries, and city committees and commissions and fuckin everything. It’s time for a full hard switch or we’re fucked. We’re gonna have to re-learn history but our kids shouldn’t have to.
AND, We should celebrate this awakening, because this is necessary. It’s time to un-learn and re-imagine. How’s this hot take… We are so super lucky to have something so tangible and mystified as this monument to be able to rally this message around. And of course we would have something so poetically perfect because this is it. This is why we’re “the center of the universe.” We’re gonna be in the national spotlight next year, just let that sink in for a little bit. How is our city going to address all this? I want my city to act in a way I can be proud of, and show people, Tulsa does it right.
Look, I’m done fucking around here, who’s with me besides flipper here? Lets move that fuckin rock into a museum, where it belongs, so that its story can be told in the great detail that it deserves. Let’s plant a bunch of trees and flowers in its place, ‘100 trees for 100 years.’ Give the park back to the people, give it back to the Earth. Make it a place of love and reconciliation, a place of understanding and empathy and community. No more monument, no more “Old-Timer’s Day.” That's just ridiculous. And move it out of the fuckin park soon so the Indian Community can enjoy their re-dedication of the Indian Memorial in peace. Let’s do this shit.
This is our Tulsa. This land, is our land, nawmsayin. We gotta come together, and we can come together in the park.
DigitalHypnosis, you can come too, you’re my pink piggy boy.
submitted by ketocheetohpuffs to tulsa [link] [comments]


2020.07.31 18:59 thecambridgegeek Audio Drama/Fiction/RPG Debuts - July 2020

I've got what I think is a mostly exhaustive list of the new audio drama series that came out in July, which may be of interest to those looking for new shows. See below. Anyone want to tell me any I've missed, and I'll update it? (Note, "new" here means that the Ep1 of the RSS feed was released, or a previously non-fiction feed started producing fiction.) Listened to any of them that you would recommend?
Previous months are available here:
https://www.thecambridgegeek.com/results.php?proof=Releases&tag1=Audio%20fiction
And the ongoing updates (just in case you don't want to wait for the end of the month) are available here:
https://twitter.com/AudioDramaDebut
And I do a weekly podcast collecting a few trailers here:
https://www.thecambridgegeek.com/archive/add/add.php

7/1: A Girl's Fiction (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://anchor.fm/a-girls-fiction/
Synopsis: Hi guys! And welcome to A Girl's Fiction. This is a podcast where I'll be writing stories exclusively for this podcast and will be sharing them with you. I hope that you're able to relate with some of these stories. If not, I hope that you can find some enjoyment in these stories.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2808ddc4/podcast/rss

7/1: Citadel Goes Viral (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: http://www.citadelgoesviral.com/
Synopsis: Hi! This is Citadel Arts Group, a Leith based theatre company dedicated to giving a voice to older people. When the Covid virus hit the country, all our projects had to go on hold. That was when we turned to Zoom and we gave our playwrights group the challenge of creating short audio scripts for Citadel to record using the new technology - well, new to us anyway!

7/1: Piano Teeth (Fiction - Anthology)
Site: https://www.pianoteeth.co.uk/mutterings-1
Synopsis: A podcast from Piano Teeth. The voice inside your head. Expect darkly-comic, surreal and strange adventures all from the comfort of your own mind.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/pianoteeth/feed.xml

7/1: Shadow of Arcanum (RPG - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/shadowofarcanum
Synopsis: It has been 20 years since Vecna was defeated and Exandria has only gotten darker and crueller. Five companions set out on an adventure that will change their lives forever and will make them question everything they thought they knew. Shadow of Arcanum is a full POC lgbtq+ Actual play Drama.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/236ff5e0/podcast/rss

7/1: The Eternity Archives (RPG - Anthology)
Site: https://www.theeternityarchives.com/
Synopsis: A biweekly actual play TTRPG podcast. Join us as we venture A between realms to protect the fabric of reality by exploring everything the tabletop world has to offer!
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/www.theeternityarchives.com/feed.xml

7/1: The Mistress Files (Dramatised - Crime/Mystery)
Site: http://www.buzzsprout.com/870172
Synopsis: There's no such thing as true evil in this world. Evil is only defined by which side of the line one stands. Follow the tales of The Mistress, one of the most feared criminal masterminds the world has ever known, and ask yourself: Which side are you on?
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/870172.rss

7/2: The One Stars (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://theonestars.libsyn.com/
Synopsis: The One Stars is a Comedy Fiction Podcast. Join our host Negative Nancy and her only friend Chatbot as they fly through space aboard the decrepit Space Windu. The One Stars features 'One Star Reviews from All Across the Multiverse. All reviews in The One Stars are fictional except when otherwise noted.
RSS Feed: https://theonestars.libsyn.com/rss

7/3: Cape Lock (Dramatised - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/cape-lock/
Synopsis: KINH's investigative reporter Christina Glass looks into a town that only exists in peoples minds.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/20ada960/podcast/rss

7/3: Please Tell Me What To Do (Fiction - Interactive)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/law-kaaw
Synopsis: Speed-written audio drama. I release Friday, you vote what to do next over the weekend, we do it all over again. It's like goosebumps if the kids grew up but the author did not.

7/3: Ritual (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: http://www.dirtyprotesttheatre.co.uk/ritual-plays
Synopsis: Three short plays from Dirty Protest Theatre in partnership with National Theatre Wales and Sherman Theatre in association with BBC Cymru Wales and BBC Arts.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/23df6b14/podcast/rss

7/3: Scared By Scott (Fiction - Horror)
Site: https://anchor.fm/scaredbyscott/
Synopsis: Do you like listening to scary or spooky stories? Then sit back and listen to short horror stories presented to you with minimal music and sound effects for that campfire story feel. Try not to get scared…
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/24176334/podcast/rss

7/3: The Pulp Cast (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://anchor.fm/thepulpcast
Synopsis: The Pulp Cast is a fictional audio drama presentation in nostalgic anthology style. 21st Century stories with old school panache. Depressed detectives, dangerous dames, far-out journeys to outer space, and deep into the human mind. Enjoy original teleplays and new adaptations of forgotten gems from the under-appreciated underbelly of the Golden Age, reshaped and brought to life by the Pulp Cast's creators who are joined by an endearing and enthusiastic cast of guest voice actors. Grab your flashlight and pull the sheets up high, as we leap full speed ahead into the past!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/247dd6f0/podcast/rss

7/4: Apocalypse Songs (Dramatised - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/apocalypse-songs
Synopsis: Red Scare Theatre Company presents a five part audio drama experience. A supernatural thriller about music journalist Amy Louise Chen (Cassandra Tse) whose investigation into an obscure 1960s musician leads her down an unexpected path.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/26ce8ee0/podcast/rss

7/4: Daring Adventures (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://buzzedandboard.com/daring/
Synopsis: Follow along with this intrepid crew as they set out on Daring Adventures.
RSS Feed: https://hibiscus-mandarin-x69k.squarespace.com/daring?format=rss

7/4: Figuring Out Will: A Radio Play (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/user-644927447
Synopsis: In a world full of emotional pitfalls, one geeky teen will join forces with his two best friends to face his insecurities and escape the friend zone by realizing it never even existed in the first place. Comedy. Drama. Doritos. Get ready to figure out Will. “Figuring Out Will” is a coming-of-age story set in a video store written by Alec Kerr that made its debut at the NYSummerfest Theater Festival at the Hudson Guild Theater in Manhattan August 2018.

7/4: Green Door Theatre Company (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/greendoortheatrecompany
Synopsis: Just imagine: it's Halloween night, winds are whistling through the crooked trees, darkness falls - and you begin to listen to the spookiest radio play ever recorded by Green Door Theatre!

7/4: Surely You Quest (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://www.lunarlightstudio.com/
Synopsis: Avast and Ahoy! Prepare yourselves for high seas adventures and shenanigans as 3 heroes find out what awaits them in the mysterious oceanic world of the Chroma Archipelago. Jenny (Played by Hayley Rose), Lenny (Played by Mike Patten), and Pidge (Played by Blue Lennox), embark into the world of DM, Ryan Mitchum's, creation. What awaits will be incredible, daring, or at the very least hilarious.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/surely-you-quest

7/4: Tales of the Resistance (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://www.sfmt.org/talesoftheresistance
Synopsis: The San Francisco Mime Troupe present four two-part original political comedy audio plays, broadcast bi-weekly, each written and performed by Mime Troupe veterans and newcomers, and each in a different style. Each episode will be about 25 minutes long, and presented as podcasts and as radio shows on stations across the country.

7/4: This American Wasteland (Dramatised - Post-apocalypse)
Site: http://thisamericanwasteland.com/
Synopsis: This American Wasteland is an audio drama that follows an aftermath. Archived accounts narrate this story of a post-apocalyptic America.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.captivate.fm/this-american-wasteland/

7/4: Welcome to the Revolution…Go Pats (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://kevanglin.wixsite.com/gopats
Synopsis: A comedy audio-play about the American Revolution.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/gopats/feed.xml

7/5: Lost and Broken Things (Fiction - Horror)
Site: https://audioboom.com/channels/5027088
Synopsis: Lost and Broken Things is a podcast featuring tales of original short fiction, generally exploring topics of a dark and disturbing nature.
RSS Feed: https://audioboom.com/channels/5027088.rss

7/6: Dungeon Dive Bar (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://dungeondivebar.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Join seven friends as they delve deep into the ancient and mysterious Emerald Spire!
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/dungeondivebafeed.xml

7/6: Once Upon A Time In Trieste (Dramatised - Historical)
Site: https://silverpineproductions.com/2020/07/05/once-upon-a-time-in-trieste-the-audio-drama/
Synopsis: A 19th Century princess and a 20th Century revolutionary are trapped in a fairy tale castle, both struggling to come to terms with momentous events they have helped to shape. Over a night of prayer, cards and violence, they confront each other – and their own inner demons. By morning, only one of them is left.

7/6: Room Infinity (Dramatised - Thriller)
Site: https://www.spreaker.com/show/room-infinity
Synopsis: Mark Infinity, a survivor of an accident that had just occurred a year ago. Although Mark was released from the hospital in a fair good state, he had one major problem! His memory of that event that put him there where mysteriously gone. With only sparks coming back through a multitude of headaches, unknown people who somehow know who he is and especially the people in the black suits who are called “The Marked Ones”.
RSS Feed: https://www.spreaker.com/show/4491449/episodes/feed

7/6: The Drunken Geek (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://thedrunkengeek.com/
Synopsis: The Drunken Geek is your chance to listen in on some nerds playing roleplaying games, starting with Pathfinder 2nd Edition. Fortunately, as they're all pub quiz hosts, they're pretty funny nerds.
RSS Feed: https://drunkengeek.libsyn.com/rss

7/7: Beyond the Dark (Fiction - Science fiction)
Site: https://beyondthedark.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Atmospheric sci-fi stories. Each episode is a new world to explore. You might find yourself in the heart of a cyberpunk metropolis, a post-apocalyptic wasteland, or a strange alien world. Every story has its own professional cast, an original score and accompanying sound effects for a truly immersive experience.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/beyondthedark/feed.xml

7/7: Craiglockhart (Dramatised - Historical)
Site: https://craiglockhart.simplecast.com/
Synopsis: WW1 - 1917. When DAVID ALLISTER, a facially disfigured war hero, writes a biting condemnation of the war, he is placed in the care of DR ETHAN DRURY at Craiglockhart mental hospital until he agrees to publish a retraction. While there, he meets ARTHUR BRIDGELAND, a shell-shocked soldier obsessed with returning to battle after having been labeled a coward. David delights in tormenting Arthur until he meets and falls in love with Arthur’s suffragette sister, LUCY. Steam Punk meets James Whale by way of MASTERPIECE THEATRE.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/2USktUnT

7/7: Eternal Future Productions (Dramatised - Historical)
Site: https://www.eternalfutureproductions.com/
Synopsis: Welcome to Eternal Future Productions! We strive to create good-quality audio productions that will reach listeners of all ages with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. With a brand that is wholesome and uplifting, we hope to creatively inspire, encourage and challenge in ways that not only exceed general entertainment, but reminds us of our purpose.
RSS Feed: https://eternalfutureproductions.libsyn.com/rss

7/7: Ship of Fools (RPG - Fantasy)
Site: https://shipoffools.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Join 4 friends on a D&D adventure through the magical seas of the Lunluma Ocean, seeking fame, fortune, and French fries. Hijinks? Guaranteed. Good decisions? Not so much.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/shipoffools/feed.xml

7/8: Would You Rather… (Dramatised - Interactive)
Site: https://player.whooshkaa.com/shows/would-you-rather-1
Synopsis: Would you rather... the conversation starter where the participants can never really win. Decisions made when nothing is at stake - our answers are perhaps crowd pleasing rather than truthful. But what if these hypotheticals actually happened? What if your or your loved one's lives depended on it? The Would You Rather... podcast is based on making choices and the repercussions which follow.
RSS Feed: https://rss.whooshkaa.com/rss/podcast/id/12632

7/10: Arsen (Dramatised - Fantasy)
Site: https://arsen.pinecast.co/
Synopsis: Arsen Audio Drama follows a young woman named Aurelie who, after the death of her parents embarks on a quest to learn the truth her family and her identity in the magical world of LaFresia.
RSS Feed: https://pinecast.com/feed/arsen

7/10: Eastmouth (Dramatised - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://eastmouth.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Pirate radio for a coastal town that is bathed in mystery. Shh, don't talk to the town council.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/eastmouth/feed.xml

7/10: Harpy Productions (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://www.harpyproductions.com/
Synopsis: Based on a short horror story by Edwin Crowe (first published as a creepypasta) "My Father Punished Me When I Talked to Ghosts" tells the story of Sean, a blind boy living alone with his father near the edges of reality- where the dead slip back to the world of the living. This strange coming of age story deals with themes of abuse, disability, and he power of friendship to those above them both.

7/10: Like Panties for Dishrags (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: http://www.buzzsprout.com/1189616
Synopsis: Created entirely in lockdown, Like Panties for Dishrags is an audio comedy for adults written by BBC Talent award-winner Jon Blake, also shortlisted for a Writers Guild Award, the Children’s Book Award and the Laugh Out Loud awards. Be transported for 73 minutes to the notorious Tresedd estate where hapless tutor Dominic Kingdom Duff (played by Everyman Theatre’s Peter Harding-Roberts) wades hopelessly out of his depth to bring creative writing to the locals...with surprising results.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1189616.rss

7/10: The Visit (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://everymanplayhouse-the-visit.buzzsprout.com/
Synopsis: This programme has been made entirely in Lockdown, over zoom, and in total isolation. We hope you enjoy it! Ashley and Annie met at uni. Now it’s reading week, and Ashley has travelled to Annie’s family home; a world of Waitrose, Boris the Yorkshire Terrier, and 4 cars on the driveway. But, the O’Niell family are just like any other and love a night sitting around the telly with a cup of tea, or a glass of Chablis for Mum, Julia. In this seven episode series we follow the O’Neil family through a week of madness, cultural shocks, and maybe get a little too absorbed by the telly...
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1198445.rss

7/10: We Never Left (Dramatised - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://anchor.fm/lindsay-jackman
Synopsis: A gothic audio drama about a college graduate who returns to her small town and confronts the mysterious curse that resides in it.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2a85d638/podcast/rss

7/12: Seen and Not Heard (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://anchor.fm/seenandnotheard
Synopsis: What happens when you lose something you thought you'd always have? What happens when the thing you lose is one of your senses? Bet Kline is deaf. That wasn't the case a year ago. Now that her life has been upended, she has to figure out how to carve out a new path for herself and navigate her way down it. Easier said than done.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/138f48d8/podcast/rss

7/12: To Sleep Perchance to Dream (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://anchor.fm/bruce-miller94
Synopsis: An original sci-fi audio drama. It was supposed to be a way to get away from problems on earth and earn some real cash, but on their return from a distant asteroid, the mining crew awakes to alarms and difficult decisions.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2b6550c4/podcast/rss
7/13: Dirty Diana (Dramatised - Erotica)
Site: https://dirty-diana.simplecast.com
Synopsis: As an escape from her carefully curated life and dying marriage, Diana secretly runs an erotic website where women reveal their intimate sexual fantasies.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/Anmhcr83
7/13: Gates (Fiction - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1216082
Synopsis: A secret war is being fought in the shadows after three people were infected by a four hundred an eighty million year old race of super beings and one of the original inhabitants of Earth.The infection has spread further and now in our time it will hit the fan. Dillon and Paul, along with Evil Bill can change into anything and slip inside the very shadows cast on the ground their enemies stand on, but only when Evil Bill wills it because they are now his puppets to command.This action packed Sci-Fi follows Evil Bill, his son Paul and Dillon Briggs as they fight Sensei Shisuki and look to uncoverthe mystery of their changes!
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1216082.rss
7/13: Lost Terminal (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.spreaker.com/show/lost-terminal
Synopsis: A sci-fi podcast searching for a response to "Hello world".
RSS Feed: https://www.spreaker.com/show/4488937/episodes/feed

7/13: Para.docx (Dramatised - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://blacklilac.podbean.com
Synopsis: Para.docx is a supernatural podcast following the work of the NCRD’s filing staff as they handle reports from all across America — assuming the reports themselves behave.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/blacklilac/feed.xml

7/13: Wire Canaries (Dramatised - Crime/Mystery)
Site: https://wirecanariespodcast.carrd.co/
Synopsis: Wire Canaries are live, it's 11am on the 8th September 2070... A monthly amateur podcast in which two underground radio presenters, one frantic researcher, and one ex-cop struggle to uncover what's been hidden behind the dead-end investigations of eight missing people in the isolated city of Malingate.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2ba46854/podcast/rss
7/14: Endeavour: Through the Maelstrom (RPG - Fanfiction)
Site: https://www.endeavourshow.com/
Synopsis: A new ship. A new crew. A new era!Endeavour: Through the Maelstrom is a Star Trek Adventures actual play set in the 25th century, decades after Star Trek: Picard. Join us as we build transwarp conduits into uncharted space.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/endeavourshow/feed.xml
7/14: The Great Chameleon War (Fiction - Science fiction)
Site: https://www.thegreatchameleonwar.com/
Synopsis: Welcome to the Nesting Zone: a surreal rim of jungle around Mt. Tahoma prowled by transdimensional reptiles. The Amanuensis catalogues his expedition up the volcano slope and records stories of explorers caught in the evolving dreamscape. Paleo-mythic lizard pyromancy. Blood whisper secrets. Carnivorous astronauts. Cursed poem hallucinations. Staying sane is not an option.
RSS Feed: https://greatchameleonwar.libsyn.com/rss
7/14: WG3 - Wrestling: Grit, Guts, & Glory (Dramatised - Sport)
Site: https://wg3wrestling.com/
Synopsis: The official podcast for WG3 - Wrestling: Grit, Guts, and Glory! Every week we will break down all the action on Monday Night Substance, livestream Pay-per-views, conduct interviews with your favorite wrestlers, and dish out all the 100% unfiltered and uncensored dirt in the world of your favorite fictional wrestling world. Hardcore wrestling fiction for hardcore wrestling fans!
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2102e100/podcast/rss

7/15: ConSensual (Dramatised - Romance)
Site: https://consensual.sounder.fm/
Synopsis: Romance for riot grrrls. Join us for season one, Ten Week Turnabout, a contemporary romance story featuring a strong heroine in New York City and her small town turnabout date from the life she thought she left behind.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.sounder.fm/3182/rss.xml

7/15: Fast Times at D&D High (RPG - Urban fantasy)
Site: https://fasttimesdnd.com/
Synopsis: Fast Times at D&D High is a new Actual Play podcast set in a magical homebrew world from the mind of Dungeon Master Persephone!
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/fasttimesdnd/feed.xml
7/16: Dying Breeds (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://linktr.ee/dyingbreeds
Synopsis: Dying Breeds is a mockumentary series about clinging onto the old ways. Your host and roving reporter, Gervaise Sareen, searches out the people and professions of yesteryear to see if their days are numbered, or whether there's life in the old dogs yet.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/5f06236f93c905058972fff1
7/16: The Long Short Road (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/user-649069426/the-long-short-road-radio-drama
Synopsis: A quick tale of one woman's interactions with charity.
7/16: The Vertical Path (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/theverticalpath
Synopsis: When Earth catches a glimpse of a war raging on a distant world, human civilization begins to develop a conflict of its own.
7/17: CALLISTO (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://anchor.fm/elliot-somerfield/
Synopsis: "I know that there is something down there beneath the surface of this moon. It’s been there billions of years, entirely alone, waiting, until we arrived - and it knows that we are here." When five astronauts are sent to one of Jupiter's moons to research its sustainability for a potential colony, they discover a mysterious signal coming from below the surface, a signal which raises the suspicion that they may not be as alone as they thought.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/229b3184/podcast/rss

7/17: The Jeane Dixon Effect (Dramatised - Historical)
Site: http://www.buzzsprout.com/1217390
Synopsis: Jeane Dixon, America’s first “celebrity psychic,” comes to life in Joseph Rodota’s play, THE JEANE DIXON EFFECT. The former Southern California housewife predicted everything from presidential assassinations to Hollywood marriages, captivating television talk show hosts and dominating supermarket tabloids. Was she a genuine psychic? Or simply delusional? And did her cat really have ESP? Starring Valerie Leonard as Jeane Dixon.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/1217390.rss

7/17: This Mortal Coil (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://aulosproductions.com/this-mortal-coil-2020/
Synopsis: When a Hamlet-inspired murder ruins her dress rehearsal, Elissa’s delighted. The detective’s an old actor pal and she’d forgotten her lines anyway. Lured in by the promise of Jammie Dodgers, Elissa pursues a dastardly killer with a penchant for Shakespeare. A comedy audio murder mystery by award-winning writer James Beagon.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.soundcloud.com/playlists/soundcloud:playlists:1093699855/sounds.rss
7/17: Voices from the Unknown (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://soundcloud.com/voicesfromtheunknown
Synopsis: Write. Record. Listen. A self-publishing audio platform for new writing. Writing submissions can be sent to: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]). The first show is Lockdown Quiz, perhaps unsurprisingly about a quiz during lockdown.
7/18: Red Dirt DnD (RPG - Western)
Site: https://www.reddirtdnd.com/
Synopsis: Red Dirt DnD mashes together fantasy with the Wild West. The actual play Fifth Edition Dungeons and Dragons podcast takes place in the fictional country of Rutoya as four adventurers map the Ka’alban Frontier for the Dwarven train barons. Elves and Orcs collide with saloons and sheriffs in this show featuring local Oklahoma actors and D&D veterans.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.captivate.fm/reddirtdnd/
7/18: White Heron Theatre (Dramatised - Anthology)
Site: https://www.whiteherontheatre.org/white-heron-radio-theatre-3/
Synopsis: In the theatre we have a tradition. Whenever the stage goes dark between performances, we always like to leave a single light burning in the house until the curtain can rise again. We call it - a “ghost light.” And until we can all meet once more at White Heron, we’re pleased to offer you something we like to call our Ghost Light Series. Original Radio Drama created especially for you, our Nantucket audience. Nantucket's White Heron Theatre Company presents White Heron Radio Theatre. Our first series, The Ghost Light Series, is adapted by Mark Shanahan from Blue Baillett's book Nantucket Ghosts, 44 True Accounts. Performed by White Heron's award-winning actors. Original music, sound design and audio production by John Gromada. Produced by White Heron Theatre Company.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/aV1QngEo

7/19: Echo Chamber Audio Plays (Dramatised - Slice of life)
Site: https://linktr.ee/echochamberaudio
Synopsis: Passionate about new-writing, we develop scripts through virtual table reads, and we make audio plays. We are interested in telling stories we dont often hear, by people we want to hear more from. All are welcome here. We want to evolve into a community of people that make and take the form forward - a true audio collective.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/echochambefeed.xml

7/19: Parallel Lies (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://parallelliespodcast.tumblr.com/
Synopsis: In which a space pirate and an AI have a really long conversation... In the distant future (and in space), Deryn wakes up in a doorless room, with only a disembodied AI voice to keep her company. Bored (and slowly losing her mind), Deryn tells Tobias her story. But not everything is as it seems.
RSS Feed: https://anchor.fm/s/2cc1b700/podcast/rss
7/19: Rise of the Shattered Sun (Dramatised - Science fiction)
Site: https://davidewright.com/
Synopsis: Rise of the Shattered Sun is an Audio Drama set 800 years in the future. After a global conflict, an unlikely source wrested peace from the jaws of chaos. The Sol system has changed, and humanity is not just for humans.
RSS Feed: https://rotsspod.libsyn.com/rss
7/20: Low Tide (Dramatised - Comedy)
Site: https://lowtide.fm
Synopsis: In our world, Low Tide is a scripted comedy podcast. But in fictional Conch County, Low Tide is a popular news and culture radio program that airs on Conch Public Radio. If you're a fan of NPR, Parks and Recreation, or Welcome To Night Vale, tune in to Low Tide. We have tote bags.
RSS Feed: https://feeds.simplecast.com/mmzP_KsS
7/20: The Case Files of Donovan Thane (Dramatised - Horror)
Site: https://thecasefilesofdonovanthane.podbean.com/
Synopsis: Vampire Detective Donovan Thane takes on any case. Even those of the macabre and other worldly.
RSS Feed: https://feed.podbean.com/thecasefilesofdonovanthane/feed.xml

7/20: The Landscape of a Heart (Fiction - Thriller)
Site: https://www.spreaker.com/show/the-landscape-of-a-heart-audio-book
Synopsis: Returning home from war, recovering from what should have been fatal injuries, Matt Blair has spent months in isolation in his childhood bedroom. He has been welcomed and celebrated as a war hero by his family. As summer wanes, Matt decides it's time for him to put it all behind him and move on. In a seemingly manic episode and to his family's surprise, he embarks on a vacation alone. But the world would soon crumble around him making the tragedy he was trying to move on from, just the beginning.

A rescue operation through the desolate wasteland that was once the midwest of the United States and the fateful connection to the destruction is too much to be only a coincidence.
Matt begins his true journey. A journey that will exceed the boundaries of his own life and sanity, his pain and the human collective unconscious ensues. The true Landscape of a Human Heart is revealed.
RSS Feed: https://www.spreaker.com/show/4453956/episodes/feed
submitted by thecambridgegeek to audiodrama [link] [comments]


2020.07.15 00:07 Requiresevidence Rosie Duffield, MP, and who has the keys to the house

Published in the public interest:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-47686844
UK MP Rosie Duffield claims to have been the victim of being locked out of her home. Her Parliamentary statement seems to suggest she did exactly the same thing to her alleged abuser. Here is the text in full;-
"So what is domestic violence or abuse, and where do we get our ideas about it from? Often we see the same images and stereotypes on TV: housing estates, working-class families, drunk men coming home from the pub, women surrounded by children, and a sequence of shouting, followed by immediate physical violence or assault. But soap opera scenes tend to focus on only one or two aspects of a much bigger and more complex picture.
Domestic violence has many faces, and the faces of those who survive it are varied, too. There are 650 MPs in this place—650 human beings. Statistically, it is highly likely that some of us here will have directly experienced an abusive relationship, and we are just as likely as anyone else to have grown up in a violent household.
Abuse is not just about noticeable physical signs. Sometimes there are no bruises. Abuse is very often all about control and power; it is about abusers making ?themselves feel big, or biggest, but that is not how they present themselves. It is not how they win your heart. It is not how they persuade you to meet them for a coffee, then go to a gig, and then spend an evening snuggled up in front of a movie at their place. When they ask you out, they do not present their rage, and do not tell you that while they like the idea of strong, independent, successful women, they do not like the reality. They do not threaten, criticise, control, yell, or exert their physical strength in an increasingly frightening way—not yet. Not at the start. Not when they think you are sweet, funny and gorgeous. Not when they want to impress you. Not when they turn up to only your third date with chocolate, and then jewellery. Not when they meet your friends, your parents, or the leader of your political party. They do not do any of that then.
It is only later, when the door to your home is locked, that you really start to learn what power and control look and feel like. That is when you learn that “I’ll always look after you,” “I’ll never let you go,” and “You’re mine for life” can sound menacing, and are used as a warning over and over again. It is when the ring is on your finger that the mask can start to slip, and the promises sound increasingly like threats. It is then that you spend 12 or more hours at work longing to see the person you love, only to find that on the walk or tube journey home they refuse to speak a single, solitary word to you. Eventually, at home, they will find a way to let you know which particular sin you have apparently committed: your dress was too short, the top you wore in the Chamber was too low-cut, or you did not respond to a message immediately.
It starts slowly: a few emotional knocks, alternated with romantic gushes and promises of everlasting love, which leave you reeling, confused, spinning around in an ever-changing but always hyper-alert state, not knowing what mood or message awaits you. You tell yourself to be less sensitive, less emotional, to stop over-analysing every little thing. Ignore the moods—he never stops saying he adores you, right? All seems good again.
A whole week goes by: a week of summer evening walks home and maybe a drink on the way. A long weekend is booked and organised as a surprise while you are at work. The journey there is full of promise and promises—time away alone together in a place away from stress—but then it starts. In a strange city, his face changes in a way you are starting to know and dread, in a way that says you need to stay calm, silent and very careful. He goes for a walk. You sit in your hotel room and wait. You read a city guide and plan which sights you want to visit, mentally packing a day full of fun. But he seems to have another agenda. He doesn’t want you to leave the room. He has paid a lot of money and you need to pay him your full attention. You are expected to do as you are told, and you know for certain what that means—so you do exactly as you are told.
In the months that follow, those patterns continue: reward, punishment, promises of happily ever after alternated with abject rage, menace, silent treatment and coercive control; financial abuse and control; a point-blank refusal to disclose his salary or earnings, an assumption and insistence on it being okay to live in your home without contributing a single penny, as bills continue to pile up; a refusal to work, as your salary is great and public knowledge; false promises to start ?paying some specific bills, which you discover months later remain unpaid; and the slow but sure disappearance of any kindness, respect or loving behaviour.
You get to the stage where you are afraid to go home. After 15 hours at work, you spend another hour on the phone to your mum or a close friend, trembling, a shadow of your usual self. You answer the phone, and the sheer nastiness and rage tell you not to go home at all. So you leave work with your best friend, exhausted and shaking, and buy a toothbrush on the way, knowing that the verbal abuse followed by silent refusal to speak at all will be 100 times worse tomorrow.
Every day is emotionally exhausting. You are working in a job you love but putting on a brave face and pretending all is good, fine—wonderful, in fact. Then the pretence and the public face start to drop completely: being yelled at in the car with the windows down, no attempt to hide behaviour during constituency engagements —humiliation and embarrassment now added to permanent trepidation and constant hurt and pain. It is impossible to comprehend that this is the person who tells his family how much he loves you and longs to make you his wife.
But the mask has slipped for good, and questions are starting. Excuses are given to worried friends, concerned family and colleagues who have started to notice. One night, after more crying and being constantly verbally abused because you suggest he pay a bit towards your new sofa, you realise you’ve reached the end and you simply cannot endure this for another day or week, and certainly not for the rest of your life. Having listened intently for two whole weeks to the sound of his morning shower, timing the routine until you know it off by heart, you summon up the courage to take his front-door keys from his bag.
You have tried everything else on earth and know for certain, 100%, what awaits you that night if you do not act today. Heart banging, you hide them carefully and creep back into bed, praying he won’t discover what you have done. You know for certain what will happen if he does. You know an apology will not follow. You know for sure it will be because of what you have done and that it is all your fault. He leaves for the gym, telling you how much he adores you. He tells you to remember that you will always be his. He kisses you lovingly, as though there has not been months of verbal abuse, threats and incidents he knows you will never disclose. He tells you he will bring something nice home for dinner.
Sure enough, the next few days and weeks are a total hell—texts and calls and yelling: “You’ve locked me out like a dog”, “No one treats me that way”, “This is the last thing you will ever do”. You cry, you grieve for your destroyed dreams, you try to heal, you ignore the emails from wedding companies, but it is like withdrawal, and it takes six months.
But one day you notice that you’re smiling, that it’s okay to laugh, and that it’s been a week or two since the daily sobbing stopped. You realise you are allowed to be happy. You dare to relax and you dare to start to feel free. You realise it is not your fault and that he is now left alone with his rage and narcissism. You dare to start dating someone, and you realise that you have survived, but the brightest and most precious thing of all is realising that you are loved and believed by friends, family and colleagues who believe in you and support you.?
So if anyone is watching and needs a friend, please reach out, if it is safe to do so, and please talk to any of us, because we will be there and we will hold your hand. [Applause.]
"
End quote
They made me append that yes/no quiz. Sorry. I'm going off Reddit quickly

View Poll
submitted by Requiresevidence to MensRights [link] [comments]


2020.07.04 14:06 throwawayrebelion A long rambling letter from a tired man.

This is not going to be a quick read. The entire reason I made a throwaway just for this. I apologize in advance for anyone who tries to read this. It's just my frustration and love for humanity spilling out.
The Government and it’s mismanagement has bungled yet another major crisis in a row and yet the “Silent Majority” continues to sit back. At every turn these politics only seek to undermine the people. All over the world governments fail their people, fail to adapt to the new age. Not merely an American problem, but a worldly problem, a human issue. And yet at every turn I encounter people whose main prerogative seems to be “Collect paycheck, go home” while complaining about the state of business. Meanwhile the protests against violence and oppression continue to rage quietly onwards, both disorganized and failing to reach for greater goals to push the human agenda forward. We have a great opportunity to seize the anger and heat of the moment to forge a new path, a better path for humanity pushing past 2020 and into the future but I constantly fear the disorganization and mild concessions will only allow the crooked and broken systems to merely continue. Where the people have no real say, where governments are more beholden to companies and their lobbyists. I fear for our future, for the earth and our future generations. We have calls to doom and gloom, warnings of our impending collapse but our ineffective governments continue to shuffle forward. We have made small steps, small concessions but nothing lasting. Worse still, we now must contend with the effects of countless generations of those who have been indoctrinated and ill-educated who are so ill-informed they do not properly understand personal responsibility and the difference between an inconvenience and a true infraction on their own personal rights. In this age of the internet when we are more connected than ever, how is it we have any excuse to not use all our advantages? To help others, to support those who hurt? This is not merely an American issue, it is a humanitarian issue. Steps must be taken no matter how hard or unsavory they may be to palette. When the only excuse we have is “Money”, the idea that we cannot help those in need is unconscionable. Prolonged human suffering should not have a cost. It should not have profit margins or expiration dates on terms of help. How little true help costs, not simply flinging “AID” or money at the issue, but teaching, supporting. Grain deliveries do little if there are no bakers to make bread, if there are not farmers to replant what leftover grain there is. Utilities are pointless when there are not people to maintain them when they break and fall apart, or worse, when they begin to rust and poison their supply.
The answer is to teach not just a select few outside their community, but to teach the community to support themselves. This answer is echoed in nature: If you ‘help’ a butterfly escape its cocoon, you weaken it, damage it and it will never fly, never be beautiful. If you keep it safe and warm (giving it time and the proper tools for it to grow) it will blossom on its own. A stretched metaphor, but the ideal is the same.
Humanity is no longer a series of disconnected states and unreachable countries squabbling over resources. We are more connected than ever before, a global community. But we do not support ourselves. Our vision is narrowed by the past, a tunnel vision of what “Success” looks like from the eyes of hundreds of years ago, when we have clearly moved past those ideas.
But to address a more pressing concern. Unity, understanding, apathy and the grasp of evil. “Evil succeeds when good men do nothing” a sentiment that many have no doubt heard over their lives. But it seems a sentiment easily forgotten. It is a call against apathy and the idea that “It’s not my problem”, when injustice is injustice and should always be swiftly crushed. Because evil is not some grand villain twirling his moustache in glee, it is your neighbor who makes a comment when he should know better. Willful ignorance is evil. Evil is a man who in his bitterness, takes more for himself because he feels he deserves it not because he has worked hard, but because he is “Entitled” to it. Evil is the man who turns a blind eye when his fellow man is murdered, simply because “That man was not me, he was lesser”. No man is lesser or greater than his neighbor. While violence does exist, it is fueled by fear and ignorance and desperation. Only unnatural or unloved beings truly seek to harm their fellow man, never given the chance either by fate or cruelty to truly feel empathy. These are outliers of humanity, a vast minority. There will always be outliers, extremists and those who simply don’t care. But we must not let these small minorities color our broad definition of others. It is also important to project an image of unity and strong leadership, even in a community that is “leaderless”. The community must show a unified face. This is important in any capacity to show determination and a commitment to an ideal. It also helps push a singular narrative that outside forces cannot compromise. When a system is weak, when it has no public leaders or “Face” then it seems disjointed no matter how wide-spread a message it is. It will always be undermined by the opposition and face severe scrutiny and a strong unified opposition will always win, no matter how humanitarian the message may be. Even if the opposition ‘Loses’, they will give concessions, they will “Make peace”, but still remain in power. When evil is allowed to remain in power, it doesn’t matter who wins or loses. Because evil is patient, evil is insidious, and they’ll quietly ignore or even remove those little concessions and compromises given. When a problem is presented and it is so deeply ingrained as these inhumanities, it is prudent to ask “Why has this not been addressed earlier? Who would stand to profit from this continued inequality?” The answer becomes two-fold: It is either misunderstanding and simply resistance to change, or it is deliberate and willful ignorance. If it is the second, then the problem is no longer simply the cruelty of action, it is the evil of inaction, an open contempt for those who have been deemed lesser. To exemplify this: Why do so many push back against measures to lessen our changing climate? Despite the ever-growing evidence that supports these conclusions and how dangerous inactivity is? Why is it that so many injustices and hardships are considered simply “The norm”, because “life isn’t fair” when they are easily fixed? Even those politicians and law-makers who rise up in support of these ideals either become quickly voted out, or simply ignored as a minority. Those that don’t, those who change their tune to “tow the line” are supported and strengthened by the party at large. This indoctrinates those who rise up and teaches them how to lead others. The corruption becomes a mainstay, inherent in the system itself. Shouldn’t the system or at least those within it be removed for their corruption? After so long it no longer matters who the “President” is, or who gets voted out or in, because they will always be “a part of the club”.
Politically in America we are “Represented” by large groups named Democrats and Republicans. These are the two major parties, where lobbyist money is heaviest funneled into. There is no reasonable or feasible way for someone who is not in these two parties to succeed in politics. But who are these Parties? They are meant to represent the common man’s interests, but how many “Common men” today are millionaires? Multi-millionares? Not only that, it is easy to see there is a disproportionate amount of men to women, and of those nearly all are caucasian. Older, very independently wealthy caucasian men, who are given money by huge corporations to sway their opinions. This is not a new development, going back over 100 years these issues are seen by those reporting in politics. Then the question becomes, do these men and women currently “Towing the line” truly represent the American people? Should they? How disconnected are they from the American people, if many by their own admission dont know how much food costs for the average family or how much income is appropriate and allows people to live on a week to week basis. It is important to know your enemy and while these men and women who have halted progress for the American people time and time again are indeed a large portion of the issue; When only giving the smallest of concessions when they are caused great inconvenience (the civil rights movement and various other smaller rebellions). It is important to remember that the best chance we have to support our communities and society at large is to plan ahead long term goals and educate our children how not to make our society’s blunders while preparing them for life.
Every child deserves the right to education, a proper education. Not where they are belittled next to their peers, punished for socializing and asking questions of their teachers. Our current system of education is not education. It is instruction. Instruction on how to fit a mold that is so niche and old-fashioned, it almost no longer exists. The factory worker. The paycheck to paycheck worker who has no hope of rising above their station. Our system of education is meant to cram as much “catch-all” knowledge into our children’s minds, quiz them on memorization and punish them for creative thought that is not directly monetizable. This kills creativity, imagination and passion pursuits. It kills curiosity and drive and the desire to work together with like-minded individuals. But this is for those who can go to school. Many cannot, because of fear, because they lack money or simply because they do not have access to a school. No child should fear going to school. No child should be denied education because they have no funds.
These are basic human rights. A right to a proper education. But too many times, this narrative is twisted. “Well they come from less fortunate neighborhoods, we can’t help them” “How can a school make extra money if students don’t pay for things?” These questions are used to turn the victim into the responsible party. These are used to turn what should be a basic human right into a political message. This is the insidious nature of those in power, able to turn mothers against children, able to tell the poorest among us that they don’t deserve more but that it’s okay because they’re not quite at the bottom yet. A corruption perfected over hundreds of years, so subtle that even the people who preach these messages of hate don’t even see how what they say is wrong.
To return to the idea of Parties and Democrats and Republicans. One might ask “how did it get this way? Shouldn’t it simply be a simple argument?” to that I ask, what does it mean to be Democratic or Republican? To be Left or Right? Some might argue that it is “Progressives vs Traditionalists”, but that idea is called into question when both parties have members who argue for both sides depending on the issue. Perhaps it did indeed start as that, but as anyone with any political knowledge could tell you, it certainly isn’t that now.
When arguing, one might say “Well let’s compromise a little”, to meet in the middle between ideas. Then what happens when one party compromises a little less than the other? And a little less compromise every time? Eventually neither parties are meeting in the middle anymore, but far to the right or left of where they started. This is how the parties became so blended, because it is no longer a talk between progressives and traditionalists. It is an argument between moderates and radicals. This is how you can have political discussions on “Can pregnant raped mothers be criminals?” “Should we simply “Push out” these lesser people by any means necessary?” This is why when a discussion is had when an incident of gun violence occurs, it is not a question of “How did he not receive proper treatment for his obvious mental illness” instead it becomes “How can we control people’s access to guns so this doesn’t happen again?”
So many people today are depressed, tired and see no hope in this world we live in. They say “what’s the point of struggling?” in regards to work, a home, a family. Because they see the society we live in and see it for what it is, an automated system designed to turn people into workers who will never see vacation days, never feel fulfilled or have friends because we are taught to fear, hate and compete constantly with anyone we meet. That is the flaw in the capitalist system. But at the same time, these unfortunate souls do not see or see no point in struggling against the system that was built by human hands. Too many merely accept “The way things are”, because it will take time and energy. But they do not see how easily they could change things. How, if many people stood up, their change would be possible and working together we can make that lasting change faster and not just for those of us alive today but for the good of the human race and generations down the line.
We are only as enslaved as we allow ourselves to be. All men, women and children deserve to be free, lead the best life they can. Or the freedom at least to see every aspect of life and choose how they want to live, with the knowledge that it was a choice, not simply an ‘economic mishap’ that they ‘fell through the cracks’.
In today’s society, there is no excuse for an outbreak of pathological proportions to grow unchecked. To put the lives of millions at risk in favor of the economy. To have the existence of said disease be a matter of political debate, or that a few small sacrifices for the public good are an “encroachment of personal rights” while the lives of those who make mistakes are simply forfeit because they are “criminals”. All of these things are unacceptable. But this is not a failure of the people. Would you blame a child for eating cookies before paying for them? Or would you blame the mother for not teaching her child not to take things that aren’t theirs? A child has no concept of money, value, or cost until taught. You wouldn’t even know what a store is if not taught, it could simply be a storehouse full of food, free for the taking. No these are merely symptoms of a greater disease, a slow rot that has unfortunately spread to every corner of human society. The corruption of ignorance, fear, and desperation. Ignorance leads to fear and fear leads to desperation. The blind ignorance leads to those with too much causes them to fear those without, that what they feel they have earned will be taken from them. This leads to desperation, to take any measure possible to keep those without ignorant of how much they truly have. The ignorance of those who do not have much leads to fear of why they are oppressed, why they do not have enough. This leads to desperation, an angry scramble to simply not be at the bottom, which leads to infighting and hate, which leads to confusion and more ignorance. The Rich see this as confirmation of their own ignorant bias, and only solidifies their hold. A cycle of corruption ensues to keep every man woman and child down, enslaved by violence and ruled by fear.
But this is not how the world is, and not how it must be. Even things set in stone can be broken and a system made by human hands can be adjusted or torn down by those same human hands if we all simply band together and say “Enough”. That we will not be ruled by fear any longer. This does not mean that all establishments must be torched and burned, nor should it. We must learn from history or doom ourselves to repeat it through ignorance. But there is no reason we cannot have a system, especially in today’s connected age, made for the people and by the people. As promised to us. There is no reason that ideas of Freedom, Unity, Understanding and Justice cannot be for all people. We must first believe in these ideals, if not for others than for ourselves. Belief turns into faith, faith turns into practice and practice makes it real.
While the world we live in may never be perfect, never truly conflict free, there is no reason it cannot at least attempt to live up to our dreams. There is no reason we cannot and should not shake off the mistakes of humanity’s bloody past and start fresh, with all people looking forward to a hopeful future if not an already brighter one.
No one is lesser or greater than anyone around them. No one deserves violence and hate simply for how, where or who they were born as. No one should be denied the chance to change, to say “But I don’t want this” because of someone else’s ideals. Too many slings and arrows, bullets and bombs that could be food for those who need it, a home for someone homeless. This should not be a pipedream or a radical thought but simple empathy accepted. No mothers should have to cry over dead children. No family should feel the sting of a life lost to violence. No child should be turned away or turned into a commodity simply because of the color of their skin but by their character. Perhaps there is too much blood and tears shed to truly lay down arms forever. But I believe that it is inexcusable not to try. To take that first step towards a world lit by empathy balanced with logic and how best to help. To not fear your neighbor but respect them as a human being whoever they are. To say no to ignorance, hate and bigotry and make these a part of your character. To disagree with someone is not to hate them, to respect or love them any less. To love someone does not mean you will not disagree with them.
When we can weed out those who are outliers, the unnatural who hate or seek to degenerate others, when we have done all we can reasonably and logically with empathy, then and only then have they rejected our help can we truly judge them as worthy of our ire. This is the goal, to see all those on equal footing, respected as human beings, if not as people. When the past is learned from and pride is in ourselves and our own actions, not simply earned from silent ancestors who made many more mistakes than recorded, that is a world worth moving towards. A past of acknowledgement, understanding and learning, not simply blind pride or shame. When all men and women can admit that mistakes and wrongdoing do not make you lesser, to accept responsibility and the consequences of one’s actions willingly. But we must take these first tentative steps together, collectively. As man and woman and man and man, of every race and creed, we must walk together into the light of a brighter tomorrow. We may stumble or falter but we must never stop striving towards our great tomorrow in the sunlight. We stand at the precipice of a new age, a new era. Now more than ever these Ideals must ring true in the heart of everyone. Not a race, but a marathon, a climb that may seem endless but will forever be out of our reach if we do not grasp for it. Mankind must make sure as we head into the future, it is not one of war, desperation and sorrow. We, collectively, must realize our own power to be heard that must be heard.
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2020.06.15 03:01 skeletor_thagawd Disordered Thought: Delusions, Paranoia, and Other Unusual Thinking of Charleston Church Shooter Dylann Roof (excerpt from Roof's psychological evaluation)

Intro
Over the years, Dylann has displayed a number of highly unusual symptoms that suggest disordered thinking and lack of contact with reality, and a number of people interviewed described Dylann as odd or weird. His behavior was reported to be particularly atypical in the months leading up to the shooting. Atypical behavior is often a sign of mental illness, particularly psychosis.
Dylann is young, and, as discussed more fully in Dr. Maddox’s report, he is at the age where symptoms of schizophrenia spectrum disorders are most likely to become apparent. The symptoms displayed at this time, in this evaluator’s opinion, are consistent with what is known as attenuated psychosis syndrome. It appears that Dylann is aware of this, even as he continues to try to conceal symptoms. For instance, as reported in his grandfather’s grand jury testimony, Dylann confessed to his grandfather that based on an online quiz he took, he met criteria for a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. Obviously, an online quiz is not a valid measure of psychopathology, but it is significant that Dylann was motivated to take such a quiz, that the answers scored him within range for this condition, and that he reported it to his grandfather, who referenced it in his testimony. It is not clear what symptoms he endorsed on the quiz, but there is an increasing amount of evidence for a psychotic thought process.
Delusions
During this evaluation, Dylann described a complex somatic delusion that included an imbalance of testosterone, such that one half of his body was less developed than the other. He stated that this resulted from problems with his thyroid. (He does, in fact, have a very minor thyroid dysfunction that does not require medication.) A note from the medical assistant to the physician in Dylann’s endocrinologist’s office from April of 2014 noted: "He called very anxious. You saw him 4/4/14 and have him coming back 6/13/14 after lab work. He is not on thyroid medication and wants to get on thyroid medication immediately. He thinks his thyroid is getting bigger. It may be best if you call the pt, he is extremely anxious. It looks like in your office note there were some anxiety factors as well."
This is consistent with a pattern of other instances of delusions about medical issues as well. Danny Beard said Dylann was concerned that one shoulder was higher than the other, his mother stated that Dylann’s thyroid issue started because he was convinced he had cancer. Mr. Beard did have a bout of cancer and had his lymph nodes removed. This occurred before Dylann’s mother knew or dated him. Once Dylann knew about Mr. Beard’scancer, he started checking his own lymph nodes and expressing concern that they were enlarged and saying he had cancer. His mother took him to the doctor, and he became obsessed with the idea that he had a problem with his thyroid. He would go to the doctor by himself and spend his own money to get blood work or whatever tests he could get, even when the doctors said they were not necessary. The doctors said there really was not anything wrong with him, and this upset Dylann.
Dylann told the evaluator that he does not expect to die if he receives the death penalty. He said that he will be rescued when “the race war breaks out.” At a later date, he advised her to move from Chicago because it is heavily populated with African Americans, while the rest of Illinois is not. When “the race war breaks out,” Dylann said that Illinois’ Whites will flock to Chicago to fight, and the evaluator does not want to be caught up in that. He also said that things were going to “get ugly” at his trial, hinting at violence, but declined to be specific about what would happen. When making these comments, Dylann was not tentative or expressing fears of a worst-case scenario. Rather, his tone was emphatic, as if he were certain about what to expect.
Paranoia
There is substantial evidence for paranoid thinking as well. Beliefs in racist ideas or conspiracy theories are not necessarily associated with psychiatric illness in an individual. However, when an individual feels compelled to act or h is choices and behavior are substantially controlled by these ideas, they can cross the line into psychosis.
Clearly, Dylann’s belief in the threat posed by race-based conspiracies drove him to action. He also adjusted his daily behaviors because of concerns about contamination from chemicals. Dylann was very “peculiar” about chemicals according to his mother’s report. He did not want anything with chemicals to come into contact with him. For example, he told his mother not to use dusting spray or other cleaners in his room because he did not want the chemicals in there. He would tell her not to dust in his room even if he wasn’t in the room because he was afraid that there would be chemical residue left over from whatever it was that she used to clean. He refused vaccines because of fears of chemicals, told this evaluator that vaccines cause autism, and begged his mother not to allow his cats to receive shots that contain “chemicals.”
Paranoid thinking also extends to other conspiracies. As Dylann’s father explained to the social historian, Dylann does not trust anyone who works for the government. In a video visit on August 21, 2016 with his parents, Dylann talks about chemtrails, the conspiracy theory that the government pumps chemicals into the sky via airplanes. Dylann said that “they” (the government) are spraying lithium (a mood stabilizer used to treat bipolar disorder) in the chemtrails. To this, his mother replies, “I thought you said those were made by aliens.” She uses a sincere tone and gives no indication of joking. In evaluation, Dylann said that “it’s crazy when people believe in the illuminati and chemtrails” but later in the same conversation expressed concern that heavy metals have been found in chemtrails. When asked about the source of his data, he said he did not know.
Dylann sees other conspiracies as well. In this evaluation, Dylann said that he believes that fluoride lowers IQ. He described the Holocaust as a conspiracy. His grandfather reported that Dylann said “writers from the west coast” promote conspiracy theories, and he was very interested in a number of government conspiracy theories, including the assassination of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King. When Dylann was about 14-years old, per his mother, he refused to receive vaccinations because he thought it was something that the government could use to control you. Paranoia about the government and media were also apparent when this evaluator went to see Dylann shortly after a man drove a car into a crowd of people in France. Dylann’s South Carolina public defender told Roof him that the man who crashed car into crowd in France was not a Muslim. Dylann replied that was not true, that “media is trying to distract you.” Although this disbelief of the media, viewed in isolation, could be cast as a political perspective, Dylann’s distrust of the media must be understood in conjunction with his other symptoms of unusual thinking, as indicative of mental illness.
Besides the larger conspiracy theories, Dylann holds other paranoid beliefs. As described in the Anxiety section above, Dylann’s level of self-consciousness has crossed the line into paranoia. People described a phase in which Dylann wore the same hooded sweatshirt every day and his David Sprayberry described Dylann using the hood to hide his face. His mother said he insisted that she not stop next to other cars in traffic because people would look at him. If she were driving him somewhere, Dylann would tell her to speed up or slow down so that they would never be parallel with another car on the road because he did not want the people in the other car to look at him. If they had to stop at a stoplight, Dylann would turn his head away from the window so that people in the other cars could not see him. David Sprayberry described this tendency to hide from others with the hood as “almost like a cocoon that Dylann liked to be in.” He elaborated that “Dylann did not like other people to see him.”
Dylann told this evaluator that he thought the defense team was manipulating her and said, “I don’t want you to get in trouble” but “These guys [the defense] are tricking you and coaching you on what to say.” He appeared genuinely concerned about me. In fact, Dylann apologized to me for interfering with my evaluation when he asked his family not to speak with me.
Justin Meek when interviewed by investigators said that when using marijuana Dylann claimed to hear voices. Justin also said that Dylann told him that marijuana made him so paranoid that he stopped smoking it.
Unusual Thinking
At times, Dylann’s thinking seems confused In the most striking instance of this during the evaluation, Dylann claimed that he once ran a website and was interviewed by someone from the Daily Stormer (a white nationalist website). He said that the Daily Stormer ran an article and quoted Dylann as saying “white people are responsible for all of the ills in the world.” Dylann said that he does not want people to know that he made that statement in the interview. Dylann then said, “maybe it wasn’t really me, but it sounded like my voice.”Not only is Dylann’s confusion about whether he was interviewed notable, but he also referenced the piece on the Daily Stormer as an “article” and then went on to say “it sounded like my voice” as if he could hear it.
Atypicality
In addition to the numerous instances of people describing Dylann as odd, as described above, a few highly unusual behaviors are worth describing:
On the occasions when Dylann did reach out to make social contact, his actions were sometimes odd and made others uncomfortable. Nolan Byrd, in a witness statement, said he had hung out with Dylann only once and knew him through classmates at school. In 2014, years after they had last spoken and after recently adding him as a friend on Facebook, Dylann called Mr. Byrd “out of the blue” and asked if he “knew any skinheads.”
Mr. Byrd reported that Dylann went on to ask if Byrd had any black friends, talked about drugs (suboxone) and was “strange and uncomfortable.” The last time Vanessa Clifford heard from Dylann was “weird and awkward,” according to her interview with the social historian. She explained that Dylann called her a couple of months before the shooting and asked if she wanted to go sightseeing or to historical places in Charleston. He asked about a specific plantation, churches, and historic churches. She felt “a weird vibe” from the phone call because he was intensely focused on Charleston and the call was “out of nowhere.” Ms. Clifford explained that Dylann acted like they were good friends, but she had not seen him in years. He also asked if she knew anyone who sold crack (and said he was joking when she said no) and whether there are a lot of black people in Charleston. He seemed to be in a heightened state, as Ms. Clifford described him as sounding “like when he’s really into something, when he’s hyper.”
Certainly, many people with ASD and no other mental health problems can present as odd because they do not adhere to social conventions.
Amber, Dylann’s sister, explained that when she called home, he rarely wanted to speak with her. She stated that in approximately 2013, however, Dylann started initiating weird conversations. He called her and asked odd questions or wanted to talk about strange things. She recounted that he once called her to ask a bunch of questions about how cultured she was, and he concluded that she was not cultured at all. He called her once while she was living in Florence [85 miles from Columbia] and asked her to bring him some chicken, but Amber told him she was not going to bring him chicken from Florence. He would sometimes call her and ask her for money.
Amber said she became engaged to be married in November 2014. Soon after, in early 2015, Dylann texted her from phone numbers she did not recognize and pretended to be two different ex- boyfriends: Grayson and Andrew. Amber said that she was not sure how Dylann had access to phone numbers that she did not recognize. She thought he might have been using a computer program to generate the texts from anonymous numbers. The search history from computers Dylann accessed during this time included terms for “prank call” and lends credence to this hypothesis.
Amber also said Dylann called her at times with weird questions, such as calling and asking her to buy him a laptop. A number of other reporters, including Dylann’s grandparents, report “crazy questions.”
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Source: https://www.courthousenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/LOFTON-ROOF-EVALTUATION.pdf
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2020.06.04 02:05 invah Wiki

What is abuse?
Power
Abusers
"If people can't control their own emotions then they have to start trying to control other people's behaviour." - Robin Skynner; John Cleese
"When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you..." - Jill Blakeway
"How to not abuse someone. 'Don't hit them' would be mentioned but wouldn't be the focus. The focus would be on 'don't try to control them.'" - Holly, The Pervocracy
"You don't know how to love people. You only know how to own them. And because people will never act just like you want them to, Mother, you'll always feel betrayed....you'll always feel cheated. But you're the cheat, Mother. You're the one who uses our love for you to try and control us." - Orson Scott Card, Xenocide
"I think too much emphasis is put on love in general. I’ve heard of many atrocities done within families in the name of love but never in the name of respect." - Elvira G. Aletta
Characteristics of abuse and abusive relationships
"The most insidious aspect of living with an angry or abusive partner is not the obvious—nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those episodes." - Steven Stosny
Couples therapy makes things worse for victims of abuse
If violence has been, and especially if it currently still is an issue in your relationship, then Couple Counselling is not recommended. Nor is Mediation if you are going through separation or divorce. Basically the abuse itself has to be dealt with BEFORE any form of joint counselling or mediation can be effective, and in the meantime can, at best, deflect from the actual problem and fudge responsibility issues. (source)
Victim-blaming
Emotional Regulation
Cognition
Sense of Self
Coping Mechanisms: Adaptive and Maladaptive
Victim Responses
"I thought we had a communication problem. It turns out, we had a respect problem." - SunflowerRenaissance, comment
Boundaries
The healing/recovery process
Healthy relationships
The Toxicity of Neo-Enlightenment Thinking
Communicating your experience to a potentially skeptical audience
Reddit: on relationships and partners
Reddit: on parenting
Reddit: on emotional states
Reddit: on paradigms
Reddit: on argument
submitted by invah to AbuseInterrupted [link] [comments]


2020.05.23 19:16 NotMarilee RT Rundown May 16, 2020 - May 22, 2020

Last Week
This post lists everything Rooster Teeth has released from May 16, 2020 to May 22, 2020. The organization of this post follows the order of the links on the sidebar on the website. First exclusive content is surrounded in asterisks ( *EXAMPLE*) while content that is currently exclusive but will be available publicly later is followed by an asterisks and the date in which it will be free (EXAMPLE*Free May 30th.) This does not include content that will lose exclusivity on the day this post is made (May 23rd.)
NEWS:
ROOSTER TEETH:
RT PODCAST #597 - Your Third Eye is a Mouth
*RT PODCAST POST SHOW #597 - Self Cleaning Doorbell*
ALWAYS OPEN #137 - Barbara and Maude Garrett - Separated at Birth?
*STILL OPEN #137 - Who Should Pay the Bills*
ALWAYS OPEN - Just The BOIS - Dating While Queer
GOOD MORNING FROM HELL - Genghis Khan Conquers Clayton
BLACK BOX DOWN - Tragedy In The Everglades
CHUMP #12 - WHO Lived In A HAUNTED HOUSE?
*CHUMP CHANGE #12 - Watch I Have Notes!*
CRUNCH TIME - Season 2 Table Read - Episode 1
RT INBOX - Trying to Hide from Jon in Animal Crossing
RT LIFE - Did We Ruin our Hair? Big Hair Challenge
HARD MODE - Dirty Bingo - Stealing, Flashing & Hook-ups
RTTV SPECIALS - A Healthy Dose of Anger
*RT STREAMS - Overcooked 2 with Chad, Jessica, Mariel and Chris*
RT STREAMS - Gus & Chris Play With Airplanes - The Return of Sim Airport
RT STREAMS - Die Is Cast #2 - Good Cop/Bad Cop with Judge Bread and Lunko
RT STREAMS - Screen Time: Ghost Rider
RT STREAMS - Barb’s 5 Star Island
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER:
OFF TOPIC #233 - I Could Go For Some Ayds
*LAST CALL #233 - Michael Steals Baby Hitler*
HARDCORE MINIGOLF - Premieres June 10 - Official Trailer
ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER - Creating Mega64 with Shawn Chatfield - Keeping The Lights On #9
AHWU #526 - We’re Tickling Bits
*7 WONDERINGS - SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA*
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES - Creating Code That Destroys
BETWEEN THE GAMES - Bye Bye TV (AH Vault)
AH ANIMATED - Quest For The Purple Sword
ROULETSPLAY - Grenades Go Boom Boom - Hand Simulator
LET’S ROLL - Distant Deceivers w/ James Willems - One Night Ultimate Werewolf (Tabletop Simulator)
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - We Crash WikiFeet!?
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Super Smash Bros w/ Castle Super Beasts
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - 7 Days to Die
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Astroneer
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Dead by Daylight w/ Dodger
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Ultimate Chicken Horse
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - GTA V w/ Community
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - The Ballad of Branagh the Bard - Role Initiative
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Animal Crossing W/ Elyse Willems
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Mario Kart W/ Chilled Chaos and Tom
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - GMOD: TTT w/ Hat Films
AH STREAM ARCHIVE - Post Team Does Table Top Simulator
LET’S PLAY - Resident Evil Resistance - I’m Hot, But Awesome
LET’S PLAY - Death from Above! - Halo 3 LASO ODST (Part 4)* Free May 24th
LET’S PLAY - We All Die in a Chaos Submarine - Barotrauma
LET’S PLAY - Gavin is Jack - Trivial Pursuit #31
LET’S PLAY GTA V - Wait and Sprunk - Open Wheel Races* Free May 25th
LET’S PLAY GMOD - Everybody Gets A Tazer!* Free May 27th
LET’S PLAY MINECRAFT #423 - More Like Totems of Crying - YDYD 3 (Part 8)
FUNHAUS:
*LAST LAUGH - The Great Dunkelman Take-Down - Episode 5*
DUDE SOUP #279 - Sex Dolls Are Not Real Soccer Fans, and Club Penguin is Too Racy for Disney
DEMO DISK - Star Wars: Sprite of the Old Republic w/ Bruce Greene
BOARD AS HELL - Mysterium* Free May 24th
YOUR COMMENTS - Wheel of Thirst!
FILMHAUS - Michael Jordan: Hero or Tyrant
FULLHAUS - Tarkov is a LONELY and SCARY Place (UNCUT) - Escape From Tarkov Gameplay
FULLHAUS - Get This HORSE An Intervention! (UNCUT) - St.Hazel’s Horspital Gameplay
GAMEPLAY - We Suck At Valorant w/ Achievement Hunter
GAMEPLAY - Grab Your Deck and Play - Legends of Runeterra
GAMEPLAY - Fantastic Heists and Where To Find Them - GTA Online Casino Heist Part 6
GAMEPLAY - Hogwarts and All - Broomstick League Gameplay
GAMEPLAY - Domestic Violence: James and Elyse Play Streets of Rage 4
GAMEPLAY - Book ‘Em and Cook ‘Em! - LA Noire Part 8
GAMEPLAY - RT Exclusive: Streets of Rage 4 Fullplay Part 1
FUNHAUS LIVE - Animal Crossing w/ Elyse and Friends
FUNHAUS LIVE - Halo 2 w/ Adam and Jacob
FUNHAUS LIVE - Omar and Jacob Kill Monsters Part 3
FUNHAUS LIVE - Alanah and The Gang Play “Am I the Asshole?”
FUNHAUS LIVE - Animal Crossing w/ Lindsey and the Gang
ANIMATION:
RTAA - Spicy Peen* Free May 25th
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - Flower Dance Betrayal*
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - Zelda on PS4!*
*BACKWARDZ COMPATIBLE - The Last One*
I HAVE NOTES - Peelys: A Very Bad Idea
SELECT ALL - No Jocks Allowed! - Animal Crossing Villager Tier List Top Tier
SELECT ALL - Bell or No Bell #1
INSIDE GAMING:
INSIDE GAMING ROUNDUP - 2021 Could Be A Disaster For Games
INSIDE GAMING PODCAST - Send News #13 - New Call Of Duty HYPE!
INSIDE GAMING SPECIAL - How To Have The Last Laugh ft. Elyse Willems
INSIDE GAMING FEATURES - These Games Need A Comeback
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Anthem Reboot Team Is Really Small
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Microsoft’s Already Beating Sony
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - GTA Publisher Releasing 93 New Games
INSIDE GAMING DAILY - Is This Sonic Hoodie Racist?
INSIDE GAMING LIVE - Everything Has Gone Wrong - Model Employees
INSIDE GAMING LIVE - Learning To Forgive - Stay Zen with Kdin #6
INSIDE GAMING LIVE - Jeopardy
INSIDE GAMING LIVE - How To Play Big Mutherf***in Crab Truckers PART 2
INSIDE GAMING LIVE - Moving Out
DEATH BATTLE:
DEATH BATTLE! - Danny Phantom VS American Dragon Jake Long (Nickelodeon VS Disney)
*DEATH BATTLE WITH COMMENTARY - Danny Phantom VS American Dragon Jake Long*
DEATH BATTLE BLOOPERS - Danny Farted Ectoplasm?
DEATH BATTLE CAST #179 - Creator of Danny Phantom Weighs In!
*SUDDEN DEATH #179 - Disney’s Big Big Wallet!*
THE YOGSCAST:
TTT - WE TURN BACK TIME
TTT - THE MANY LIVES OF SHARKY
TTT - STOP DETONATING YOUR FRIENDS!
SIMON’S PECULIAR PORTIONS - You Can Now Go Naked Walking With Llamas
HAT FILMS - THE HAT VS GAMESHOW
HAT FILMS - The Quiz Show of Everything!
HAT FILMS - Smith’s Birthday Lockdown Survival Challenge!
TRIFORCE #127 - My Lil Peeper
HIGH ROLLERS: AEROIS #71 - Wings of Ishtar
GMOD SANDBOX - We Built Hot Wheels
KINDA FUNNY:
KINDA FUNNY PODCAST #66 - Uh oh, Kevin Got A Dog
KINDA FUNNY PODCAST #67 - The Legend Returns
KINDA FUNNY PODCAST #68 - How We Are Going To Save Andy From Funhaus
KINDA FUNNY PODCAST #70 - Where Are We In A Parallel Universe?
KINDA FUNNY PODCAST #71 - Small Children Are Terrorizing Tim’s Home
PS I LOVE YOU XOXO #15 - PS5 DualSense: Ranking the Features
PS I LOVE YOU XOXO #16 - PS5’s Ever-Changing Reveal Plan
PS I LOVE YOU XOXO #17 - Predator: Hunting Grounds Review
INTERNET EXPLORERZ - Drive-Thru Strip Clubs?!?!
INTERNET EXPLORERZ - The Most Dangerous Surf Ever
KINDA FUNNY AF - Nick Made a Short Film
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 5.18.20 - Is It Too Late for Anthem?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 5.19.20 - How Big is Too Big For an Open World?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 5.20.20 - Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 5.21.20 - Is It Possible to Play Every Latest and Greatest Game?
KINDA FUNNY GAMES DAILY 5.22.20 - Will FFVII Remake 2 Sell as Well as FFVII Remake?
SCREENCAST #68 - Is Venom Let There Be Carnage A Bad Name?
SCREENCAST #69 - Lil Dicky’s TV Show Dave is 10/10
SCREENCAST #70 - Star Wars Clone Wars Finale Review and Spoilercast
SCREENCAST #72 - Greg Miller Reacts to The Snyder Cut Release
GAMESCAST #21 - What Is The Best Year In Gaming History?
FRIENDS OF RT:
SONGS ABOUT GAMES - Bioshock Infinite Rap - “Debts to Pay”
DC DAILY May 18, 2020 - “Live from The Pit - It’s George Lopez!”
DC DAILY May 19, 2020 - Stargirl has arrived!
DC DAILY May 20, 2020 - Batwoman Interview w/ Rachel Skarsten & Caroline Dries
DC DAILY May 21, 2020 - Gail Simone “At Home” Interview
DC DAILY May 22, 2020 - Justice League Dark: Apokolips War
SUGAR PINE 7:
BEYOND THE PINE #142 - We lied to you...
BLOG:
Announcing the RWBY Grimm Art Contest
STORE:
ROOSTER TEETH - Night Raker Print
ACHIEVE - Champion Hoodie
ACHIEVE - Champion T-Shirt
FACE JAM - 100% Eat PopSocket
FACE JAM - 100% Eat Trucker Hat
RWBY - Ace Ops Silhouette T-Shirt
RWBY - Team ORNJ Silhouette T-Shirt
RWBY - Team RWBY Silhouette T-Shirt
submitted by NotMarilee to roosterteeth [link] [comments]


2020.05.17 22:10 MalOuija More words detected by u/emoji-fier

0→x 1 10 11 11th 128gb‍️‍️‍️ 12cm 15th 18th 1938message 19th 1b️️️ 1kg 1mm 1v1 2 20th 216 23542th 2416363 2x 2️‍ 3 300kg 310what 354 3cm 3way️️ 3️‍️‍ 4 400lb 46th 4blade 4th 4x 4️‍️‍️‍ 4️️ 5 500 50cm 50x 520jesus️ 556 5clock 5th 6th 7th 80gb‍️‍️ 80gb‍️‍️‍️ 8th 999th 9il 9th abandon above accept acting addition adult aesthetic afghanistan africa african afternoon agree agreement ai air airport al alarm alcohol alert alien always ambulance america american ancient and angel anger angry animal announcement annoyed answer ant antarctica ao applause apple application applied apply applying ar15 architect arm army arrest‍️ arrest‍️‍️ arrest‍️‍️‍️ arrow️️ arrow️️️ arrow️️️️️ art artist ashes asia asian ass astrology athlete‍️ atm attack au australia austria aw award awareness awesome ay az b130️️️ baby back️ back️️ back️️️ bacon bad badge bag balance‍️ balance‍️‍️ balance‍️‍️‍️ ball balloon balls ban banana bank bar barbecue bars baseball basic basketball bat bath bathroom bathtub battery 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candy cannot cant can’t cap car cardboard cards career carnival carolina carrot cars cary cash casual cat cats cat’s cause cause” cayman celebrate celebration central century cereal ceremony ch chad chains champagne change changed characters charger cheese cheeseburger chef‍‍‍ chemistry chicken child childish children‍ children‍‍ children‍‍‍ children‍‍‍‍‍ chili chill china chinese chips chocolate christ christianity christmas️ christmas️️ christmas️️️ christmas️️️️ chugoku church cigarette cinema circle city clap classroom clean cleaning click clock cloth clothes cloudy cloud️ cloud️️️ cloud️️️️️ cm cn co coast coat cock cocktail coconut code coding coffee cog cold college colors comet comment️ comment️️ comment️️️ communication compensation computer concern confirm️️️ confused congrats congratulations connection consider console construction‍️ construction‍️‍️ consultant container continue convert cook cookie cooking cool copyright️️ copyright️️️ countdown country couple court‍️‍️ court‍️‍️‍️‍️ covid19 cow cow” co² crab crazy create creativity creature creepy cricket crossing cruise crush cry crying crystal cs cu culture cummies cummy cumreview cupid cupped curious cursing cussing custom cut cz dad daddy dam dance dance” dancing danger dank dark dart dash data date dating dawn de dead deadly deadpan death december deer degree delete deleted️ delicious demon denied denmark deny depressed desert design despise dessert destination detective️‍️ developed‍ developed‍‍ developed‍‍‍ developed‍‍‍‍ developed‍‍‍‍‍ developer‍‍ developer‍‍‍ developing‍ developing‍‍ developing‍‍‍ developing‍‍‍‍‍ develop‍ develop‍‍ develop‍‍‍ devil diagonal️ diagonal️️️ diamond diamonds️️️ diamonds️️️️ dick dicks die dig dildo dildos ding dinner dinosaur direction disabled disappointed disbelief disco disease dislike display divide diy dj dk dm doctor‍️ doctor‍️‍️ doctor‍️‍️‍️ doctor‍️‍️‍️‍️ doctor‍️‍️‍️‍️‍️ documents dog doge dollar dollars dolls dolphin dominican donate door dork doubt dove down dragon drama draw drawing dream dress drink drip driving drizzle drug drugs drum drunk dumb dusk dutch dvd eagle ear early earth east eat economic economy education ee egg eight elder electricity elephant email embarrassed embarrassing emergency emoji emojis employees empty end energy enforcement‍️ enforcement‍️‍️‍️‍️ engagement engineer‍ england english enter️ enter️️ enter️️️ enter️️️️ entrance environment epic er error et euro european evening event evil exam exclamation exercise exit exit” experience experiment explode explosion express extinct eye eyes face factory fail failure fall family fancy farming fart fashion fast father favorite fax fearful feet‍️ feet‍️‍️ feet‍️‍️‍️ feet‍️‍️‍️‍️ feet‍️‍️‍️‍️‍️‍️ female fencing fighting filing film films financial find finger fingers fire fireworks first fish fist five fix flag flame flex flight flipping floor flower flowers flu flushed fly fog food football forbidden formal formula fortnite forward four fr frame france free french fresh friend friendship fries frozen fruit fuck fucked fucker fuckers fucking fuck— fuk full fun funeral funny future ga gamble game games garbage gas gay️‍ gay️‍️‍ gay️‍️‍️‍ ge gear gem gender general gentleman genuinely german get gf gift girl girlfriend girls git giết giờ glad glass globe gloves goat goblin going gold golf good goodbye good” goofy gorilla government graduate‍‍ grasp grass graveyard great green grimace grinning groceries gross group guess guinea guitar gun gun” gust guy guy… haha haha” hair hall halloween halo hamburger hammer hand hands hands’ happiness️ happiness️️ happiness️️️ happy hard hard” hash️⃣️⃣ hat hate have head headphones health healthcare‍️ healthy hear heart heartbreak hearts️ hearts️️ heaven hedgehog heis helicopter hello help herb here here” herzegovina hey hi high highway hilarious him‍ hippie hipster‍️ hipster‍️‍️ history hit ho hobby hoe hoes hole home homosexual️‍ homosexual️‍️‍ honey hoot hope horn horns horse hospital hot hotdog hotel house houses how how12 hr hug hugs huh human hundred hurricane hurt i icon id idea idiot idiots ie ikea ill increase india indian‍️ industrial‍ industrial‍‍ industrial‍‍‍ industry info information injured ink innocent insect instrument insulting intelligent interest interested international internet interstate into️ into️️ into️️️ invest invested iphone ip️ ip️️ iraq is islam islamic island islands isle israel iss issue️ issue️️ issue️️️ italian italy ive i‘ve i’d i’ll i’ve jacket japan japanese jar jaws jazz je jeans jesus️ jesus️️ jesus️️️ jewish job join joint jordan joy jump justice‍️ justice‍️‍️‍️ kanye karate kawaii kek kevin key keyboard kfc kg ki kick kid kids kill killer kills king kingdom kiss kissing kiss— kitchen kitten knew knife know knowing knowledge knows koala kong korea label labor‍️ labor‍️‍️ labor‍️‍️‍️ lady landing language laptop‍ laptop‍‍ laptop‍‍‍ late laugh laughing launch lawn lawrence law‍️ law‍️‍️ law‍️‍️‍️ lb leader learn learn’ leaves leave‍️ leave‍️‍️ leave‍️‍️‍️ left leftovers legal‍️ legal‍️‍️ legal‍️‍️‍️ legend lemon length leone lesbian️‍ lesbian️‍️‍ lesbian️‍️‍️‍ less letter️ letter️️ letter️️️ lettuce lgbt️‍ lgbt️‍️‍ lgbt️‍️‍️‍ li library license️ lie lies lie” life life️ light lightning like likes limbs limit line️ line️️ line️️️ link lips liquid liquor listen literature lmao load location lock lol lollipop look look… loop lord loser losing lost loud love lt luck lucky lunch lv100 mac machine mad maggot magic mail male mall man manager‍ manager‍‍ manager‍‍‍ man” map mark marriage mask massage️ master math mc52 mcdonalds mcdonald’s meal mean meat medicine mega meh melon meme memes memo men men’s meow message messages metal metro mexican mexico mg microphone midday middle midnight milestone military milk mind minor mm moai mom mom” money mongols mongolsbetter monitor monkey monster month️ month️️ month️️️ moo moon moon️️ moon️️️ more morning morocco mother motorcycle mountain mouse moustache mouth movie moving mr mt muscle music mute mürœ mắt nail namaste name nap nasa nation nature neck needle nemo nervous never new new” next nfl ni nigga niggas night nine ninjas no noise noon nope north northern nose note notes nothing noticed notification no” nuclear numbers nurse‍️ nurse‍️‍️ nursing nut obtain ocean octopus office oh‍️ ok okay okëî ok… old ole omg omg⁄ on one one️hour open orange order other out owl ox pa package paint painter‍ pair palm panda paper parents parent‍ parent‍‍ parent‍‍‍ parking️ parking️️ parking️️️ party pass password pasta paul pause pay paycheck payment peace peach peehle peek pen pencil people percent perfect person pet philippines phone photo physics pick pickle picture pie pig pill pineapple pink pirate pissed pistol pizza place planet plane‍️ plane‍️‍️ plane‍️‍️‍️ planning plant play please please” podcast point poison poisoned poker poland police‍️ police‍️‍️ police‍️‍️‍️ pool poop pork potato potty pouch pound power practice practicing praise prank pray prayer present presentation president press previous️ previous️️ previous️️️ price pride prime princess privacy problem️ problem️️ problem️️️ professor‍ professor‍‍ profile program programmer‍‍ programming progress propose proud pt pt3 pub public pumpkin pumps puppy purchase push pussy queen queer️‍️‍ question quick11 quiet quirky quit quiz rabbit race‍️ race‍️‍️ race‍️‍️‍️ radio rage rain rainbow raised ram ramen ran random rat razor read reading realised realized record recording recovery red reddit registered️ registered️️ relax relaxed️️️ relief relieved religion religion” religious remove repeat republic rest restaurant restricted return️ return️️ return️️️ reunion revolver rice rich right ring rings rip️ rip️️ rip️️️ road roar robot rocket‍ rocket‍‍ rocket‍‍‍ rock‍️ rock‍️‍️ rock‍️‍️‍️ rodent rofl roll rolling rose round royalty rs rude rules run running‍️ running‍️‍️ running‍️‍️‍️ rush russian sad sahara said️ said️️ said️️️ sake sale sales sale” san sand sandwich sandwich” santa sarcasm satan satellite satisfied save say scale scared scary schedule school science scissors️ scissors️️️ score scottish scout scream screen scribble️ scroll sea sealed search season’️ season️ season️️ season️️️ seat second secret security see seems seller senior serbia serious servers service seven sewage shake shape️ shape️️ shape️️️ shape️️️️️ shark shave sheep shell shh shhh shield shiny shiny… ship‍️ ship‍️‍️ ship‍️‍️‍️ shirt shit shitpost shit” shock shocked shoes shoot shopping shot show shower shrimp shy sick sideways️ sideways️️ sideways️️️ sierra sight sign signal silence silent silk silly silver sing sir sit six skeleton skeptics skill‍️ skull sky sleep sleeping slow smart smash smell smile smoke smoke” smoking smug snack snake sneakers sneeze sniff sniper snow snowman soccer socks soda software‍ software‍‍ software‍‍‍ somalia soon sorcerer‍️ sorry sound soup south southern space‍ space‍‍ space‍‍‍ sparkle spa‍️‍️ speak speaker speaking spear special speech speed spent spicy spider spin spiral spoke spooky️ spooky️️ spooky️️️ spoon sports spots spring spy️‍️️‍️ squid squirrel sr stadium stage stalk star starbucks starbucks4 stare starry stars start started states station steps‍️‍️ steps‍️‍️‍️ stew stone stop stopped stripes strong strong… student study stuffed stunned stupid‍️ stupid‍️‍️ stupid‍️‍️‍️ style subreddit success suck sucked sucking sucks suit suits️️️ sum summer sun sunflower sunny️ sunny️️️ sunset support surgery surprise surprised surrender sushi swearing sweat sweden sweet swift swim swimming swirl sword symbols symphony syringe taco tag taiwan talk tap tape tape” target tea teach team tears tech technology teenager teeth telephone️️️ television tell telling temperature temple tennis terrified territories territory terrorism test testé text th thank thanks theater therapist‍️ therapist‍️‍️ therapist‍️‍️‍️ things think thinking third thirst thirsty this this” thot three throne through ticket tickets tiger time tired titanic to tobacco toddler toilet tomato tone tongue tool tools top top” tornado torture️ torture️️️ toy tracking train training️‍️ training️‍️️‍️ training️‍️️‍️️‍️ tram transgender️‍️‍ transgender️‍️‍️‍ trash trash” travel tree triangle triton‍️‍️ triumph truck trump trust truth tshirt tsunami tube turd turkey turtle tv twilight twisted twitter️⃣ twitter️⃣️⃣ twitter️⃣️⃣️⃣ two type tấn u uber ukraine uk‍️ uk‍️‍️‍️ uncle unconscious undead‍️ underage underground undo️️️ unicorn union united university unlock up upset ur urban usa user v vacation vatican vegas vehicle vhs victory video videogames viet vietnam view violence violin virgin volume vomit vomiting vortex vs và vöcëë wait wake walking‍️ walking‍️‍️ walking‍️‍️‍️ want wanted wanting warm warning watch water wave wavy wax way️ way️️ way️️️ wealthy weapon weather website weed weight weird western wet whale what wheelchair when where whine who whoa wholesome️ wholesome️️ why wifi wild win win10 win7 wind wine wings wink winning winter wish witch‍️‍️ witch‍️‍️‍️ wizard‍️‍️ wolf woman women womens wont won’t woof words work worker‍️ worker‍️‍️ worker‍️‍️‍️ working work world world’ worm worried worship worst wow wrench‍‍‍ write writing x xd ye yea yeah yellow yen yes yo yoga‍️ yoga‍️‍️ you young your youre yours you’re yum yummy zap zen‍️‍️ zero zoom ʃx ‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍️ ‍️‍‍ ‍️‍️buuuut… ‘asian ‘coder’‍‍‍ ‘coding’ ‘frog’ ‘fun ‘fun’ ‘i ‘moo ‘mouse’ ‘new ‘out ‘pink “ass “bless “bread” “cock “gay”️‍️‍️‍ “good “hey “hot “how “huh “i “i’ll “look “man “meow” “ok “perfect” “shit “sir “talk “this “up “what “why “you’re ”fuck ↓ ╚═███═╝ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡿⠟⠉⠉⠉⢻⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ あなたは私のことを何と言ったの?私がネイビーシールズでクラスのトップを卒業したことを知ってもらいます。アルクエダで数々の秘密の襲撃に関与しており、300人以上の殺害が確認されています。私はゴリラ戦の訓練を受けており、全米軍の中で最高の狙撃兵です。あなたは私には何の役にも立たず、ただの別のターゲットです。この地球上でこれまで見られなかったような正確さで性交を一掃します、私のクソ言葉をマークします。あなたはインターネットで私にそのたわごとを言うことで逃げることができると思いますか?もう一度考えて、ファッカー。私たちが話している間、私はアメリカ中のスパイの秘密のネットワークに連絡しており、あなたのipは現在追跡されているので、嵐、うじ虫の準備をよりよくすることができます。あなたが人生と呼ぶ哀れな小さなことを一掃する嵐。お前は死んだぞ私はどこにでも、いつでもいることができ、700以上の方法であなたを殺すことができます。それは私の素手だけです。私は非武装戦闘で広範囲に訓練されているだけでなく、私は米国海兵隊の兵器全体にアクセスでき、大陸の顔からあなたの惨めなお尻を拭き取るためにそれを最大限に使用します、あなたはちょっとくそ。もしあなただけが、あなたの小さな「賢い」コメントがあなたに降りかけようとしている不誠実な報復が何であるかを知ることができたなら、たぶんあなたはあなたのクソ舌を握っていただろう。しかし、あなたはできなかったし、そうしなかったし、今やあなたは代価を払っているのだ。私はあなたのいたるところに激怒し、あなたはそれに溺れます。お前は死んだぞ、キッド️️ ️ ️although ️‍ ️‍️ ️‍️‍️‍ ️⃣ ️️ ️️️ � 𝓼𝓱𝓾𝓽 𝓾𝓹
submitted by MalOuija to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.05.03 13:48 RebelWithoutApplause Letter I wrote to my parents (Triggers: descriptions of physical & emotional abuse. Suicidal thoughts)

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Physical abuse - Graphic description of the experience of being ‘spanked.’ Some might consider this SEXUAL ABUSE, I'm not sure. Also some angry outbursts described.
Emotional abuse - General descriptions of behaviors, and some more in depth descriptions of feelings.
Suicide - General explanation of suicidal thoughts.

First, as this sub is heavily moderated I’m assuming at least one mod will read this. I know it’s very long, and I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time. I don’t expect anyone else to read it, and I deliberated for about a month on posting it.
But from lurking this sub for the past several months, I’ve learned a lot, and felt really seen and less alone. I’m hoping this letter will do that for someone else. And I’ve also felt that the feedback from this community has been very helpful to posters, and so if anyone feels compelled to read, and has anything to share, I’m very, very grateful.
TLDR: I’m 29. Dad reached out and asked for my thoughts on his parenting. 3 months into writing him a letter about it my mom called and asked the same thing. Wrote for 3 more months and sent the letter to them both, letting them know it was applicable to them both, not just dad. Received minimal acknowledgement of the letter. They went back to business as usual sending memes and asking about the weather for about 7 weeks.
After sharing the letter, and their subsequent disregard, I went Very Low Contact with them for the past few weeks telling them I was unable to have casual conversations with them given the gravity of what I’d shared and their lack of response. Writing the letter, forced me to aggregate a lot of instances of abuse and see my childhood for what it was. That, and the fact that neither of them cared enough to even call after reading the letter broke my heart, but it also set me free in a way.
Names have been changed and locations redacted. Here’s the letter:
This letter is in response to your inquiry: “First, I know I wasn't the best father ever, but I thought I did a decent job. It was pointed out to me, however, that my children may have a different story, and that it is important for me to hear that story. I want to listen to and understand you and how you feel.”
Interestingly enough, one of the things I recently realized and acknowledged in therapy before you reached out on Thanksgiving, is that you may have never brought this topic up.
I don’t know how far you will take this path of self exploration you are on. In my own life, I came to a point where I realized that the pain of repressing my childhood was greater than the pain of addressing it. Also that my childhood trauma was largely responsible for the areas of my life I was unhappy with, and that to live happily, I would have to address the past.
You’ve probably already found that revisiting the past can be terribly painful, so I support you in what I see as an act of courage.
Although this letter may be difficult to receive, know that I am writing in a spirit of love, and my intention is not to be hurtful, but helpful, and most importantly, honest.

What does being a good father mean to you?
You wrote that you know you weren’t the best father ever but that you thought you did a decent job.
When I asked you over the phone what metric that assessment is based on, it seemed to be based on the idea that growing up, your children were obedient, and as adults they are independent and responsible.
Even as you vocalized that on the phone, you began to question it, seemingly realizing that obedience is not reflective of emotional or psychological health, or the health of a relationship. And seemingly also acknowledging that being a functional adult is not necessarily correlated to having a good or bad father.
Doing your best
I’ve asked myself over the years what it means for one to ‘do their best.’ Perhaps it means to operate at their highest capacity for good with the strength and awareness they have.
I do not presume to know your intentions.
At a certain point however, ‘doing one’s best’ becomes irrelevant, and a lack of awareness is not an excuse- because as adults, we are responsible for our own actions, despite our intentions.
Your children are your equals
I feel that some of your shortcomings as a parent stem from a failure to see your children as equals.
Despite parents and children having different roles and responsibilities, they are both inherently individuals with aspirations, curiosities, preferences and feelings.
Please consider that each human, wether a parent or child, has only ONE LIFE.
And the first eighteen years of that life, amounting to approximately a quarter of an average lifespan, are uniquely precious- a time of vitality and energy, exploration and learning, free from the burdens, concerns and responsibilities of adulthood.
Having children should be a purely altruistic endeavor. That bears repeating. Having children should be a purely altruistic endeavor.
“Wanting kids” is not a good reason to have children. “Wanting a family” is not a good reason to have children. Accidental pregnancy is not a good reason to have children. More obviously, wanting a labor force at your disposal, is not a good reason to have children.
Life can be, and often is for many people a horrifically painful, difficult, and lonely experience. Life can also be beautiful and loving.
So when you bring, unasked, a helpless life into this world, you had damned well be doing it for that child, and not for yourself.
A good reason to have a child is to share all the beauty and love life has to offer with a new human.
Your full intention should be making that child’s life experience beautiful, happy and fulfilling, and to prepare them for a great life after childhood.
You should be ecstatic to make this your first priority.
Below are some of your actions that show a disregard for my life. That is, my time, my aspirations, my curiosities, preferences and feelings. These very largely, but perhaps to varying extents, also apply to my brothers and sisters lives.

Excessive work
While some chores are heathy for children, the majority of labor we were forced to do was very excessive, only mattered to you, and was for your benefit. For example, creating a 14 acre manicured estate was something you wanted perhaps for your enjoyment, your ego, or to increase your property value, but was not important to me, and was not how I wanted to spend my time.
To illustrate, here is a partial list of the work I spent my life doing, at your command.
At [location redacted] (I was 6-7 years old)
This is one of many examples where we were not only compelled to work, but often with dull tools. While we may have had one effective and sharp saw, Jake would usually get this, leaving others with dull clippers. So while Jake, being older, stronger, and equipped with the best tool was effective, and fell in your good graces, others, younger, weaker and struggling to cut down Shumak with dull clippers, were criticized or labelled lazy.
Another illustration of this is the fact that for the majority of years at [location redacted, entire childhood] we only had one spade, one regular shovel, and one scoop shovel, effectively handicapping everyone who didn’t get the one shovel best suited for whatever project we were all working on.
It’s also worth noting that the shovels were very dull, making all our work exponentially more difficult. I only realized the full potential of a properly sharpened shovel when I recently bought one myself.
At [location redacted] (I was 7-17 years old)
(Reddit character count reached so I took screenshots of the text. It's all lists of work.
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Firewood
This is the first work item I’m listing that was partially for my own benefit, heating the house.
If I remember correctly, wood heating was cheaper than propane. I don’t know what your finances were over the years, and when propane would have been a viable financial option for you, but I’d guess if you had even factored in the value of your own time, propane would have been a very similar cost to wood.
But I doubt the cost to your children factored much into your analysis and decision at all. Childhood and teen summers are a precious time in a persons life- it’s an irreplaceable opportunity to be carefree and have fun.
Each of your children spent hundreds of hours cutting, splitting, hauling wood, and cleaning up sawdust from the driveway- what else could we have done with our time instead? Was it worth your financial benefit?
As I said earlier, some chores are reasonable. I understand if there was a financial motivation for you to use wood heat. But in addition to the above, instead of stacking the wood directly under the deck when some of us asked, you had us move the firewood to pine forest for summer storage, and then back to under the deck for winter, because it was your preference to have the patio below the deck open for the summer, despite the fact we rarely used that area.
Wood heating also created the daily chore for everyone in the home to haul wood and stoke the stoves, and a lot of that work fell on us kids.
Other work
The entire list above (excepting the firewood which I explained the caveat) is a partial list of projects, which were important to you, not to me.
All of that work was done in addition to other more common chores, such as:
We were also very useful in projects including:
Remodeling / refinishing the house
Of course some or even all of the items listed under Other Work may have been good and healthy, were it not for the massive list of non-essential work you had us doing for your own preference and benefit.
All of this work (except cleaning the goat shed and digging the trench from the garage to goat shed as noted) was unpaid.
So while a calculation of the labor cost for the many hundreds of hours of work might be interesting, the real cost here is an opportunity cost.
I could have been exploring my own interests, developing skills, building friendships, or just as worthwhile- simply enjoying my life.
And while we did the vast majority of the work compliantly, we did so under duress, as the punishments for arguing, disobedience, or even eye-rolling, ranged from ‘restriction’ (having our few social or recreational outlets taken away, and also no treats such as dessert) to ‘spanking’ (being whipped while naked with a leather belt.)

Lack of socialization
In addition to the work you had me doing, you confined me to home for the majority of my childhood.
Despite my begging to go to a real school since before high school, you refused me every year.
The small amount of socialization I did get was from Puppet Team and Bible Quizzing. A few hours a week, with a few other homeschooled kids, doing nearly 100% parent / Mrs. B supervised activities.
Even at Church we were always standing by your side while you chatted with your friends- I was either not allowed, or not aware that I was allowed to move around and talk to other kids.
I acknowledge there were other opportunities to socialize over the years. We hosted our cousins, the W family, or other predominately homeschooled kids, or I got to go to their houses occasionally.
The V kids were allowed to come over and play, and for a time they were interested in doing that. But after a time they moved on to socializing with other kids, and doing things we weren’t allowed to do. Like play video games, listen to music, ride dirt bikes, go to school sports games, bonfires, or just spend time at other friend’s houses.
In short, the vast majority of the few social opportunities we had were not of our own choosing or preference. (For example some years I was forced to Bible Quiz, or chose Bible Quizzing or Puppet Team because they were my only chance for a bit of socialization.) They were strictly supervised. I was predominately socialized in a very small pool of other homeschooled kids, when at all.

Homeschooling
Around the time I got to Algebra 1/2, I started struggling with math. Despite your repeatedly broken promises to keep up with corrections you fell behind. So I would struggle with concepts on my own, and when I was wrong, I sometimes wouldn’t find out I’d been misunderstanding something (and therefor getting problems wrong) for a week or more.
When my grades went down there were repercussions and ‘privileges’ were taken away.
I was expected to get good grades, but you were inaccessible to help. And so sometimes I would copy the answer keys, and use them to keep my grades at a passable level.
I did that through the rest of my maths, biology and chemistry.
So while it’s a shame I didn’t actually learn those subjects, there’s a greater loss. And that’s the chance to find out in those formative years whether I liked math and sciences, and whether I was good at them.
I now know, ten years later, that I am intelligent, and could absolutely have been good at math and science, and even liked them. But at the time, I formed a deep belief that I was stupid and incapable of learning in technical fields.
This is a letter I wrote to Great Gramma the spring/summer before Jake and Mary’s graduation party. It illustrates a lack of consideration for my childhood experience, the practice of excessive work for your own gain, as well as the shortcomings of homeschooling.
Letter to Great Gramma
It’s very sad to me that I wrote Great Gramma at 5:45 in the morning, sorry for not writing sooner, while enduring that summer schedule.
When I read “Those with school, go work on it. I am one of those” I remember the feeling of despair at the end of those days- up since before 6AM working outside hauling wood or clearing a bank, then school and back to work. And then sitting at my desk after dinner struggling with math corrections while Jake and Mary enjoyed precious free time. When I wrote “I am one of those” I remember identifying as unworthy and inadequate because I didn’t excel at Math like Mary and especially Jake did, which you seemed to value so much in them.
I also very clearly remember when I was in 11th grade, you and mom calling me to the living room and telling me that you were unwilling to help me attend a traditional 4 year college, and would only financially assist me in going to a seminary, despite knowing I was not interested in that.
Violent beatings
It is nearly incomprehensible to me that you would ever consider physically assaulting someone, let alone your own children on a regular basis.
You can dress it up as ’spanking,’ but in reality, you used your position of power and physical strength to force me into your bedroom or a bathroom. And while I, your son, was crying and begging for mercy, you forced me to pull down my pants and underwear, bend over a bed or sink, and lay there while you whipped me with a leather belt.
A spanking was usually 3-6 lashes, but sometimes more. Often you told me I was allowed to cry tears but not to scream. And sometimes when I screamed you would add lashes until I didn’t make a sound.
This happened regularly. There were times it was infrequent, and there were times it was daily- I very distinctly remember periods of time where after daily spankings, I would be shocked at being able to maintain a 2-3 day streak of not getting a spanking. If you have a hard time remembering this frequency, I suggest it’s perhaps because sometimes mom spanked us while you weren’t home. Secondly it’s possible you’ve repressed or suppressed the memory of it.
The last time you and mom whipped me I was 16 or 17. It was in the basement utility room. You gave me 40 lashes- I remember this clearly because I counted and thought it was ironic considering the Jewish rule ‘40 lashes minus one.’ You whipped me first and after 20 you stopped and said your arm was tired and mom took over.
It’s interesting that even the handful of bible versus condoning ‘the rod’ don’t say it’s the only effective manner of teaching your children.
I would guess that sometimes you were compelled to beat your children by a strange and very poorly thought out belief that you were adhering to the Bible or good parenting practices. But I also very firmly believe that sometimes you were acting out of anger and possibly resentment.
It’s hard to adequately describe the physical pain of being whipped with a leather belt. It stings. The anxiety of laying face down, being told not to scream or move, and waiting for the crack of a belt on my naked butt is overwhelming. It’s hard to breath. I feel worthless. I’m doing my best in life, I want to be a good kid. I want to be good enough for my parents to love me and I’m really trying my best but I ALWAYS fuck up and end up laying here with them behind me whipping me. My heart in my chest feels like it’s flooded with stress and about to explode but I’m trying to hold all my emotion in so I don’t scream when the next lash comes down.
You also did these things to my brothers and sisters. The emotional stress of watching you angrily (or even calmly for that matter) pull my little brother Nate, or my sister Mary, or my brother Jake into your bedroom to whip them was sickening and nearly unbearable.
It pained me emotionally to a point where despite the physical pain, I was willing to take other’s spankings myself- and once, when allowed, I did. Nate and I were both in trouble for something and after taking my own spanking, I asked mom to take Nate’s myself. And so she spanked me a second time- three or four ‘swats,’ which I remember thinking was an ‘easy spanking’.
Nate has shared with me that he also felt extreme emotional distress while others were being spanked. That while I received the 40 lash whipping described above, he was in the basement. He heard the lashes and lost count of them. He said his full emotion was that you hated us and we were trapped and being beaten.
In addition to this, there were other cruel punishments like pouring tabasco sauce on my tongue or putting a bar of soap in my mouth.

Outbursts of anger
Over the years you had many angry outbursts toward us children and mom, which scared me.
A few times that come to mind:
This goes back to what I was writing earlier about doing your best. In my own life, when I realized I had an anger problem, I took some time to read articles and watch videos on anger management. A large motivation for getting into therapy was to deal with it. I wanted to deal with it because I was terrified of treating the people I love poorly. Not just because I thought I might lose them, that was part of it, but I also knew that they deserved so much better. And I couldn’t bear to think of being an angry brother, or one day being an angry dad or husband. So I’m not sure how you let it go on so long.
During a particularly authoritarian time period, Mom wouldn’t let us call her Mom any more, and angrily insisted us children refer to her as MUAM, meaning Mean Ugly Army Machine. That made me feel like everything was my fault. That it was my fault she felt ugly, my fault she was being mean.
I’m mentioning this because I often felt the same way in regard to you. Like when you would yell at me. Or the summer evening when I was probably about 12. Something ‘went wrong’, I don’t remember what. But I remember you being angry and sending me to bed early. It was still bright outside, and I laid in the bunk bed in the loft looking out at the driveway watching Jake and Mary and Nate riding bikes, and you and Mom walking around, and I just wanted to disappear.

Responsibility
Before I share how all of these things made me feel, and effected me, I will say that I don’t hold you responsible for the state of my life.
Going back to what I wrote in the Doing Your Best section, at a certain point in life, we are responsible for our own behavior and lives, regardless of our intentions, level of fortitude, and past experiences and traumas.
So maybe you look back and wish you were a different person years ago with more self discipline, a healthier emotional state and more awareness of how to live well. When I look back to life on my own at 18, I wish that for myself as well. But I was where I was- lost, desperate and blind. And despite that, I accept responsibility for my own actions and life after I left home.
However, excepting responsibility doesn’t negate the fact that my childhood brought me to where I was, and that at 17 I was ill-equipped to succeed.
How all of these things affected me- career, depression and loneliness
While the above may give you some idea that I was unhappy in my childhood, I’ll share a bit more about the way these things made me feel.
I often felt worthless. Especially after being yelled at or beaten with a leather belt. I loved you, and as a child, inherently wanted to be truly seen and accepted as I was. But I often felt I could never live up to your standards, and that I wasn’t good enough to be loved. I thought about killing myself since about 13 years old and believe the only reason I didn’t go through with it was being unwilling to leave Nate and Sarah alone in that world.
After the YWAM DTS program when I returned home about a month before my 18th birthday, you and mom told me I had to move out by the time I turned 18 unless I- (I actually have forgotten the stipulation- I think it was make a plan, or get a job or find a college.) But a month is not a long time to do any of those things, other than perhaps find a minimum wage job. I remember visiting a college near [redacted] alone during that month. I toured the campus, toured the cheapest rental apartments I could find, which were VERY run down, and applied for a job at a restaurant all in the same day and just felt terribly alone and overwhelmed. As my birthday approached I felt rushed and lost.
So at 18 years old I drove alone to Florida. I was nearly socially inept and completely lacked self-confidence. I feel lucky to have landed a job at Taco Bell, and subsequently as a bus boy, and then working the counter at a deli.
I also feel lucky that when I moved to [redacted] to try making more money as a deck hand on a yacht I wasn’t completely taken advantage of by the two gay guys who hired me with no experience, strictly for my looks and desperation which they figured would translate to hard work.
At a time when I could have been in college earning a degree, I was overworked and underpaid for two years of my life, from 18-20 years old, simply because I was happy to have some sense of stability.
During this period of my life I was unable to make friends. The only people who ‘befriended’ me were gay guys who’s intentions were eventually made clear.
My social awkwardness, lack of common experiences, and crippling lack of self esteem led to an inability to relate to others.
As a result I suffered from deep loneliness and suicidal depression as I struggled to create and maintain any meaningful connection.
At 21, frustrated with yachting, I gained an interest in acting, mostly because people told me I looked like an actor, and it seemed more creative and lucrative than yachting, and required no college degree. At one point I was living in a studio apartment weeks late on rent, and had no money whatsoever- I remember searching the floor of my car under the seats for change to buy an eighty-nine cent taco.
I spent 7 years pursuing acting in LA from 21-28. During this time I began to slowly socially acclimate, but I spent the majority of this time fighting depression and loneliness. I could never figure out exactly why, but people never seemed to want to be my friend, and girls never wanted to date me.
Because I was rejected by the majority of people, I gravitated to other social outcasts and degenerates, leading to smoking crystal meth, getting arrested, and most detrimentally, being attacked by a drunken man twice my size, who dislocated my shoulder. The shoulder injury cost me thousands in medical bills, years of limited ability, and held me back from achieving my health and career goals.
During the seven years I pursued acting I’m not sure you offered to help once. I know that when I asked, you did loan me money for headshots and let me pay it back interest free at my own pace, and I appreciate that. But over the years instead of supporting me by offering to help me research how to be successful, or offering to pay for a class, when we spoke you would usually simply ask how it was going, or ask me when I might stop pursuing it.
I am blessed to have found the strength in my darkest times to slowly climb out of these physical, mental and emotional struggles to a degree.
I’ve grown to realize what kind of person I want to be and I’m making progress. I’m paying my bills and I’m living a healthy lifestyle.
But here I am at 29 years old, and I’ve never had a girlfriend. To think about the amount of rejection I’ve experienced can be overwhelming. I know a romantic relationship, both in one’s teenage years, and throughout adulthood can be a very fulfilling and beautiful part of life, and I’ve never experienced it.
I don’t have any close friends in LA. The one person I thought was a great friend turned out to be highly manipulative and was just using me for his own benefit, but I was unable to see that at the time.
I’m blessed to have a few close friends from over the years scattered over the country. I have one or two newer friends in LA who could potentially be close friends in the years to come.
It’s been a long and difficult process to learn to detect and navigate many of life’s social situations in my twenties, instead of learning to socialize in my formative childhood years.
I know that I had potential to be doing more important, fulfilling and lucrative things than bartending at 29. I also feel that I could have had far more success in my 7 years pursuing acting were it not for struggling socially and emotionally during that time.

Giving children space to be themselves
Since about 7 years old, I recall many times asking not to go to church. The reasons varied from finding it boring, silly, or simply treasuring free time and wanting to spend the weekend at home. Very often you made us all go, and I was bored, sad, or secretly angry.
Ironically, for quite some time we were also not allowed to go to youth group, I suppose because it was less formal, more social, and out of your control.
For months at a time, especially during the school year, you and mom would wake us up by shouting from the kitchen at 5 or 5:30 in the morning for us to come downstairs to Bible Study. Yes, I made the best of it, participated and even perhaps seemed to enjoy it at times.
But as you may have realized on the phone- obedience or cheerfulness is not necessarily reflective of good parenting or healthy children.
Not to say your parenting reached this extreme, but for example, thousands of people in Nazi concentration camps were obedient, and as cheerfulness was a prized quality to their Nazi captors, the Jews displayed that quality at times for their survival.
Considering the sum of
there was little to no space for me to explore my interests, do the things I wanted, and to be myself.
Take for example the letter I wrote to Great Gramma. It was summer, I wanted to start a band. But I so rarely saw Sam, who was to play guitar, that it was impossible.
Your confinement was so restrictive, even the ‘choice’ I had was an illusion. Yes, I took to music, but largely because that was one of my few opportunities to be creative and it gave me an escape from the stress of angry parents and constant chores. The same is true for painting, or playing in the woods. These things were the few escapes I had, and I took to them because there weren’t many other options.
I essentially grew up in a void. A few examples:
I may have grown up and wanted to be a teacher, but that’s unlikely since I never actually had one, or knew what that would be like.
I may have wanted to be a pro athlete, or a coach, or a phys ed teacher, but I’m not likely to discover that, when the only experience of sports I had was one or two seasons, where I was far behind the kids I was playing with.
I may have had an interest in politics, but I never had the chance to run for class president.
I had an entrepreneurial spirit, but didn’t have much opportunity to explore that confined to home.
Another example illustrating the degree to which I was socially deprived, is that volunteering to clean for and set up the church convention, was essentially the social highlight of my year. Despite arriving at the church around 10AM and cleaning windows, vacuuming the massive hallways, and setting up tables, I looked forward to it because at around 2PM after Ezra L finished his school, he’d join, and we’d get to hang out for a few hours- mostly while working, but sneaking away for a while to play tag or hide-and-go- seek.
An illustration of the limiting environment at home is that volunteering to clean and rearrange the garage, workshop or basement was sometimes the most interesting thing I could think of to do, and I’d sometimes spend hours alone working to occupy my time or seek some positive recognition.

The human desire to be truly seen
I’m not sure what exactly to make of some of the good times. Thinking back sometimes I have doubts and questions.
Take for example reading The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings to us aloud in the evenings. On the one hand, we all seemed to enjoy that, on the other, it was one of the few entertainments we were allowed at the time and maybe that’s why we were all happy to listen.
On one hand, it’s nice to spend time with your kids, on the other, reading aloud is a fairly low effort and impersonal way to do that. You had four kids at the time and perhaps thought it was a good way to hang out with all of us at the same time.
Or taking a family picnic or sledding or camping out at [redacted] State Park with the telescope. Like I said at the beginning of this letter, I don’t know your intentions. I feel that perhaps some of the family activities were done out of a sense of nagging obligation. At [redacted], I felt like you and Mom were on a picnic and I was tagging along. I didn’t feel like you wanted to be sledding or hanging out with me. At [redacted] State Park I felt like it was Jake’s and your telescope and you two were busy finding constellations and I was in the way.
I just didn’t feel seen most of the time.
I think one of the times I felt most loved was when I transformed into [redacted, stuffed animal puppet character], because then I had your focused attention for a few minutes in a positive way.
There were times you made an effort to spend time one on one with me. Taking me out to dinner at Friendly’s restaurant and then to the Ray Boltz concert for instance. One could say it’s the thought that counts, and it was thoughtful- Friendly’s was my favorite restaurant, and I liked music. It’s strange to me though because I know I didn’t care for Ray Boltz’ music from hearing the CDs at home, and I was bored sitting in the concert. So I’m not sure if we were there because you didn’t know what music I liked or if we were there because it was the music you liked.
The most one on one time I got with you was driving to the office to clean, and then to the dump. I’m not faulting you for including me and utilizing that time to hang out. But it felt like your priority was the office and the trash. I understand that you had a living to make, and errands to run.
But I feel that if spending quality time with me had have been a higher priority, non- essential items such as mowing the grass on all 14 acres minus the goat pen, or having goats and sheep, or spending so much time cutting down and burning pine trees, or some of your time at your desk on weekends, could have moved down the list to accommodate that.
I don’t want to unfairly cast a shadow on good times, but looking back, I feel that your selfish decisions dictating excessive work, your stubbornness insisting on heavily restricting my socialization, and your anger and frequent unpleasant moods, did cast a heavy shadow on the majority of my childhood, even on many of the good times.
Rather than feeling loved, accepted and worthy as we were, our worth seemed to be based on the degree of our helpfulness to you.
Our worth seemed to be based on the degree to which we shared your opinions and beliefs.
Our worth seemed to be based on the degree to which we excelled in the areas you deemed valuable.
Our worth seemed to be based on our degree of compliance with your rules and forced labor.

Good parents
It is my view that
Good parents take responsibility for bringing a life into this world. Providing food, shelter, clothing, education, socialization etc, is not an act of nobility, it is an act of responsibility.
Good parents accept their children as they are, show them love, and impart an inner knowing that they are inherently worthy just as they are.
Good parents allow children to be themselves and explore their interests. They support their children in pursuing their interests, finding what they’re good at, and what makes them happy. Often for a parent this might mean forgoing their own desires, and putting those of their children first. Other times it may simply mean lengthening their reins and allowing a child or teen some autonomy.
Good parents lead by example, rather than forcing obedience through anger and physical punishments. When a parent has a relationship with their child based on mutual respect and trust, children are very receptive to learning and cooperating.
For example, as a child, if I got angry and hit one of my siblings, the punishment WAS A SPANKING. Do you not find that contradictory? You are attempting to teach non-violence WITH physical violence.
Would it not have been more effective to sit calmly with me and explain why it’s wrong to hit people? To tell me that anger is a natural human emotion- and it’s okay to feel it, and to show me healthy ways to deal with it.
Acknowledging the good
From working to support myself, I can imagine the stress of supporting 4-5 kids and Mom. While I feel that was your responsibility, I am grateful you did that.
I acknowledge the good times, for example, playing foosball together. You made an effort to find something we all enjoyed, and spent time playing with us.
I also acknowledge the one on one time you did spend with me. The time you ordered parts and built my computer with me stands out, because it felt to me like you were doing that to spend time with me.

Living in the present
To reiterate, my intention with this letter is to answer your request to hear and understand my experience. I have taken great care to be accurate and avoid any exaggerations.
Over the past year I’ve been in therapy working to understand how my childhood effected me, to heal, and from that place create a healthier and happier life.
I’m looking to the past as a learning tool. I’m looking to the past to release emotions and trauma that I have bottled up my entire life. I’m looking to the past to fully forgive myself and others.
submitted by RebelWithoutApplause to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.04.19 12:10 Hotaka_ Need help with my protagonist's personality

Hello.

I need help writing my protagonist for a fantasy anime-style webnovel I'm writing. Genre: psychological, drama, maybe some action. Things he doesn't have yet: personality, a goal.


**Magic System**

In this setting, there are six types of Arcana, or dual–themed elemental magic, available to humans. I say *elemental*, but some non–elemental magic falls into it too, as long as it's thematically related to the element.

These are:

The Wave Arcana (Fire+Water)
The Moon (Light+Darkness)
The Nest (Life+Death)
The Cloud (Air+Gravity)
The Tower (Earth+Aether)
The Great Passage (Time+Entropy)


These 12 elements are taken from the online cardgame, [Elements the Game.](www.elementsthegame.com) Feel free to check it out, we're running low on players :(

Anyway, back to the story. A person is usually born having one of these Arcana; two if talented, and up to three for those really gifted. The number of Arcana is a status symbol in this world. Having multiple Arcana is enough to appoint you president of a country.

But there was one person, Shion, who was born with, not one... not two... but *all six* Arcanas currently in existence. This was unheard of. Never before in history has there been a royal flush of Arcanas, all inside one person. Shion was a one in a million miracle, so, his birth was treated like the coming of Christ.

It wasn't just for show, Shion was the strongest human alive by a wide margin. He could move mountains with just a flick of a finger, he could start thunderstorms with just a mere blow of his breath. Destined for greatness, the people raised him to be the perfect hero, and by the time he's grown, he'd already accomplished countless great feats.

[Shion](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hero-800648919)



**Premise**

Shion was tasked with the role of defeating the *DemonLord*, a powerful entity far within the depths of hell.

Long story short, it did not go well. The DemonLord proved too powerful to banish. In the heat of the moment, Shion resorted to a last–ditch severing spell, a Light element magic that targeted the Darkness–based constitution of the DemonLord. It was a success. The DemonLord was split... That night, 10000 pieces of the DemonLord's magic rained down upon the continents. Even if Shion couldn't kill him, this should be enough to count as a win.

But the use of this spell also left Shion open to a counterattack. As the DemonLord lay dying, he cursed Shion. He cursed the Arcanas of human magic, and promised that never again will Shion have authority over his Arcanas. Blinding flash of light.

Shion wakes up, with no more magic, no idea of who he is, and no memories of his previous life. This... "Amnesia Shion", will be the main character of our story. Standing before him now, are six waifus, all representing the Arcana magic Shion once possessed. The DemonLord had taken his magic, and turned it into sentient beings that can now think for themselves — this is what he meant by Shion *never again having authority*.

So as with the DemonLord being split into 10,000 pieces, Shion the Legendary Hero was also split into 7 people: 6 magical beings (representing his powers), and the leftover physical body.


**Aftermath**

The Arcana waifus, like their magic, have vastly differing personalities. They can get along to some extent, but most of the time they can't settle their differences. They all have their own opinions, their own outlook on life, and they all think they're superior over the others. They want to prove their own magic is the best one; working together is the last thing they want to do.

Each waifu is magically as strong as the original Shion — just one of them has enough power to destroy an entire country. Early in the story, they part ways and go on separate journeys across the continent, with each Arcana trying to accomplish their own thing. They try to steer clear of each other's business, but as it stands, the world is a small place... It's not uncommon for the Arcana waifus to bump into each other, and it's definitely not uncommon that one Arcana interferes with another's plans. If two of them clash, the resulting damage would be unimaginable.



**The Arcanas**



Let's have a quick rundown of the waifus. First off, the *Wave* Arcana.


Master of Fire. Master of Water. Main girl.


Let's call her Raine.


[Uncolored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/20191027-210437-N-821514897)

[Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/The-Wave-822171183)


Raine wants to hunt down the 10,000 DemonLord pieces scattered about. It's "what the original Shion would've wanted", so it's only fair they respect his wishes. The other sisters don't care about any of that though, and deep down, Raine too doesn't want to hunt demons out of her own accord. She only does so because it's the one thing she understands about the original Shion.

She believes they (the Arcanas) are existences who should not have been born. If Shion had just been careful, he'd still be alive and intact right now. It's only by a fluke that they're alive. Them being there only adds insult to the fact that the original Shion is gone, so she feels the only way to get validation for their existence is to finish everything Shion started: clean up the remaining 10,000 demons.

She tries talking this through with her sisters, but when none of them listen to her, like Fire, she can be volatile. At one story arc, she hatches a plan to magically explode the sun. Sure, it would kill all the demons in one go, but would also kill everyone else, completely missing the point. That's her flaw — she wants to follow the *killing demons* part to the letter. She's willing to destroy the world just to end the 10000 demons, which, just going out on a limb, is *not what the original Shion would've wanted*.


*The Moon*

[Darkstar](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Ijime-800647535)

[Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/The-Moon-Arcana-810226656)

Darkstar is Darkness-dominant. She hates the Light element within her, she never uses it, and will stop at nothing to get rid of it. It's probably easiest to visualize her as the "goth girlfriend". After leaving the others, she sets out on a journey to research samples of the DemonLord's magic. She is very interested in them, especially on how the DemonLord was able to severe the Arcanas from Shion. It seems demon magic can do things human magic cannot.

She wonders if demon magic could also alter the pre-existing Arcana pairs. She wants to cast a worldwide reality warp that will scramble up the Arcanas, in hopes that her Light magic will finally leave her Darkness side.



*The Nest*


She has two forms. At night she's *Memento.*

[Death](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Death-800647137)


During the day she's *Mori.*

[Life](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Life-800635987)

[Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Mori-832018199)



Nest Arcana is not a very combat–suited magic. It's main use is agriculture, healing, and communicating with souls of the dead. Life magic is the least dangerous of all, making Mori the safest waifu around.

That said, Memento's Death magic is dialed up to eleven; she unconsciously saps the life force out of everyone around, making her a walking bio–weapon.

Mori is very shy. She prefers talking to plants and animals rather than people. She's also a bit animalistic, eating meat raw and with her hands. This makes her all the more self–conscious of herself in front of people. Memento is very non–caring, and talks to inanimate objects instead. She does want company to some extent, but accepts that her power is a curse preventing that. The two personalities are perfectly content staying away from human contact.


*The Great Passage*


[June](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Cheerleader-825435543)

A cheerful, lively girl. There are other split personalities she can tap into (because entropy means randomness). She's usually happy-go-lucky — because she already saw the future and knows how things turn out. However, there's one blockage in the future that she can't seem to see past through. At some point in the future, Darkstar will succeed with her grand, paradigm–shifting plans. The universe will disappear, to be replaced by a parallel, alternate reality. She can't see the future past this point. She doesn't know what will happen, but whatever it is, it can't be good.

More than anything though, she takes it a personal insult that someone is locking down her prophecy powers. Her main goal is to prevent Darkstar's plans and alter the future.

She's mostly offscreen, only occasionally appearing to warn Ashi about the future.


*The Cloud*

[Agyros 1](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyros-800634867)

[Fish Orbs](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Fish-Orb-810227519)

[Fish Orbs Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyra-828370569)

[Agyros 3](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyros-uncolored-824748076)

Agyros. She's hot–blooded and aggressive, with even Darkstar going so far as to call her "unhinged". She wants to fight a strong opponent. She has no qualms killing people, she just wants to fight. One as challenging as possible. Her journey is one of finding the strongest people on earth and defeating them, and when it's clear no ordinary human in the world can match her, she turns to lopping off her Arcana sisters one by one.


*The Tower*

[Hera](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hera-2-831818318)

[Hera 2](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hera-1-831818128)

Last but not least, Hera is obsessed with power. She wants to be worshipped, by as many as possible. She wants people serving her, because "servants" equal *power*. She believes true power is having the allegiance of others, either by choice or by force, and since she inherited Shion's inhuman power levels, the whole world is now hers for the taking.

Aether covers mental (non–physical) magic, spatial magic and parallel dimensions. Earth magic includes rocks, metals and precious minerals (diamonds, rubies, etc.), so every shiny jewelry there is, Hera wants for herself. She uses these riches to buy people's servitude, and for those she can't bribe, she'll use mind control magic to force them.


**The Protagonist**


The body.

The part of Shion left when his powers were removed. He's lost all memories, he's lost all magic, and he's lost all things that made him the great hero he once was. Let's call him *Amnesia Shion,* or 'Ashi' for short. He is a *Vacuum* — that is, people born with zero Arcana. They can't use magic, they're very weak. They *can* infuse magic into their body, though it's not as glamorous as it sounds.

For the Vacuums, magic is like an unlearned skill (e.g. playing the piano/doing a sommersault). To learn it, you practice over and over 'til you get it right. Each Arcana has a way to 'train' a Vacuum into using magic, and once you've gone through them, a Vacuum will learn to use Arcana the same as a natural born mage.

Here's the catch though: Vacuums are not designed to learn that skill. Their body hates it, so a Vacuum is always in a constant trajectory of "unlearning" all the magic experience they get. It's like studying for a pop quiz of your most hated subject. You absorb the knowledge just long enough for the exam, then once it's over, your brain can't wait to forget every useless thing it tried to cram.

Vacuums have no workaround for this, they just have to face losing every magic skill they learn. Not training for a day is like not playing the piano for a week, you get rusty insanely fast.

If there's one thing they have going for them, it's flexibility. Normal people can't change their magic type, they're stuck with whatever Arcana they've got. But for the Vacuum, they're free to train any and every Arcana they want. Ashi could have Nest Arcana now, and then Cloud next week, and then Tower; it's very versatile...


**The Philosophical Battle**

As I said, at the start of the story the Arcana waifus can't settle their differences. They find it way too easy to argue because of their differing personalities, but the real nail in the coffin is how each interpret differently Shion's life.

Raine argues that he's a hero. Of course, he saved the world countless times, and he always does the right thing. He's what everyone in the world should strive to become. Darkstar says this is bullshit, and that all Shion was was a puppet — an overrated military weapon that did whatever he was told.

Agyros also argues against this hero interpretation, but posits that Shion was "an existence beyond human strength". He did not obey anyone. He reached the peak limit of human magic, and was simply bored that everyone else on the planet was so weak. That's why he challenged the DemonLord, when he was sitting oh so quietly in hell. Shion didn't want to save the world or fluff like that, he just wanted a worthwhile fight. He wanted to know if he could beat God.

June supports this, citing how Shion was unable to forecast how the fight will turn out. When Time magic fails to show you even *one* future outcome, you know that's a sign something bad will happen. If he knew what's good for him, he would've stayed away from the DemonLord at all costs.

When asked how Memento considers Shion, she simply replies as "dead". Mori, however, thanks Shion as you would food before eating. She views Shion as a necessary sacrifice so that all of them can exist. Finally, Hera agrees with Raine on the point that Shion is a hero, but adds that he wasted his life doing all those useless things, when he could've been so much more productive.

This sets the waifus against each other, and makes Ashi question how he should view this so–called *Shion.*


**Ashi's Magic**

The protagonist here faces severe magic shortage, so to combat this, I've decided to train him mostly in the Great Passage Arcana. I've thought about this, and *Time plus Entropy* seems to be the most fitting element for a protagonist. It's an intercepting magic that works with minimal violence.

Entropy is described as the thing that makes a bent nail or a crumpled paper hard to straighten again — it is the chaos and randomness in the universe. Entropy magic then specializes in churning out buffs and nerfs with no pattern, as if one were a walking casino slot machine. It's chaotic, it's unpredictable, and it's the last thing you want to see when you have grand evil plans rolling out tommorow.

Time magic is the opposite. It's peaceful, it's orderly, it's magic that seeks to reduce the entropy of the universe. Combining the neutralizing power of Entropy and the rewinding/repairing magic of Time, the Great Passage Arcana has theoretically the best defense out of all six types.

First off... Ashi can't have magic for long periods of time. He won't have it 24/7, so to not be caught empty–handed right when he needs it, he takes a leaf out of June's book trying to forecast the future. This way, he has an early warning which emergency situations will need magic. He won't predict all of it, but he'll be prepared for a good story arc or two. It's better than going in blind. Next, he'll excel in a close–quarters disarming spell. It's a simple fusion of speed magic plus predicting, very effective in stopping an assailant.

And for his bread and butter, the whole Entropy package. Entropy has a lot of utilities. You want to destroy an evil deathray machine? *Entropy is your friend.* You have to break into the enemy's lair? *Entropy is your friend.* And most important of all, you want defeat someone a hundred times stronger than you (the Arcana waifus)? Entropy is your only shot.

When it comes to other Arcanas, victory always goes to the stronger, smarter, and more experienced fighter. But against Entropy magic, that advantage is meaningless. Entropy closes the gap between the stronger and the weaker fighter, such that any predefined strength difference is rendered unuseable. Entropy's theme is that no matter how strong the enemy is, there's always a chance to turn the tables around; the strongest magics always fall against the simplest ones (sneeze spell, tickle spell, etc).


**Antagonists**

There are two types of antagonists in this story: the 10,000 demon pieces, and the Arcana waifus.

The demons take up bulk of the story. Demons find people with powerful emotions such as jealousy and anger, and give them demon powers of their own. They act as the bridge for ordinary people to do evil things. Maybe someone wants revenge, maybe someone wants to take down the government... these are things the demon pieces easily latch onto. Anyone who is a host for demons receives powers beyond human limits, and will start a chain events which the main characters get caught up into. So in this scenario, the antagonists will be other fellow humans.

The second antagonists are the Arcana waifus. They're not "evil" per se, but they're morally misguided. The story progression ultimately heads towards one of these Arcanas attempting to do some "world destroying". Raine does it. Darkstar does it. Pretty much everyone does it at some point. They are the overarching antagonists that everything is progressing towards.

Now, I say they are *antagonists,* but they also take turns being the heroes. They have a weird dynamic where they're all so powerful they could destroy the world, but they're simultaneously the "safety switches" that can stop each other. When facing an Arcana waifu attempting to destroy the world, the protagonist or the military are enough. It takes an Arcana waifu to beat another Arcana waifu.


**The Story**


*Part 1, Raine's Arc*

To paint a picture of what Ashi will face, I'll go into a very quick rundown of the main key events.

At the start, Ashi travels with Raine, (more like she forced him to), aiming to hunt DemonLord pieces. He goes along with her because, well... he'll starve to death if he doesn't do anything, and she seems like she already knows the society of this world. He's strung along to hunt demons without being proactive himself, which is generally bad for a protagonist, but since defeating demons is not the story goal, he maybe gets a pass.

The first arc covers Ashi and Raine chasing after a demon into a village populated by Vacuums. Since they're vulnerable, they are all protected by the *Nine Circles of Hell*, nine Fire specialists who had the most massive kill counts in the previous world war. From a skateboarding maid to a loli who uses pencils to attack, they are held as one of the strongest military forces to date.

Ashi gets his first experience training magic here. Meanwhile, he notices something weird. Despite being called The *Nine* Circles of Hell, there's only eight of them. Ashi and Raine find out the story of how they had to kill one of their members after catching them in the act of doing a crime.

She was a Moon–user. Despite not being a Wave, they recruited her because of Light's very useful, Lie Detection spell. She made information gathering easy, which gave them huge leverage during the war. However, a few years later, she was caught doing (insert crime here). She defends herself, saying someone she knows is being held hostage and she's being forced to do it — something along those lines... But since all the others are Wave users, not Moon, they don't have their own way to determine if she's lying or not. Ironically, it's their own *lie–detector* they can't lie–detect.

They ask, "Why didn't you just tell us before? We're the best military troop around, we could have rescued that hostage." Now, I'm a sucker for internal conflict, and I would love nothing more than to put here that line in Page 18 of Kaguya–sama wa Kokurasetai, Chapter 182:

[Kaguya 182](https://mangapark.net/manga/kaguya-sama-wa-kokurasetai-tensai-tachi-no-renai-zunousen-akasaka-aka/i2425080/c182)

I absolutely get off on this shiz. Things like insecurity, things like self–blame... when the reason for the story's conflict is based around something psychological rather than physical, it just hits on a whole new level.

Considered a traitor, she was burned alive and buried in the center of town. The Demon smells this injustice — even if she's long dead, her anger for the Nine Circles lingers forth.

The Demon takes over her anger and turns into a towering monster. Civilians are evacuated as destruction rains everywhere. Knowing the full story, what do Raine and Ashi plan to do? Insert character development here.


The next arc covers Raine and Ashi out at sea meeting Hera, who's already teamed up with a bunch of pirates and is trying to dig up a shipwreck supposedly carrying "tons of gold". Hera asks Raine to help her out (since sea counts under the jurisdiction of Water magic).

Raine agrees, on the condition that Hera later goes to help her demonhunt. Raine and Hera work together to split the ocean and unearth a shipwreck from within its depths. However, as soon as Hera transfers the gold into a pocket dimension, she destroys her crewmates' ship, not intending to share the loot. Raine saves them, angry that Hera would stoop so low. Hera says she's still up for demonhunting if Raine wants, but Raine takes it back, realizing the dangers of having Hera as company. Hera teleports away.

Over the next few weeks, Raine tries to catch word of her sisters. Darkstar and Memento Mori have been completely under the radar so far. Raine stumbles across Agyros, who true to her character, has gone and challenged every professional fighter she could find. Raine asks her to join demonhunting, to which Agyros says she'll do it if Raine beats her in a fight.

Raine refuses, saying she's not going to hurt her sisters. Agyros says that's her weakness. If you want anything in this world, you should be prepared to take it by force. Agyros leaves.

The last person to meet is June. When Raine meets June, although she doesn't want to do it, she takes Agyros' advice and challenges June to a fight. June agrees, and absolutely scrapes all her attacks. Raine failed to land a single strike. Frustration builds up. June says that contrary to what Agyros said, Raine's true weakness is that she doesn't *mean* what she does. There's a world of difference between simply trying to do something, and using everything in reach to achieve that goal. June leaves.

This is when Raine gets fed up with everything. It's pointless to rally the Arcanas together, she should've just done everything from the start. She disbands the team with Ashi, and goes off on her own.

Ashi hears of the news that the sun is acting weird. June tells him that Raine is trying to blow up the sun and kill everyone. That's insane, he says. Ashi tells June to stop her, but she just leaves. Ashi chases after her, he tries to find Raine, but no matter what he does, with no magic he can't do anything. He is useless by himself... He trips. All hope lost...

That's when Darkstar appears, revealing that she had been following Ashi all along. She doesn't have the same goal as Raine, but she is similarly interested in the demons. So, she secretly followed the two while concealing herself with invisibility magic.

Ashi pleads Darkstar to stop Raine. Darkstar doesn't really care if the sun blows up or not, but the idea of teaching "miss goody two shoes" a lesson *does* enthrall her. An unlikely duo, Ashi and Darkstar team up to stop Raine. Light should protect against non–physical attacks like Fire, but Darkstar is stubborn. She won't use it. Only when she's on the verge of defeat does she use Light's heals.

Raine almost succeeds with her plan, but Darkstar also unleashes what she's been working on. A huge, snake/dragon–like smoke figure appears, black as the night. It catapults into the sky and swallows the sun. I reference this to the quest *Eclipse* in Dragonfable. (very amazing game if you want to check it out)

Ashi (Entropy) fights Raine who has little mana left. Just in the nick of time, Ashi pulls out a lucky *body–swap* magic. With Ashi in Raine's body and Raine in Ashi, the disaster has been successfully neutralized. Raine reflects on the error of her actions. Hotsprings filler episode where the body swap effect suspiciously won't revert.


*Part 2, Memento Mori*

Darkstar and Ashi truly part ways this time. Ashi and Raine are about to return to demonhunting when they notice that for some reason, the demons have become more powerful. This was Darkstar's doing. Though the world has Darkstar to thank for stopping a solar burst, this was her true motive all along. That Eclipse spell was an experiment to see how demons in the vicinity will react to Darkness magic — stopping Raine was just a side errand. All over the news, demons start cropping up, swarming the major cities. Raine makes a mental note to discuss this the next time she sees Darkstar, but in any case, there's too many demons for one person to handle alone.

June quickly tells them where to find Memento, before disappearing again. With no better option, Ashi and Raine go to Memento for help. They manage to convince her after a long talk, and as the idol of Death, she mass wipes most of the demons in one go. They enlist her to the party.

From here, Raine, Memento Mori and Ashi go on one or two mini–adventures together. I'm thinking of, instead of the usual demonhunting formula, they get involved in a murder mystery... to make it thematic to the Death element. Anyway, there's a lot of opportunity to insert adventures here. *A lot.* So probably a series of self–contained arcs takes place, exploring the world and introducing many interesting characters.

But as said, Memento passively lifesteals everyone around her. As time goes on, it becomes increasingly obvious she shouldn't have joined her party. Just as they were starting to develop a bond, Memento tethers around whether it's best for her to just leave. I do love my internal conflicts, so Memento's character arc is going to be about her wondering if it's better for everyone she go back to isolation.

The nail in coffin is (details not worked out yet) when she uses a Resurrection spell to revive someone from the dead, completely shocking everyone around. Even Raine didn't know that was possible. The best Death magic could do so far was either necromancy (corpse reanimation), or simulating a hologram of the dead that talks and acts like the original. A *true* Resurrection spell was not something that's ever been done before.

Memento confirms that the original Shion could do it. However, he kept it a secret from everyone somehow. News of this got out quickly — that someone brought back the dead, good as new as if they never died.

Everyone suddenly wanted a piece of this. Everyone wanted Memento to revive their loved ones. People were rioting, fighting, to get to Memento first. This must be what Shion feared. He must've (with Time magic) predicted this insanity.

Memento cuts off ties and goes into hiding. Raine and Ashi go in search of her, as well as thousands of people who want that Resurrection magic. Now begins a worldwide race to find Memento. Meanwhile, Agyros has already beaten all the strongest fighters in the world; she's running out of challengers. She comes to June for advice. "A person worth fighting, where can I find one?"

June tells her that there is one such person — a person much, much stronger than Agyros. If she wants to find out the details, she needs to be at this [exact place and time], right where the climax of Memento's story arc takes place. Agyros asks if June thinks Memento can beat her, but June clarifies that it's *not* Memento. It's someone the six Arcanas haven't seen before, and June further teases that it's someone they couldn't even *imagine* existing.

If it's not Memento, that means it's one of the people looking for her... — this is how Agyros interprets it. June alludes that Agyros should kill everyone approaching Memento. Protect Memento from all the ones after her. Just keep doing that, and someone *amazing* will appear before her eyes soon enough...

Agyros takes this advice and leaves for Memento, warning June that she better not be lying, or else. Agyros finds Mori, they travel together. Mori doesn't want to kill people, but there's too many people after her. Agyros happily does all the killing. This goes on for a while...

As things heat up, a huge, cult–like organization starts putting others in danger as well. They kidnap Ashi, thinking he knows where Memento is. June informs the others of what happened. Raine, Mori and Agyros all break into the secret hideout to bail Ashi out. Huge and long complications ensue, lasting several chapters, and involving many innocent civilians. Raine is trying to break Ashi out of the organization's grasp, while Agyros is killing everyone she could find. The designated meeting time should be right around now; he should be coming soon — that supposed "strongest person". In the height of the climax, Ashi is held at gunpoint. He is about to get killed.

Memento was fine if they'd just gone after her and not involved anyone, but going after Ashi too is unforgiveable. She's had it, this is the last straw. Out of nowhere, Memento takes over Agyros and the two combine to form a new, different waifu. Memento and Agyros are gone now — in their place, a unique, *never before seen* Death+Air waifu. Her magic is not something resembling any known Arcana. She combines Air's long–range slicing magic and Death's ability to kill. No one is spared, everyone is instantly diced.

Memento and Agyros return to their original forms. Agyros is shocked by what transpired. Memento reanimates the corpses of the dead to follow her, and comes to the conclusion that she should've just stayed alone from the start. Memento ends the conflict by saying that next time anyone comes near her, she's surely killing them, before leaving into the distance.


*Part 3, Agyros*

Agyros confronts June about what happened. June explains that what that was was a "Fusion", a phenomenon that happens when two of the Arcana waifus, in the heat of the moment, share a *common goal.* The Arcanas, by default, are too different to get along together. In times that they do see eye to eye however, that one moment where they understand each other and share the faintest semblance of an emphatic bond, when *that* happens, they unlock a hidden power to merge into one unified being.

Back then, when Ashi was in danger, both Agyros and Memento aimed to kill the enemy. This mutual understanding is what allowed them to combine the best of both their Arcanas: Death's killing power, and Air's long reach. A Fusion has the fighting strength of two Arcana waifus combined into one.

Agyros is not satisfied with this... She wanted to *fight* a strong opponent, not be merged into one... She orders June to fuse with another Arcana right now — June says it's not that simple, but that there *will* be more Fusions to come in the future. With Agyros' anger reaching its peak, the two fight. June uses speed magic, but Cloud Arcana is unfortunately the hard counter for it. Gravity sucks things in a magnetic "field". It's an area coverage, it's not something you can dodge or run from. June is defeated, and now, Agyros decides the "strongest people" she's looking for are her sisters.

I'm fuzzy on the chronology after this. Maybe more filler arcs here and there. Agyros goes after Darkstar, who only narrowly escapes, and then Mori next. Probably for emotional effect, Raine finds Mori on the verge of death. Raine tells Mori to fuse with her so they can defeat Agyros, but the Fusion fails. Mori doesn't want to fight her sisters, so she passively accepts her fate.

Raine freezes Mori to preserve her life, and takes it upon herself to stop Agyros. The matchup is now Raine (and Ashi) vs Agyros. Agyros tries to suffocate Raine with Oxygen Depletion magic, but Raine hard–counters this by taking the battle underwater. Raine and Ashi narrowly take the win.

From here there's two Arcana left: Hera and Darkstar. I haven't worked out the details, but Hera eventually goes for a worldwide mind control, and Darkstar for a reality warp.


**Themes**

The easy way to write this is probably that Ashi wants to save the world, just like the original Shion did.

"Even though he's weaker than the average person, heroism and righteous deeds are not something you forget. They're inside you." So Ashi, despite not remembering anything about anything, is still the same person through and through: *a hero.* You can build up to an emotional climax with this theme; it's simple, it's reliable, and no need to write the story super complicated.

But I don't want this. This is a direction I'd prefer to avoid at all costs. In fact, I want to show the complete opposite theme: *Shion is gone.* Whether you like it or not, a person that has amnesia is no longer the same person you know. A person is defined by his memories and personality. Change that, and you've basically killed that person.

So we get Ashi, who is in stark contrast to Shion. He has no traits of being a hero in him. It would even be better if he's an asshole, or *rude* — something to that effect. He should have beliefs (not finalized yet) that are unsavory to listen to... things like you should not give to the poor, or that slavery is a natural product of human nature. He doesn't sugarcoat things, and says them in an almost cynical way.

Right now, I'm envisioning Ashi as someone who's "a hero for the wrong reasons". For example, let's say Ashi at a birthday party. Suddenly, bad guys break in and kidnap the birthday girl. A fight ensues, where Ashi and main characters are defeated because they weren't ready. Target is taken to a secret hideout, because *insert plot element here.*

Ashi and the cast break into secret hideout, retrieving the hostage and taking her as far away as possible. As bad guys chase after our characters, Ashi stays behind to delay one of the henchmen. In your usual action story, Ashi would be doing this for the team. He's giving the others *valuable time* to escape, he's doing it for birthday girl.

But Ashi here cares about none of that. He just has a bone to pick with the guy who beat him. He takes it as a personal insult that he was defeated because he was caught offguard, so now it's a fight with no surprises...

This is the kind of development I'm leaning towards. He's clearly fulfilling a heroic act here, but there's something that makes it unheroic all the same. This happens every single time. Ashi doesn't reach that state of being *100%* truly heroic. There's always something off about it, whether it's the motive, the method, his decision–making, etc...

Add to that that Entropy magic can backfire (help the enemy instead), and there's the perfect case of a non–hero. Once the bad luck starts rolling in, Ashi will turn the smallest problems into a world–level threat. There'll be conflicts that are entirely his fault, throwing him for a loop, and it would now be up to Raine or another Arcana to clean up his mess, not that they hate doing that.

This is what I want Ashi's character to be about: *a celebration of flaws.* He accepts that trying to be a 100% righteous hero is unrealistic, because no one is born a saint. So he does things the way he wants to, for better and for worse. To the question of who he thinks Shion is, his answer will be "not me".


**What personality fits Ashi?**

I can't come up with a personality that complements all his unique points. He's very... contradictory. He can be pessimistic at times... selfish, petty, and even reckless. Yet, he *still* has enough resolve to save the world when someone like Raine is threatening to destroy it. Next to the Arcanas and their senseless violence, he is the voice of reason. But next to the average person, he's someone who lacks basic decency. I can't imagine him having a normal interaction with the other characters and it not turn super awkward super fast.

Right now he's not really a character yet, moreso a plot device to save the world/make things worse when needed.


**Goal?**

There may also be the problem of him not having a long–term goal to work towards. It's okay if he doesn't want to hunt demons (Raine has that covered), but he should have something he wants to achieve concerning the Arcana waifus. Preferably Hera, since she gives the most "Final Boss" vibes.

One thing I'm considering is making Ashi our world's *parallel universe* counterpart of Shion. A normal highschool student. He committed suicide, was fished out from the void by Hera (Aether magic includes parallel dimensions), and correspondingly transferred into Shion's leftover body. Ashi regains memories of his life (our world) one by one, and makes it his personal goal to confront Hera why she resurrected him at all? What is the purpose of him living in this new world?

I think this adds a unique touch to his character. He doesn't care about innocent people or justice at all. The reason he saves the world from destruction is that he can't fish out the truth from Hera anymore if the world ends, he's just too fixated on that goal...
submitted by Hotaka_ to CharacterDevelopment [link] [comments]


2020.04.19 10:57 Hotaka_ Need help with my protagonist's personality

Hello. I need help writing my protagonist for a fantasy anime-style webnovel I'm writing. Genre: psychological, drama, maybe some action. Things he doesn't have yet: personality, a goal. **Magic System** In this setting, there are six types of Arcana, or dual–themed elemental magic, available to humans. I say *elemental*, but some non–elemental magic falls into it too, as long as it's thematically related to the element. These are: The Wave Arcana (Fire+Water) The Moon (Light+Darkness) The Nest (Life+Death) The Cloud (Air+Gravity) The Tower (Earth+Aether) The Great Passage (Time+Entropy) These 12 elements are taken from the online cardgame, [Elements the Game.](www.elementsthegame.com) Feel free to check it out, we're running low on players :( Anyway, back to the story. A person is usually born having one of these Arcana; two if talented, and up to three for those really gifted. The number of Arcana is a status symbol in this world. Having multiple Arcana is enough to appoint you president of a country. But there was one person, Shion, who was born with, not one... not two... but *all six* Arcanas currently in existence. This was unheard of. Never before in history has there been a royal flush of Arcanas, all inside one person. Shion was a one in a million miracle, so, his birth was treated like the coming of Christ. It wasn't just for show, Shion was the strongest human alive by a wide margin. He could move mountains with just a flick of a finger, he could start thunderstorms with just a mere blow of his breath. Destined for greatness, the people raised him to be the perfect hero, and by the time he's grown, he'd already accomplished countless great feats. [Shion](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hero-800648919) **Premise** Shion was tasked with the role of defeating the *DemonLord*, a powerful entity far within the depths of hell. Long story short, it did not go well. The DemonLord proved too powerful to banish. In the heat of the moment, Shion resorted to a last–ditch severing spell, a Light element magic that targeted the Darkness–based constitution of the DemonLord. It was a success. The DemonLord was split... That night, 10000 pieces of the DemonLord's magic rained down upon the continents. Even if Shion couldn't kill him, this should be enough to count as a win. But the use of this spell also left Shion open to a counterattack. As the DemonLord lay dying, he cursed Shion. He cursed the Arcanas of human magic, and promised that never again will Shion have authority over his Arcanas. Blinding flash of light. Shion wakes up, with no more magic, no idea of who he is, and no memories of his previous life. This... "Amnesia Shion", will be the main character of our story. Standing before him now, are six waifus, all representing the Arcana magic Shion once possessed. The DemonLord had taken his magic, and turned it into sentient beings that can now think for themselves — this is what he meant by Shion *never again having authority*. So as with the DemonLord being split into 10,000 pieces, Shion the Legendary Hero was also split into 7 people: 6 magical beings (representing his powers), and the leftover physical body. **Aftermath** The Arcana waifus, like their magic, have vastly differing personalities. They can get along to some extent, but most of the time they can't settle their differences. They all have their own opinions, their own outlook on life, and they all think they're superior over the others. They want to prove their own magic is the best one; working together is the last thing they want to do. Each waifu is magically as strong as the original Shion — just one of them has enough power to destroy an entire country. Early in the story, they part ways and go on separate journeys across the continent, with each Arcana trying to accomplish their own thing. They try to steer clear of each other's business, but as it stands, the world is a small place... It's not uncommon for the Arcana waifus to bump into each other, and it's definitely not uncommon that one Arcana interferes with another's plans. If two of them clash, the resulting damage would be unimaginable. **The Arcanas** Let's have a quick rundown of the waifus. First off, the *Wave* Arcana. Master of Fire. Master of Water. Main girl. Let's call her Raine. [Uncolored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/20191027-210437-N-821514897) [Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/The-Wave-822171183) Raine wants to hunt down the 10,000 DemonLord pieces scattered about. It's "what the original Shion would've wanted", so it's only fair they respect his wishes. The other sisters don't care about any of that though, and deep down, Raine too doesn't want to hunt demons out of her own accord. She only does so because it's the one thing she understands about the original Shion. She believes they (the Arcanas) are existences who should not have been born. If Shion had just been careful, he'd still be alive and intact right now. It's only by a fluke that they're alive. Them being there only adds insult to the fact that the original Shion is gone, so she feels the only way to get validation for their existence is to finish everything Shion started: clean up the remaining 10,000 demons. She tries talking this through with her sisters, but when none of them listen to her, like Fire, she can be volatile. At one story arc, she hatches a plan to magically explode the sun. Sure, it would kill all the demons in one go, but would also kill everyone else, completely missing the point. That's her flaw — she wants to follow the *killing demons* part to the letter. She's willing to destroy the world just to end the 10000 demons, which, just going out on a limb, is *not what the original Shion would've wanted*. *The Moon* [Darkstar](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Ijime-800647535) [Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/The-Moon-Arcana-810226656) Darkstar is Darkness-dominant. She hates the Light element within her, she never uses it, and will stop at nothing to get rid of it. It's probably easiest to visualize her as the "goth girlfriend". After leaving the others, she sets out on a journey to research samples of the DemonLord's magic. She is very interested in them, especially on how the DemonLord was able to severe the Arcanas from Shion. It seems demon magic can do things human magic cannot. She wonders if demon magic could also alter the pre-existing Arcana pairs. She wants to cast a worldwide reality warp that will scramble up the Arcanas, in hopes that her Light magic will finally leave her Darkness side. *The Nest* She has two forms. At night she's *Memento.* [Death](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Death-800647137) During the day she's *Mori.* [Life](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Life-800635987) [Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Mori-832018199) Nest Arcana is not a very combat–suited magic. It's main use is agriculture, healing, and communicating with souls of the dead. Life magic is the least dangerous of all, making Mori the safest waifu around. That said, Memento's Death magic is dialed up to eleven; she unconsciously saps the life force out of everyone around, making her a walking bio–weapon. Mori is very shy. She prefers talking to plants and animals rather than people. She's also a bit animalistic, eating meat raw and with her hands. This makes her all the more self–conscious of herself in front of people. Memento is very non–caring, and talks to inanimate objects instead. She does want company to some extent, but accepts that her power is a curse preventing that. The two personalities are perfectly content staying away from human contact. *The Great Passage* [June](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Cheerleader-825435543) A cheerful, lively girl. There are other split personalities she can tap into (because entropy means randomness). She's usually happy-go-lucky — because she already saw the future and knows how things turn out. However, there's one blockage in the future that she can't seem to see past through. At some point in the future, Darkstar will succeed with her grand, paradigm–shifting plans. The universe will disappear, to be replaced by a parallel, alternate reality. She can't see the future past this point. She doesn't know what will happen, but whatever it is, it can't be good. More than anything though, she takes it a personal insult that someone is locking down her prophecy powers. Her main goal is to prevent Darkstar's plans and alter the future. She's mostly offscreen, only occasionally appearing to warn Ashi about the future. *The Cloud* [Agyros 1](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyros-800634867) [Fish Orbs](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Fish-Orb-810227519) [Fish Orbs Colored](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyra-828370569) [Agyros 3](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Agyros-uncolored-824748076) Agyros. She's hot–blooded and aggressive, with even Darkstar going so far as to call her "unhinged". She wants to fight a strong opponent. She has no qualms killing people, she just wants to fight. One as challenging as possible. Her journey is one of finding the strongest people on earth and defeating them, and when it's clear no ordinary human in the world can match her, she turns to lopping off her Arcana sisters one by one. *The Tower* [Hera](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hera-2-831818318) [Hera 2](https://www.deviantart.com/verticalskyline/art/Hera-1-831818128) Last but not least, Hera is obsessed with power. She wants to be worshipped, by as many as possible. She wants people serving her, because "servants" equal *power*. She believes true power is having the allegiance of others, either by choice or by force, and since she inherited Shion's inhuman power levels, the whole world is now hers for the taking. Aether covers mental (non–physical) magic, spatial magic and parallel dimensions. Earth magic includes rocks, metals and precious minerals (diamonds, rubies, etc.), so every shiny jewelry there is, Hera wants for herself. She uses these riches to buy people's servitude, and for those she can't bribe, she'll use mind control magic to force them. **The Protagonist** The body. The part of Shion left when his powers were removed. He's lost all memories, he's lost all magic, and he's lost all things that made him the great hero he once was. Let's call him *Amnesia Shion,* or 'Ashi' for short. He is a *Vacuum* — that is, people born with zero Arcana. They can't use magic, they're very weak. They *can* infuse magic into their body, though it's not as glamorous as it sounds. For the Vacuums, magic is like an unlearned skill (e.g. playing the piano/doing a sommersault). To learn it, you practice over and over 'til you get it right. Each Arcana has a way to 'train' a Vacuum into using magic, and once you've gone through them, a Vacuum will learn to use Arcana the same as a natural born mage. Here's the catch though: Vacuums are not designed to learn that skill. Their body hates it, so a Vacuum is always in a constant trajectory of "unlearning" all the magic experience they get. It's like studying for a pop quiz of your most hated subject. You absorb the knowledge just long enough for the exam, then once it's over, your brain can't wait to forget every useless thing it tried to cram. Vacuums have no workaround for this, they just have to face losing every magic skill they learn. Not training for a day is like not playing the piano for a week, you get rusty insanely fast. If there's one thing they have going for them, it's flexibility. Normal people can't change their magic type, they're stuck with whatever Arcana they've got. But for the Vacuum, they're free to train any and every Arcana they want. Ashi could have Nest Arcana now, and then Cloud next week, and then Tower; it's very versatile... **The Philosophical Battle** As I said, at the start of the story the Arcana waifus can't settle their differences. They find it way too easy to argue because of their differing personalities, but the real nail in the coffin is how each interpret differently Shion's life. Raine argues that he's a hero. Of course, he saved the world countless times, and he always does the right thing. He's what everyone in the world should strive to become. Darkstar says this is bullshit, and that all Shion was was a puppet — an overrated military weapon that did whatever he was told. Agyros also argues against this hero interpretation, but posits that Shion was "an existence beyond human strength". He did not obey anyone. He reached the peak limit of human magic, and was simply bored that everyone else on the planet was so weak. That's why he challenged the DemonLord, when he was sitting oh so quietly in hell. Shion didn't want to save the world or fluff like that, he just wanted a worthwhile fight. He wanted to know if he could beat God. June supports this, citing how Shion was unable to forecast how the fight will turn out. When Time magic fails to show you even *one* future outcome, you know that's a sign something bad will happen. If he knew what's good for him, he would've stayed away from the DemonLord at all costs. When asked how Memento considers Shion, she simply replieas as "dead". Mori, however, thanks Shion as you would food before eating. She views Shion as a necessary sacrifice so that all of them can exist. Finally, Hera agrees with Raine on the point that Shion is a hero, but adds that he wasted his life doing all those useless things, when he could've been so much more productive. This sets the waifus against each other, and makes Ashi question how he should view this so–called *Shion*. **Ashi's Magic** The protagonist here faces severe magic shortage, so to combat this, I've decided to train him mostly in the Great Passage Arcana. I've thought about this, and *Time plus Entropy* seems to be the most fitting element for a protagonist. It's an intercepting magic that works with minimal violence. Entropy is described as the thing that makes a bent nail or a crumpled paper hard to straighten again — it is the chaos and randomness in the universe. Entropy magic then specializes in churning out buffs and nerfs with no pattern, as if one were a walking casino slot machine. It's chaotic, it's unpredictable, and it's the last thing you want to see when you have grand evil plans rolling out tommorow. Time magic is the opposite. It's peaceful, it's orderly, it's magic that seeks to reduce the entropy of the universe. Combining the neutralizing power of Entropy and the rewinding/repairing magic of Time, the Great Passage Arcana has theoretically the best defense out of all six types. First off... Ashi can't have magic for long periods of time. He won't have it 24/7, so to not be caught empty–handed right when he needs it, he takes a leaf out of June's book trying to forecast the future. This way, he has an early warning which emergency situations will need magic. He won't predict all of it, but he'll be prepared for a good story arc or two. It's better than going in blind. Next, he'll excel in a close–quarters disarming spell. It's a simple fusion of speed magic plus predicting, very effective in stopping an assailant. And for his bread and butter, the whole Entropy package. Entropy has a lot of utilities. You want to destroy an evil deathray machine? *Entropy is your friend.* You have to break into the enemy's lair? *Entropy is your friend.* And most important of all, you want defeat someone a hundred times stronger than you (the Arcana waifus)? Entropy is your only shot. When it comes to other Arcanas, victory always goes to the stronger, smarter, and more experienced fighter. But against Entropy magic, that advantage is meaningless. Entropy closes the gap between the stronger and the weaker fighter, such that any predefined strength difference is rendered unuseable. Entropy's theme is that no matter how strong the enemy is, there's always a chance to turn the tables around; the strongest magics always fall against the simplest ones (sneeze spell, tickle spell, etc). **Antagonists** There are two types of antagonists in this story: the 10,000 demon pieces, and the Arcana waifus. The demons take up bulk of the story. Demons find people with powerful emotions such as jealousy and anger, and give them demon powers of their own. They act as the bridge for ordinary people to do evil things. Maybe someone wants revenge, maybe someone wants to take down the government... these are things the demon pieces easily latch onto. Anyone who is a host for demons receives powers beyond human limits, and will start a chain events which the main characters get caught up into. So in this scenario, the antagonists will be other fellow humans. The second antagonists are the Arcana waifus. They're not "evil" per se, but they're morally misguided. The story progression ultimately heads towards one of these Arcanas attempting to do some "world destroying". Raine does it. Darkstar does it. Pretty much everyone does it at some point. They are the overarching antagonists that everything is progressing towards. Now, I say they *are* antagonists, but they also take turns being the heroes. They have a weird dynamic where they're all so powerful they could destroy the world, but they're simultaneously the "safety switches" that can stop each other. When facing an Arcana waifu attempting to destroy the world, the protagonist or the military are enough. It takes an Arcana waifu to beat another Arcana waifu. **The Story** *Part 1, Raine's Arc* To paint a picture of what Ashi will face, I'll go into a very quick rundown of the main key events. At the start, Ashi travels with Raine, (more like she forced him to), aiming to hunt DemonLord pieces. He goes along with her because, well... he'll starve to death if he doesn't do anything, and she seems like she already knows the society of this world. He's strung along to hunt demons without being proactive himself, which is generally bad for a protagonist, but since defeating demons is not the story goal, he maybe gets a pass. The first arc covers Ashi and Raine chasing after a demon into a village populated by Vacuums. Since they're vulnerable, they are all protected by the *Nine Circles of Hell*, nine Fire specialists who had the most massive kill counts in the previous world war. From a skateboarding maid to a loli who uses pencils to attack, they are held as one of the strongest military forces to date. Ashi gets his first experience training magic here. Meanwhile, he notices something weird. Despite being called The *Nine* Circles of Hell, there's only eight of them. Ashi and Raine find out the story of how they had to kill one of their members after catching them in the act of doing a crime. She was a Moon–user. Despite not being a Wave, they recruited her because of Light's very useful, Lie Detection spell. She made information gathering easy, which gave them huge leverage during the war. However, a few years later, she was caught doing (insert crime here). She defends herself, saying someone she knows is being held hostage and she's being forced to do it — something along those lines... But since all the others are Wave users, not Moon, they don't have their own way to determine if she's lying or not. Ironically, it's their own *lie–detector* they can't lie–detect. They ask, "Why didn't you just tell us before? We're the best military troop around, we could have rescued that hostage." Now, I'm a sucker for internal conflict, and I would love nothing more than to put here that line in Page 18 of Kaguya–sama wa Kokurasetai, Chapter 182: [Kaguya 182](https://mangapark.net/manga/kaguya-sama-wa-kokurasetai-tensai-tachi-no-renai-zunousen-akasaka-aka/i2425080/c182) I absolutely get off on this shiz. Things like insecurity, things like self–blame... when the reason for the story's conflict is based around something psychological rather than physical, it just hits on a whole new level. Considered a traitor, she was burned alive and buried in the center of town. The Demon smells this injustice — even if she's long dead, her anger for the Nine Circles lingers forth. The Demon takes over her anger and turns into a towering monster. Civilians are evacuated as destruction rains everywhere. Knowing the full story, what do Raine and Ashi plan to do? Insert character development here. The next arc covers Raine and Ashi out at sea meeting Hera, who's already teamed up with a bunch of pirates and is trying to dig up a shipwreck supposedly carrying "tons of gold". Hera asks Raine to help her out (since sea counts under the jurisdiction of Water magic). Raine agrees, on the condition that Hera later goes to help her demonhunt. Raine and Hera work together to split the ocean and unearth a shipwreck from within its depths. However, as soon as Hera transfers the gold into a pocket dimension, she destroys her crewmates' ship, not intending to share the loot. Raine saves them, angry that Hera would stoop so low. Hera says she's still up for demonhunting if Raine wants, but Raine takes it back, realizing the dangers of having Hera as company. Hera teleports away. Over the next few weeks, Raine tries to catch word of her sisters. Darkstar and Memento Mori have been completely under the radar so far. Raine stumbles across Agyros, who true to her character, has gone and challenged every professional fighter she could find. Raine asks her to join demonhunting, to which Agyros says she'll do it if Raine beats her in a fight. Raine refuses, saying she's not going to hurt her sisters. Agyros says that's her weakness. If you want anything in this world, you should be prepared to take it by force. Agyros leaves. The last person to meet is June. When Raine meets June, although she doesn't want to do it, she takes Agyros' advice and challenges June to a fight. June agrees, and absolutely scrapes all her attacks. Raine failed to land a single strike. Frustration builds up. June says that contrary to what Agyros said, Raine's true weakness is that she doesn't *mean* what she does. There's a world of difference between simply trying to do something, and using everything in reach to achieve that goal. June leaves. This is when Raine gets fed up with everything. It's pointless to rally the Arcanas together, she should've just done everything from the start. She disbands the team with Ashi, and goes off on her own. Ashi hears of the news that the sun is acting weird. June tells him that Raine is trying to blow up the sun and kill everyone. That's insane, he says. Ashi tells June to stop her, but she just leaves. Ashi chases after her, he tries to find Raine, but no matter what he does, with no magic he can't do anything. He is useless by himself... He trips. All hope lost... That's when Darkstar appears, revealing that she had been following Ashi all along. She doesn't have the same goal as Raine, but she is similarly interested in the demons. So, she secretly followed the two while concealing herself with invisibility magic. Ashi pleads Darkstar to stop Raine. Darkstar doesn't really care if the sun blows up or not, but the idea of teaching "miss goody two shoes" a lesson *does* enthrall her. An unlikely duo, Ashi and Darkstar team up to stop Raine. Light should protect against non–physical attacks like Fire, but Darkstar is stubborn. She won't use it. Only when she's on the verge of defeat does she use Light's heals. Raine almost succeeds with her plan, but Darkstar also unleashes what she's been working on. A huge, snake/dragon–like smoke figure appears, black as the night. It catapults into the sky and swallows the sun. I reference this to the quest *Eclipse* in Dragonfable. (very amazing game if you want to check it out) Ashi (Entropy) fights Raine who has little mana left. Just in the nick of time, Ashi pulls out a lucky *body–swap* magic. With Ashi in Raine's body and Raine in Ashi, the disaster has been successfully neutralized. Raine reflects on the error of her actions. Hotsprings filler episode where the body swap effect suspiciously won't revert. *Part 2, Memento Mori* Darkstar and Ashi truly part ways this time. Ashi and Raine are about to return to demonhunting when they notice that for some reason, the demons have become more powerful. This was Darkstar's doing. Though the world has Darkstar to thank for stopping a solar burst, this was her true motive all along. That Eclipse spell was an experiment to see how demons in the vicinity will react to Darkness magic — stopping Raine was just a side errand. All over the news, demons start cropping up, swarming the major cities. Raine makes a mental note to discuss this the next time she sees Darkstar, but in any case, there's too many demons for one person to handle alone. June quickly tells them where to find Memento, before disappearing again. With no better option, Ashi and Raine go to Memento for help. They manage to convince her after a long talk, and as the idol of Death, she mass wipes most of the demons in one go. They enlist her to the party. From here, Raine, Memento Mori and Ashi go on one or two mini–adventures together. I'm thinking of, instead of the usual demonhunting formula, they get involved in a murder mystery... to make it thematic to the Death element. Anyway, there's a lot of opportunity to insert adventures here. *A lot.* So probably a series of self–contained arcs takes place, exploring the world and introducing many interesting characters. But as said, Memento passively lifesteals everyone around her. As time goes on, it becomes increasingly obvious she shouldn't have joined her party. Just as they were starting to develop a bond, Memento tethers around whether it's best for her to just leave. I do love my internal conflicts, so Memento's character arc is going to be about her wondering if it's better for everyone she go back to isolation. The nail in coffin is (details not worked out yet) when she uses a Resurrection spell to revive someone from the dead, completely shocking everyone around. Even Raine didn't know that was possible. The best Death magic could do so far was either necromancy (corpse reanimation), or simulating a hologram of the dead that talks and acts like the original. A *true* Resurrection spell was not something that's ever been done before. Memento confirms that the original Shion could do it. However, he kept it a secret from everyone somehow. News of this got out quickly — that someone brought back the dead, good as new as if they never died. Everyone suddenly wanted a piece of this. Everyone wanted Memento to revive their loved ones. People were rioting, fighting, to get to Memento first. This must be what Shion feared. He must've (with Time magic) predicted this insanity. Memento cuts off ties and goes into hiding. Raine and Ashi go in search of her, as well as thousands of people who want that Resurrection magic. Now begins a worldwide race to find Memento. Meanwhile, Agyros has already beaten all the strongest fighters in the world; she's running out of challengers. She comes to June for advice. "A person worth fighting, where can I find one?" June tells her that there is one such person — a person much, much stronger than Agyros. If she wants to find out the details, she needs to be at this [exact place and time], right where the climax of Memento's story arc takes place. Agyros asks if June thinks Memento can beat her, but June clarifies that it's *not* Memento. It's someone the six Arcanas haven't seen before, and June further teases that it's someone they couldn't even *imagine* existing. If it's not Memento, that means it's one of the people looking for her... — this is how Agyros interprets it. June alludes that Agyros should kill everyone approaching Memento. Protect Memento from all the ones after her. Just keep doing that, and someone *amazing* will appear before her eyes soon enough... Agyros takes this advice and leaves for Memento, warning June that she better not be lying, *or else.* Agyros finds Mori, they travel together. Mori doesn't want to kill people, but there's too many people after her. Agyros happily does all the killing. This goes on for a while... As things heat up, a huge, cult–like organization starts putting others in danger as well. They kidnap Ashi, thinking he knows where Memento is. June informs the others of what happened. Raine, Mori and Agyros all break into the secret hideout to bail Ashi out. Huge and long complications ensue, lasting several chapters, and involving many innocent civilians. Raine is trying to break Ashi out of the organization's grasp, while Agyros is killing everyone she could find. The designated meeting time should be right around now; he should be coming soon — that supposed "strongest person". In the height of the climax, Ashi is held at gunpoint. He is about to get killed. Memento was fine if they'd just gone after her and not involved anyone, but going after Ashi too is unforgiveable. She's had it, this is the last straw. Out of nowhere, Memento takes over Agyros and the two combine to form a new, *different* waifu. Memento and Agyros are gone now — in their place, a unique, *never before seen* Death+Air waifu. Her magic is not something resembling any known Arcana. She combines Air's long–range slicing magic and Death's ability to kill. No one is spared, everyone is instantly diced. Memento and Agyros return to their original forms. Agyros is shocked by what transpired. Memento reanimates the corpses of the dead to follow her, and comes to the conclusion that she should've just stayed alone from the start. Memento ends the conflict by saying that next time anyone comes near her, she's surely killing them, before leaving into the distance. *Part 3, Agyros* Agyros confronts June about what happened. June explains that what that was was a "Fusion", a phenomenon that happens when two of the Arcana waifus, in the heat of the moment, share a *common goal.* The Arcanas, by default, are too different to get along together. In times that they do see eye to eye however, that one moment where they understand each other and share the faintest semblance of an emphatic bond, when *that* happens, they unlock a hidden power to merge into one unified being. Back then, when Ashi was in danger, both Agyros and Memento aimed to kill the enemy. This mutual understanding is what allowed them to combine the best of both their Arcanas: Death's killing power, and Air's long reach. A Fusion has the fighting strength of two Arcana waifus combined into one. Agyros is not satisfied with this... She wanted to fight a strong opponent, not be merged into one... She orders June to fuse with another Arcana right now — June says it's not that simple, but that there *will* be more Fusions to come in the future. With Agyros' anger reaching its peak, the two fight. June uses speed magic, but Cloud Arcana is unfortunately the hard counter for it. Gravity sucks things in a magnetic "field". It's an area coverage, it's not something you can dodge or run from. June is defeated, and now, Agyros decides the "strongest people" she's looking for are her sisters. I'm fuzzy on the chronology after this. Maybe more filler arcs here and there. Agyros goes after Darkstar, who only narrowly escapes, and then Mori next. Probably for emotional effect, Raine finds Mori on the verge of death. Raine tells Mori to fuse with her so they can defeat Agyros, but the Fusion fails. Mori doesn't want to fight her sisters, so she passively accepts her fate. Raine freezes Mori to preserve her life, and takes it upon herself to stop Agyros. The matchup is now Raine (and Ashi) vs Agyros. Agyros tries to suffocate Raine with Oxygen Depletion magic, but Raine hard–counters this by taking the battle underwater. Raine and Ashi narrowly take the win. From here there's two Arcana left: Hera and Darkstar. I haven't worked out the details, but Hera eventually goes for a worldwide mind control, and Darkstar for a reality warp. **Themes** The easy way to write this is probably that Ashi wants to save the world, just like the original Shion did. "Even though he's weaker than the average person, heroism and righteous deeds are not something you forget. They're inside you." So Ashi, despite not remembering anything about anything, is still the same person through and through: *a hero.* You can build up to an emotional climax with this theme; it's simple, it's reliable, and no need to write the story super complicated. But I don't want this. This is a direction I'd prefer to avoid at all costs. In fact, I want to show the complete opposite theme: *Shion is gone.* Whether you like it or not, a person that has amnesia is no longer the same person you know. A person is defined by his memories and personality. Change that, and you've basically killed that person. We get Ashi, who is in stark contrast to Shion. He has no traits of being a hero in him. It would even be better if he's an asshole, or *rude* — something to that effect. He should have beliefs (not finalized yet) that are unsavory to listen to... things like you should not give to the poor, or that slavery is a natural product of human nature. He doesn't sugarcoat things, and says them in an almost cynical way. Right now, I'm envisioning Ashi as someone who's "a hero for the wrong reasons". For example, let's say Ashi at a birthday party. Suddenly, bad guys break in and kidnap the birthday girl. A fight ensues, where Ashi and main characters are defeated because they weren't ready. Target is taken to a secret hideout, because *insert plot element here.* Ashi and the cast break into secret hideout, retrieving the hostage and taking her as far away as possible. As bad guys chase after our characters, Ashi stays behind to delay one of the henchmen. In your usual action story, Ashi would be doing this for the team. He's giving the others *valuable time* to escape, he's doing it for birthday girl. But Ashi here cares about none of that. He just has a bone to pick with the guy who beat him. He takes it as a personal insult that he was defeated because he was caught offguard, so now it's a fight with no surprises... This is the kind of development I'm leaning towards. He's clearly fulfilling a heroic act here, but there's something that makes it unheroic all the same. This happens every single time. Ashi doesn't reach that state of being *100%* truly heroic. There's always something off about it, whether it's the motive, the method, his decision–making, etc... Add to that that Entropy magic can backfire (help the enemy instead), and there's the perfect case of a non–hero. Once the bad luck starts rolling in, Ashi will turn the smallest problems into a world–level threat. There'll be conflicts that are entirely his fault, throwing him for a loop, and it would now be up to Raine or another Arcana to clean up his mess, not that they hate doing that. This is what I want Ashi's character to be about: *a celebration of flaws.* He accepts that trying to be a 100% righteous hero is unrealistic, because no one is born a saint. So he does things the way he wants to, for better and for worse. To the question of who he thinks Shion is, his answer will be "not me". **What personality fits Ashi?** I can't come up with a personality that complements all his unique points. He's very... contradictory. He can be pessimistic at times... selfish, petty, and even reckless. Yet, he *still* has enough resolve to save the world when someone like Raine is threatening to destroy it. Next to the Arcanas and their senseless violence, he is the voice of reason. But next to the average person, he's someone who lacks basic decency. I can't imagine him having a normal interaction with the other characters and it not turn super awkward super fast. Right now he's not really a character yet, moreso a plot device to save the world/make things worse when needed. **Goal?** There may also be the problem of him not having a long–term goal to work towards. It's okay if he doesn't want to hunt demons (Raine has that covered), but he should have something he wants to achieve concerning the Arcana waifus. Preferably Hera, since she gives the most "Final Boss" vibes. One thing I'm considering is making Ashi our world's *parallel universe* counterpart of Shion. A normal highschool student. He committed suicide, was fished out from the void by Hera (Aether magic includes parallel dimensions), and correspondingly transferred into Shion's leftover body. Ashi regains memories of his life (our world) one by one, and makes it his personal goal to confront Hera why she resurrected him at all? What is the purpose of him living in this new world? I think this adds a unique touch to his character. He doesn't care about innocent people or justice at all. The reason he saves the world from destruction is that he can't fish out the truth from Hera anymore if the world ends, he's just too fixated on that goal... Or if not that, then a solid plan B is that he and the Arcanas have a memorable bonding time in the first chapter. The Arcanas have *all the necessities* to live self–sufficiently: Raine supplies water, Darkstar the lighting, Mori grows crops, Hera supplies construction materials, Agyros fashions them into a habitable structure, and June repairs everything that gets broken. All seven of them can theoretically live a happy, peaceful life by themselves. But soon after, rifts begin to form. They get into an argument regarding their views, and so they part ways. Ashi then makes it his goal to bring everyone together again. This seems like it could work, but probably very hard to write. It's very contingent on the first chapters being good. All six would have to have a really good chemistry together for someone to go to lengths to bring them back, anything less and it won't be convincing.
submitted by Hotaka_ to CharacterDevelopment [link] [comments]


2020.04.05 07:07 Panda_Tech_Support The Treatment of Aaron Nelms (Revised and complete)

The Treatment of Aaron Nelms
Written by Carlos Pandiella
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My name is Marcus Taylor. I work, or rather I worked, as a research assistant to Dr. Elizibeth Ford here at the Colton Institute. If you are listening to this, then you either work for the hospital as I do, or you came across this recording by some other means. Either by chance or on purpose, it really doesn’t matter. At least I got it out. If you know Aaron Nelms or have heard of him, please let his family know what I am about to tell you. In fact, if you know any of the patients at the Colton Institute, please...get them out. Talk to their families if they have any. They should know the danger that these people are in. The danger I am in.
It’s half-past nine and the rain outside is coming down hard tonight. I wanted to have more time to explain things properly, to really make you believe what I have to say. Yet, with things as they are, these scraps of notes are all I can offer. The power will be going out again soon with the storm moving in. Once that happens, I can’t really say if I will be able to get more than this out. This message will have to do.
I have locked myself in one of the empty office rooms. I pushed some of the furniture by the door as a makeshift barrier. If I am wrong, then everything should be fine for me by morning. However, I can hear something down the hall that makes me think I am far from wrong. I don’t exactly know what is in the hall right now, it could just be another person. Yet no one else is supposed to be in this area at night. It’s true, it could just be one of the doctors coming into the office late. Yet, it’s not likely in this weather. Not to mention, the sound of movement is off. It’s like there is only one person out there...but it sounds like movement from far too many sets of legs. Too many footfalls and much too quickly.
Alright, I think things are quiet now for the most part. The rain is hitting pretty hard now. Some places get snow in January, but not here in Louisiana. We get this cold torrent of rain instead. I never did get accustomed to this state’s weather. I only moved here because I thought I could really make a change for the better with the work they were doing here at Colton. I thought I could change the world someday. I was wrong.
I worked with a grad team on a project dealing with Alzheimer's prior to this. We thought we had found promising results that would let us slow down the effects brought about by the disease. It was not a cure, but something that could buy time for someone suffering from it. Here at the Colton institute, I was advised they were working on something even more profoundly progressive. Something even better than a cure to stop the process. There was talk of a method that was able to actually reverse the effects even in people that were on the final spirals of the illness. That sounded nearly impossible to me at first, but I was definitely interested in the prospect of being involved with such possible groundbreaking research.
Thus, I pushed and fought for the right contacts and security clearances to make myself available for a chance at the job. The Colton Institute is a privately run medical research facility that lived off government contract money. Eventually, I greased the right wheels and showed enough talent to get a shot at the job, which I obviously got. God, what mistake that was. If I had known then what I do now, I would have probably given up on life itself.
I have worked here for the past two years and generally enjoyed that time in strides. I was able to learn more in that time than all of my previous academic or professional pursuits. It was only in the past few months however that I became privy to the more “drastic” research being conducted under the building. If you don’t know anything about Louisiana, then only half of that might seem odd. You see here on the outskirts of New Orleans, where the Colton Institute is located, there are no underground facilities. Or rather, they are very rare. The soil is too damp and the water table too high to actually make a basement or anything like it a feasible design.
Yet, here at Colton, there is a fully operational research facility underneath the main building. It’s not particularly large in reference to the main site, but it has enough to get work done away from the light of prying eyes. I made a good name for myself and was also known for keeping my nose clear of problems. This bought me a golden ticket so to say with Dr. Ford who ran the lower facility. I still remember being so proud of myself when she asked me to join her personal research staff. I didn't know what they were working on at the time, but the woman was a rock star in the building. A spectacularly brilliant asset to her field. I was overjoyed to have a chance to learn from her.
I did find it odd back then when she stated I had to come back in after-hours to tour her lab. It was around seven at night when I came in. Just about everyone had gone home right at five so it was pretty much empty. Doctor Ford met me in the main lobby and walked me to a room that seemed to be set aside for spare parts and other maintenance needs. Near the back of the room stood a large walk-in storage container that had three locks on the front, (one of which was a fingerprint reader). I watched as she provided all the needed security measures asked to clear the door. I was rather impressed by the whole thing, to be honest. I felt like I was more important simply by just being asked to walk through a door with such fancy mechanics. I was a smiling idiot.
As I followed the Doctor through the container door, I was at once surprised to see we were heading towards a stairwell and a deep one at that. Again, this is not a common option here in New Orleans at all where even the dead are entombed above ground. We descended the stairs to her lab and I was amazed by what she had down there. On one side of the room was a set of three operating tables along with two very advanced micro MRI machines. A various assortment of surgical tools dotted the area ready to be used. There was also a set of flat-screen monitors set up as a monitoring station as well. From here Dr. Ford could see the entire above-ground facility as well as out into the parking lot. I never asked about it at the time, but I think there were even cameras setup at some residences as well. Now I am under the impression they were set up without the knowledge of anyone living in those homes. Almost like she was checking up on released projects.
Good God, her “projects”. I told you the Colton Institute was gearing up for advanced medical breakthroughs in Alzheimer's but that was just the softcover for everything else. The “real” work being done here is quite altogether apart from that.
You see, the other side of her room downstairs held something else. There were five holding pens or cages really. At that time, there was nothing inside of them. I asked right away, more with my eyes than my voice really. Doctor Ford said they were just temporary arrangements until other more comfortable methods could be utilized. I wanted to ask more questions about what I was seeing. I thought I spotted something like dried blood in one of the cages. Right there, right then I could have spoken up or gone to someone. Yet, instead, I let it fall back into the naive ideals of dreams to come.
In the weeks to come, I was asked to work on various aspects of her research. The other members of her staff were welcoming and kind in all regards. Yet, somehow they all seemed to be keeping their collective distance from me in some way. I could not pin it down at the time, but there was definitely something there under the surface of it all. Still, I kept on with my work as nothing was wrong. Initially, I was only going over progress reports of patients that were undergoing special treatment from Doctor Ford’s advanced therapy process. From what I was putting together, some of the patients were doing remarkably well. One, in particular, a woman named Cara Holmes had even seemed to be a prominent case for possible full regression.
I had never seen any work being done on these patients up to that point. Then, two weeks ago we had some sort of accident. Matthew, one of the other members of Ford’s staff was badly hurt. From what I was told, he was in a car wreck on the way to work and was injured quite badly. I had never met him but was advised he worked late shifts for Ford. This unexpected accident left her short-handed. As such, Doctor Ford wanted to bring me closer to direct work with a procedure she was conducting that night. She said that this was earlier than she expected to bring me to this stage. I was not sure what to expect but I was more than a little excited to be closer to the action as it were. As I went down the same set of stairs again, I could feel this rush of hot fetid air rolling over me. There was a loud set of clicking noises as I got to the bottom. When I walked into that research room I nearly threw up right away. I was not ready for that sight on the floor.
Doctor Ford yelled at me to run over and help one of the other staff members. He was trying to get a harness of some sort clasped onto this man on the floor. The man, he was a mess. His arms and legs were bent backward into a mockery of the human form. His neck bulged at the base with a violent force. It looked like something was about to burst forth. His face was a mass of reddish flesh with dark veins showing prominently. His auburn beard seemed singed and curled in some spots. The heat, good lord the heat. The closer I got to the man the more I could feel the air heat up. It was like every bit of the man was emanating a deep heat from within. The staff member with the restraints in hand, John, looked at me to help. I did what I could, but damn if that whole scene didn't have me shaking.
Eventually, we got the heated contorted man into one of the holding cages. John went to shut the door to the holding cage. As he did, one of the odd limbs of the patient shot out with terrible force and grabbed onto his arm. The patient let out a gurgled slog of spit and thick mucus all over John’s uniform. He let out a scream as the patient seemingly crushed his wrist. He pushed with all his weight and slammed the door closed on the man’s arm. I was too scared to do anything but watch. John slammed the door over and over on the ugly extremity latched on to him.
Finally, it let go and slunk back into the confines of the cage. All the while spitting out wet stinking clots of vile fluid onto the floor. John locked the door with multiple mechanisms to ensure the patient would not get out. Even so, he backed away quickly as to not risk another attack. After seeing this event and how mangled John’s arm was, I quickly began to doubt the nature of the car accident I was fed earlier. Somehow it seemed much more plausible that this “patient” was the cause of whatever damage befell Matthew.
Minutes later Doctor Ford took me into her upstairs office to talk as John went to patch himself up. She tried her best to calm me down with rational logical explanations for everything. To her credit, it was working but only on the surface. She explained to me that the man in confinement below was a special case and they were tasked with trying to help him out of his delusions brought about by various defects in his brain. His odd appearance was due to the unfortunate side effects of previous treatments at another facility. At some level, past her calm demeanor and educated poise, I could feel the insulting amount of crap she was shoveling at me. Yet, again I just sat there and smiled as I ate it up. Everything about that room downstairs screamed at my conscience. She seemed happy with my perceived obedience and told me that we would do our best to help everyone here.
All the while she was talking, all I could think about was that grotesque thing spilling onto the floor below us. I drove home that night trying to understand what I was supposed to do. What did I actually see down there? It was just a sick man I told myself. I tried to keep it together in my head. I had after all seen deeply disturbed patients at other facilities before. Nothing like what I saw that night of course. I went to bed that night staring into the television trying to tell myself that it was nothing. It was just a sick man, nothing else. I tried to keep that lie strong. It worked for a few days but it wasn’t meant to last.
Doctor Ford had me working more and more in her lower lab after that. Every day I went down those stairs felt horrible. Each step down closer and closer to that man in the cage. He seemed to become more and more docile each time, yet that made him seem even worse. The bulge in his neck had become more of a strange depression under his skin. It glowed slightly with a dim yellow light. His arms and legs were still set in their ugly disjointed orientation. It never got better to look at those faulted things. I would help John take a blood test from the man at times and at others try to get him to talk to us. He never did say anything aside from that nasty gurgles. Then one day, he was just gone. John told me he had been moved to somewhere more secure. I didn't question it as I was relieved to be apart from that nightmare.
John didn't seem to care one way or another. John...something about him didn't sit right with me either. He was a research assistant for Doctor Ford, like me. Yet, he looked like he was built for war and ready for it at all times. I don’t just mean he worked out a lot. It was something in his mannerism, the look in his eyes, or the way he moved. If I didn't know any better I would say the man was hired more for muscle than science. This is just speculation on my part, but I am confident that John is current or prior military of some sort. Guess speculation does not matter now though. Not at this point.
Two days ago I was asked to evaluate the status of a new patient that was being admitted. Doctor Ford said she wanted me to observe the man to see how severe his condition was. I would be using a quiz to try and get analytical data to use for my research. Just a bit past noon on Tuesday this gentleman arrived into processing. He was restrained and confined to a room in the upper facility at once. I asked about the restraints and was advised he was being very cooperative but it was a simple preventative measure. Seemingly, the gentleman in question had been experiencing hallucinations that caused him to have violent outbursts. This man’s name was Aaron Nelms. This man is the reason I can no longer take part in the work being done here at the Colton Institute. His treatment, his “medicine” as the good doctor called it, is what might be moving around in the halls tonight.
I went to see Aaron to interview him and gather notes for the trails to come. Doctor Ford had provided me with a set of questions she wanted me to go through with him. I was put off by the idea of talking to him on account of the possible outburst, but he was unable to move past his bed. Not to mention his arms were strapped down. I walked into the room and took a seat at a table. I was only about five feet from the gentleman. He looked at me with tired eyes and sighed as I sat down. He knew I was there to ask him questions that he must have already answered over and over with other professionals. I introduced myself and made it clear I was not there to judge, only to try and understand what he was going through.
It took some time for him to start talking to me. It almost seemed like he was trying to verify if I was real before allowing himself to talk. Eventually, he started to answer my questions with increasing comfort. The starting questions were all very basic. What was his name, who are his parents, how old he was? I then started to probe deeper into his issues to see what the extent of his hallucinations might be. Aaron looked at me with an almost fearful expression like the concept of talking about them would bring them upon us.
I directly asked him what he would see when they came. He looked dead into my eyes and said that they don’t come anymore. He said they stopped leaving. That they were always here now. This cryptic answer didn't tell me much, but It did pique my interest as to what was triggering the violence noted in his file. I wanted to go a bit off the notes and ask him more about his personal life, family, work, ambitions. I was looking for something that could tell me more as to what caused the episodes in the first place.
As I did, John came into the room. He looked a bit riled. He asked me why I was asking so many personal questions for the subject. I spoke up saying that I was trying to get more information for the Doctor, as well as advising John that the “subject” had a name. John’s attitude was almost combative at my response. He told me that I needed to stick to the allowed notes and do as commanded. He used that term, “commanded”. I can’t lie, John scared me a bit already but something in his movements there made me feel like I was in real danger. I gave a sheepish apology and told him I would try to keep it directly on the book from now on. He told me to take a break and head out for lunch. I told him I could continue, that I wasn’t even hungry. Yet, as he looked back at me I could tell it was not a suggestion. I gathered my things and left the room. As I did, there was a sinking feeling in my gut that something foul was happening.
Walking out of the building another thought hit me. John’s arm was bare and exposed in that room. The same arm that the gnarled looking patient below had ripped at just a few nights ago. It was clean. No sign of damage at all. How was that possible I thought? I remember the blood and rent flesh I saw that night. That mess was clear now. There was just no way he could have healed that fast. There would be scars from that. I tried to make sense of it by telling myself that he must have used some kind makeup to cover it...but no, that just didn't seem right either. It was just another in a series of doubts and lies that I was pushing down.
Later that day, I went to see Dr. Ford about the matter. I spoke up about how John seemed to be rather aggressive and forceful in his approach. She told me that I should not worry about it. Instead, she suggested that I be appreciative of his strength as it comes in handy with some of the more “unruly” individuals that come here. She quickly moved the matter to another subject. Dr. Ford advised me that Aaron was scheduled for a screening to be a new test subject for her therapy method. I was told that I needed to prep the lab below with John that night for the process. I wanted to ask more, but she already started to leave. took a call and asked me to leave the office.
As soon as I stepped outside of her office, John was there waiting for me. He told me to follow him and we went down to the lab. Once there he had me do some menial cleaning duties. I was wiping off what seemed like freshly dropped fluid spills. I asked John what happened and his reply was simply a series of mutterings. With that, I understood that we would be talking much at all. I was a bit annoyed to be used as a janitorial service considering my position, but considering the secrecy of the lab, I understood the “why” behind it. John didn't help much with the cleaning. He worked on adding a reinforced steel lining to one of the containment cells. I could see what looked like claw marks on parts he was replacing. I shuddered to think of what else was held in these cells I was not privy to.
I was almost done with the final cleaning needs when I found it. I bent down to wipe out some hard to reach gunk from underneath the surgical table. The spot had an odd bend to it that made reaching the mess a chore. I grabbed a screwdriver to help move a panel aside to make it easier. As I did, something fell down onto the floor. At first, I thought it was just another bit of gunk like the rest. Yet, this was a dried and brittle piece. It must have been there for a while. When I went to collect with my gloved hands, it broke apart. I then found that the brittle outer layer was coating something underneath. It was a badge. An ID badge for use here at Colton!
I inspected the badge and saw it belonged to one Matthew L. Anderberry. The ID picture was of a young man with a gleaming smile, maybe in his late 20’s. He had reddish hair and a bushy auburn beard. Within seconds of seeing the badge, the realization of what I was looking at dawned on me. The contorted abomination of a man that I had seen down in the same lab before. The thing that spat up this viscous fluid. The ugly image that carried the same auburn beard. That patient in the cage those few nights ago. It was Matthew, Dr. Ford’s staff member that was hurt in the car accident. I didn’t even see John come up to me. He grabbed the badge out of my hand and stuffed it into his back pocket. He looked at me like he was considering if he should do something, say something. Instead, he just told me to go back upstairs and wait for him by Aaron’s room. I did as he asked and nearly as soon as I made it outside of the security doors...I sank against a wall and fell apart for a moment.
I was nearly certain there was something wrong going on, something foul. Now I knew it. Matthew certainly looked like he might have been in a car wreck, but was that before or after they decided he needed to be part of Dr. Ford’s treatment work? I gathered my mental faculties and made my way to the second floor where Aaron’s room was located. However, before I made it there I stopped by the bathroom and isolated myself in a stall. I opened my browser and did a search for Aaron Nelms. I don’t know why I suddenly thought to do so, but something was tugging at my head for it.
At first, I didn’t find anything useful or notable, But then I refined my search with added keywords like missing, admitted, or jailed for example. Then I found an article that opened this atrocity up for me. The article spoke about a project in Africa where a group of research scientists had been working on a rare plant specimen. This plant seemed to contain properties that would help reverse blindness in humans, or so the local people said. I looked through the article and found one Dr. Nelms credited with establishing a working dialog with the locals allowing them to make headway.
As I dug deeper into this team I finally came to a group image of the research scientist on location. It was dated over six months ago. In that image, to the top right wearing a casual plaid shirt and jeans was the very same man I was to see on the second floor. No doubt about it, that was Aaron Nelms. I dug deeper and deeper and eventually came to a missing person’s notice posted on two social media sites. Both of them were seemingly posted by Aaron’s wife. She stated that he had been reported missing and that no leads were found. The posts were heartbreaking to read. I knew I had to do something, tell someone.
I thought, was it possible that Dr. Ford didn’t know the history of this man? Maybe I could just talk to her and we could all work it out. I was optimistic and...stupid. I made my way out of the bathroom and over to Aaron’s room. John was not there yet. I think he wanted to make me wait for him on purpose just to assert dominance in some way. Maybe he was just being a jerk. I could not tell with that man.
I went ahead and risked a walk into the room. Aaron was sitting on the bed just as before. He was looking at the wall with a scowl on his face. He did not seem to even register my approach. I was about to say hello when he started to speak. He was not talking to me however, he was speaking to the wall. Aaron was telling something there that he can’t help anymore. He said that no matter what, he can’t let his family get touched by it.
I assumed the man was having one of his hallucinations. I interjected his conversation by asking, “Who are you talking too?”. He turned to face me and I could see there were tears in his eyes. He said it did not matter. It was not a who, but a what and that I surely did not want to know. I was bursting inside to ask him about what I had found. To see if he was indeed the same researcher whose wife is lovingly searching for. I went to open my mouth but he put up a finger to silence me.
“It does not matter”, he told me. He told me that I was there to get him ready for the poison. He told me that the thing on the walls already told him what was going to happen. I asked what the thing on the walls was. He just shook his head saying that I was not there yet. I was not built right to see it. I then asked him about the poison, what he meant by that. He replied that the treatment was more than I could see. He said that Dr. Ford was making sure it pulled all the good parts of a mind away from the bad. It was a caustic venom she was milking from the wall things.
I had no idea what he was talking about, and quite honestly he was playing the part of a lunatic quite well. Aaron looked at me and smiled. He said that the thing she calls John is coming and I should get ready. He told me that Dr. Ford hit it again and it’s in a bad mood. Just then John came through the door and he did have an angry look about him. I pulled back to a corner of the room as he walked in. John simply told Aaron to stand up. Even as he said it, he pulled the man from the bed with one arm and manhandled him. He was checking for something on his back. Seemingly finding whatever his target was, he took a syringe from his pocket and injected Aaron with it. Aaron made no sign that he was in pain, or that he was even totally there with us.
John dropped the man and turned to leave. He threw the syringe on the ground and told me to clean it up. He had an ugly sneer as he did. Walking out the door he told me to finish up my reports and be back by eight to start the process. I spent the rest of the day with mixed feelings of fear, anger, and confusion rolling around my head.
As the time came, I made my way down to the underground lab for the last time. John was waiting for me at the entrance. He unlocked the door without saying a word and we went down together. Making our way down the stairs, I could smell a faint stink in the air. Something I was not familiar with. It had hints of feces or strong bitterness to it. Whatever it was, the scent was building by the moment. Dr. Ford was by some of the monitors below with her scrubs on. I was already wearing a set in preparation as well. John had a pair on as well, but he seemed bulky and heavy. I was sure that he was wearing something hard underneath.
Finally, down there on the surgical table was Aaron himself. He was awake but seemed quite apart from the situation going on around him. He was making small movements with his lips like he was whispering something. I followed his eyes and he was staring at a far-right wall. As I did, for just the faintest of moments, I swore I could see something there. I blinked and looked again...nothing. I let that moment fall away as just being tired, seeing things in shadows. Looking back at Aaron, He was still looking at the wall. Yet, with his right eye still in place, his left rolled around and looked at me. I didn't know what the hell was going on, and I asked Dr. Ford as to the man’s ocular strangeness. She just laughed and said that I worry too much about the little things. She said that tonight I would be part of the bigger picture.
I think I understand what she meant now, but I hope to god I am wrong. I asked her just what we would be doing too, or rather for Aaron. She told me to stop using his name as it is not allowed down here. She said to refer to him as “C-213”. I was taken aback by her nonchalant tone. She told me to check the restraints and prepare to document the process. I did so and felt horrible right away. These restraints she had on him, they were biting into the flesh of the man. They felt far too tight and when I voiced as much, John told me to shut up.
Moments later the process started. Dr. Ford used no less than eleven syringes filled with various concoctions too begin with. These were all injected into Aaron’s neck. He again made no motion as she did so. Dr. Ford started to speak, mostly for the record. She said the patient who suffered from multiple hallucinations and various mental issues would be receiving a level three application of the HG solution. She stated it was a modified formula that would help to further the separation of healthy brain segments from the failing ones. She added that the growth supplement would be tested in this trial as well to verify if the removed sections could be repaired by the body itself.
For a moment, I was brought back into the young happy researcher I wanted to be. Once again I thought to myself about all the good that we could do if she was right about her work. Yes, for just a moment I had let the ideas of everything I knew up into point fall aside as my reason for coming surfaced again. Yet, that was not to last for long.
As I looked at Aaron on the table, I remembered the ID card I found under the panel I removed. Matthew, he had been on this table before at some point. He had been given something here. I mind reeled at the thought of what happened that night. What details had I been lied to about?
Dr. Ford went to apply some sort of cream to the injection site. It was not something I was medically familiar with. Oh lord did it stink! It filled the room with the same smell from that night. Almost Instantly I felt the air around me rise in temperature. Aaron buckled and strained against the restraints. Even so, he made no facial suggestions that he was in any form of pain. He, for the most part, looked like he checked out mentally from the whole situation.
Dr. Ford looked towards me and assured me that we were fine. This is how the solution starts. Once the treatment begins, the subject expels a massive wave of heat. She advised it would pass and not to worry. I nodded and maintained my documentation on the process while also keeping an eye on the noted bio-readings on the monitors. Aaron’s heart rate was slow, not dangerously slow, but enough to make me wonder at the details going on inside his body.
Dr. Ford spoke again, Noting that the subject had not shown any signs of discomfort. John just kept walking around the table like a coiled cobra. Ready to strike into action should anything go off the rails. Just as well, because it soon would. Dr. Ford pulled over a set of surgeon’s tools on a rolling table. She inspected them and selected one. She bent over Aaron’s left ear and was getting ready to start. She proclaimed that she would now begin the process of the first incision to determine the status of dying portions.
She sliced into the heated flesh and a rupture of smells came forth. I was extremely nauseated by this point. I don’t have a particularly weak stomach, but this level of intensity was just overbearing. As she continued her cuts, I could see Aaron was saying something. Whispers again at first, but then quite clearly he said: “They want you too”. Dr. Ford backed away, her tool gleaming with blood under the lights. “What did you say”, she replied. Aaron said it again, this time with a stronger tone in his delivery; “They want you too”. Dr. Ford made a motion to John to fetch another set of syringes from a nearby cabinet.
As he moved away, Aaron tore his left arm free from the restraint. A shower of gore blew out from the now shredded section where his hand and wrist connected. Still...no sign of pain came across his face. He used the mangled appendage as a tendril of sorts and latched onto the doctor’s throat. His eyes became rolling flashes of ebon light. With a sickening snap, he broke the restraint on his neck and pulled himself up to face level with Dr. Ford. John was already dashing back to the table, but something seemed to grab hold of him and pull him toward the far right wall. Whatever it was seemed to have hold of his leg and was drawing him farther into the shadows of the wall.
My attention came back to the table as Dr. Ford started to scream at me for help. Aaron opened his mouth allowing thick ropes of blackened saliva to spill out. He told her that she had not delivered as they wanted, now they wanted her. What that meant, I could not even guess at. With a vile contortion of his body, Aaron threw the doctor across the lab. She landed close to where John was struggling with whatever had a hold on him. I was having a hard time focusing on anything as the light in the lab was dimming and becoming an almost thick layer of electric haze.
I heard something akin to a plastic wrapper crinkling but with an accompanied wetness that spoke of a scene, I would rather not see. I let fear take over and dashed to the stairs. I struggled to get up each step. At one point I think I nearly slipped down. I dared one glance back when I was near the top. I saw him, Aaron. He was sitting down calmly in one of the chairs below. Sounds of obscene violence still blowing out from near the surgery table. He looked at me with a serene smile and gave me a thumbs up. Then he said, “Don’t run far”. Even over the mess of the moment, I could hear his words clearly. Somehow, they terrified me more than anything else I saw down there.
I made my way up and ran into the nearest office I could find that was unlocked. I barricaded the door with anything I could find. Then I rested against the wall and waited for something to come. I waited so long, but nothing ever came. Not even a noise. At some point, I must have passed out. I remember waking up today. I had my clothes covered in a thick mucus. It must have been from the lab, but I didn't even notice it. My neck had small wounds on it too. Something like tiny paper cuts. I checked my pockets for my phone to call the police or anyone for help. I must have dropped it in the run. I looked around and found a laptop in one of the desk that was in the office. By some grace, it was charged. I was able to log in and connect to the local intranet. If the time is right, I slept until late the next day. Checking for active logins, no one seemed to be on but me. The local network does not allow me to access outside sites or email anyone beyond the office.
So here I am, alone in this damned nightmare place. Now, tonight I am hearing noises out there and I am not sure if I will get another night. I have saved this recording to as many places inside the internal network as possible. Please, if you get this message….do something. Anything.
As for Aaron Nelms...If you see him, be careful. I don’t think the people he talks to in the walls are just in his head. Not anymore.
submitted by Panda_Tech_Support to DrCreepensVault [link] [comments]


2020.03.31 17:08 invah [Meta] All the things

What is abuse?
Power
Abusers
"If people can't control their own emotions then they have to start trying to control other people's behaviour." - Robin Skynner; John Cleese
"When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you..." - Jill Blakeway
"How to not abuse someone. 'Don't hit them' would be mentioned but wouldn't be the focus. The focus would be on 'don't try to control them.'" - Holly, The Pervocracy
"You don't know how to love people. You only know how to own them. And because people will never act just like you want them to, Mother, you'll always feel betrayed....you'll always feel cheated. But you're the cheat, Mother. You're the one who uses our love for you to try and control us." - Orson Scott Card, Xenocide
"I think too much emphasis is put on love in general. I’ve heard of many atrocities done within families in the name of love but never in the name of respect." - Elvira G. Aletta
Characteristics of abuse and abusive relationships
"The most insidious aspect of living with an angry or abusive partner is not the obvious—nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It's the adaptations you make to try to prevent those episodes." - Steven Stosny
Couples therapy makes things worse for victims of abuse
If violence has been, and especially if it currently still is an issue in your relationship, then Couple Counselling is not recommended. Nor is Mediation if you are going through separation or divorce. Basically the abuse itself has to be dealt with BEFORE any form of joint counselling or mediation can be effective, and in the meantime can, at best, deflect from the actual problem and fudge responsibility issues. (source)
Victim-blaming
Emotional Regulation
Cognition
Sense of Self
Coping Mechanisms: Adaptive and Maladaptive
Victim Responses
Boundaries
The healing/recovery process
Healthy relationships
The Toxicity of Neo-Enlightenment Thinking
Communicating your experience to a potentially skeptical audience
Reddit: on relationships and partners
Reddit: on parenting
Reddit: on emotional states
Reddit: on paradigms
Reddit: on argument
submitted by invah to AbuseInterrupted [link] [comments]


2020.03.30 08:20 Zalogon Primaria 4 (Parte 3)

愛 案 以 衣 囲 位 胃 印 英 栄 塩 億 加 果 貨 課 芽 改 械 害 街 各 覚 完 官 関 管 観 願 希 季 紀 喜 旗 器 機 議 求 泣 救 給 挙 漁 共 協 鏡 競 極 訓 軍 郡 径 型 景 芸 欠 結 健 験 建 固 好 航 候 康 功 告 差 菜 最 材 昨 札 刷 察 殺 参 産 散 残 士 氏 史 司 試 辞 治 児 失 借 種 周 祝 順 初 松 笑 唱 焼 照 賞 象 信 臣 省 清 成 静 席 積 折 説 節 浅 戦 選 然 争 倉 巣 束 側 続 卒 孫 帯 隊 達 単 置 仲 貯 兆 腸 低 底 停 的 典 伝 徒 努 灯 堂 働 特 得 毒 熱 念 敗 梅 博 飯 飛 費 必 票 標 付 府 不 夫 副 粉 兵 別 辺 変 便 包 法 望 牧 末 満 未 脈 民 無 約 勇 要 養 浴 利 陸 良 料 量 輪 類 令 冷 例 歴 連 老 労 録

松 Pine Tree

訓読み- まつ
音読み- No importa tanto :D
ejemplos
松(まつ) Pine tree
(浜松) はままつ City

笑 Reir

訓読み- わ・え
音読み- ショウ
ejemplos
笑う(わらう) Reirse
笑顔(えがお) Sonrisa
爆笑(ばくしょう) soltar risas
聴衆は皆爆笑した。 The whole audience erupted in laughter
彼の冗談はクラス全員を爆笑させた。His joke made all the class burst into laughter.

唱 chant

訓読み- とな
音読み- No importa tanto
ejemplos
唱える(となえる) to chant

焼 Asar

訓読み- や
音読み- ショウ
ejemplos
焼く(やく) asar
焼ける(やける) se asa
全焼(ぜんしょう) burned down
家は全焼した。The house was burned to the ground
焼肉(やきにく) Yakiniku
焼き鳥(やきとり) yakitori
たこ焼き(たこやき) takoyaki
日焼け(ひやけ) sunburn
夕焼け(ゆうやけ) The afterglow of sunset (not the sunset per se)
夕焼けがあると翌日は晴れることが多い。An evening glow often promises good weather the next day

照 iluminar

訓読み- て
音読み- ショウ
ejemplos
照らす(てらす) to illuminate
その部屋は赤い光で照らされていた。
照れる(てれる) sentir pena
「いやあ、そんなに褒められたら照れるなあ」No me elogies tanto uwu, stop it
彼は彼女のいる前ではとても照れくさそうにする。He acts very shy in her presence.
対照(たいしょう) contraste
赤は青と美しい対照をなす。Red contrasts well with blue
その二つの考えの対照は非常に際立っている。The contrast between the two ideas is very marked
その本は筆者は日本とアメリカを対照させた。
参照(さんしょう) bibliographical reference
前記参照 See above
5ページの下記を参照してください。 See the footnote on page 5
10ページを参照してください Please see page 10
作家はよく辞書をお参照する Writers often refer to a dictionary
冷蔵庫を修理するなら取り扱い説明書を参照しなさい。Refer to the instructions to fix the refrigerator
日照り(ひでり) Drought
日照りが作物に大損害を与えた the drought has caused great harm to the crops

賞 premio

訓読み- No tiene :D
音読み- ショウ
賞(しょう) premio metaforico; bragging rights (?)
賞品(しょうひん) El Premio; el producto concreto que te dan por ganar (trofeos, juguetes, etc)
Comments de japos:
賞品は 賞として与えられる品物です
賞 is just award for gain fame. (Champion)
賞品 is award gift.ex money, gift card and car... (champion belt)
一等賞(いっとうしょう) First prize
受賞(じゅしょう) obtención de premio (se implica que aceptaste el premio)
マザー・テレサはノーベル賞を受賞した。 Madre teresa obtuvo el premio Nobel
芥川賞の受賞を辞退したいのですが。May I excuse myself from receiving the Akutagawa price?
賞金(しょうきん) Prize money
鑑賞(かんしょう) Apreciación (de algo de calidad)
よい音楽を鑑賞することっはそれほど難しいことではない。It’s not so difficult to appreciate good music
音楽鑑賞が趣味だ。I am interested in appreciating music.
彼は芸術に対する鑑賞力がある。 He has an eye for art
彼は文学を正しく鑑賞できるようになった。He learned to appreciate literature
この部屋の隅に観賞植物を置きたい。In this corner of thee room I’d like to put a house plant
賞賛(しょうさん) praise; admiration
彼は人命救助で賞賛された He was praised for saving a life
彼は作家として賞賛されている He is admired as a writer
その絵は賞賛のまとだった。The painting was object of admiration
彼の勇気は賞賛に値する His courage is worthy of praise.

象 Elefante

訓読み- No importa tanto
音読み- ゾウ・ショウ
ejemplos
像(ぞう) Elefante
印象(いんしょう) Impresión
この話をすると彼は間違った印象を与えるんじゃないかな。 I’m afraid the story will give him a wrong impression
彼女は何事にもあまり関心がないような印象を与える。She gives the impression of not caring much about anything.
対象(たいしょう) target; Objeto (de estudio, de criticismo, investigación, etc);
彼の著作は非難の対象となった。His book became an object of criticism.
輸入品は高い課税対象だ。Import goods are subject to high taxes
企業の政治団体っは厳しい検査の対象になっています。Corporate political donations are coming under heavy scrutiny
彼は研究の対象を広げた。 He expanded his research.
この歴史書は高校生を対処に書かれている。This history book is written for high school students.
子供を対象とした本 A book targeted to children
調査の対象はなんですか。 What are you going to make a survey of?
現象(げんしょう) fenómeno (natural, social, etc)
イナズマは電気による一現象である。 Lightning is an electrical phenomenon.
その現象は今の時代に特有のものだ。The phenomenon is typical of our modern era
月食っは珍しい現象だ。An eclipse of the moon is a rare phenomenon
抽象的(ちゅうしょうてき) Abstracto
幸福の観念はきわめて抽象的だ。The idea of happiness is extremely abstract.

信 Creer

信じる(しんじる) Creer; confiar
人々はかつて世界は平らだと信じていた。People once believed the world was flat
私は信心深い男で、死後の生命の存在を信じています。 Soy un hombre religioso y creo en la existencia de la vida después de la muerte
信じ込ませる(しんじこませる) hacer que alguien crea algo; meterle la idea en la cabeza
彼女は私にその話をまんまと信じ込ませた。She cheated me into accepting the story
彼は彼女を説得して自分の言ったことを信じ込ませた。He reasoned her into believing what he said
私にはそれをやる能力が十分にある事を彼に信じ込ませようとした。I tried to convince him that I was perfectly capable of it.
信頼(しんらい) reliance on something/someone; faith
彼の、証明済みの能力は、信頼できます。You can rely on his proven ability
彼の能力を全面的に信頼している。I have every confidence in his ability
私は、父の信頼に背かぬようにしなければならない。I must live up to my father’s faith in me
2、3の欠点を別にすれば、彼は信頼できるパートナーだ。Apart from a few faults, he is a trustworthy partner
Nota:
A clever lawyer might be 信用できないが信頼できる to the client, and your nice but incompetent friend is 信用できるが信頼できない to you.
確信(かくしん) conviction
彼はそれをカレーだと確信している。He is sure of it being curry.
彼の成功を確信している。 I am convinced of his success
彼は自分が潔白であることを私に確信させた。He convinced me of his innocence
信用(しんよう) Trust
あなたは私が信用できるたった一人の人です。You are the only person that I can trust
経歴のわからない人間を信用してはいけない。Don’t trust a man whose past you know nothing about.
彼は信用を失った。He lost his honor
自信(じしん) Self-confidence
彼は試合に勝つ自信がある He is confident he’ll win the game
信号(しんごう) Semáforo
信号が青になるまで待ちなさい。 Wait till the light turns green

臣 Enorme

訓読み- No tiene
音読み- キョ
ejemplos
巨大(きょだい) Enorme; huge; gigantic
巨大な肉の塊が当たった。I was hit by a good chunk of meat
その小さい男の子は目を大きく見開いて巨大な像を見た。The little boy gazed at the huge elephant, eyes wide open
巨人(きょじん) Even juro destruir todos y cada uno de ellos :v

省 looking back

訓読み- はぶ・かえり
音読み- セイ
ejemplos
省く(はぶく) leave out; omitir algo para ahorrar; librar
洗濯機のおかげで主婦はずいぶん手間が省ける Washing machines spare housewives a lot of trouble
コンピューターは我々から多くの時間と手間を省いてくれる Computers save us a lot of time and trouble
この2行は省くべきだ You should leave out these two lines
この機会のおかげで私たちは大いに手間暇が省ける。Thanks to the opportunity, we were able to avoid substantial effort.
その橋のおかげで彼らは時間と労力が大いに省けた。The bridge saved them a lot of time and trouble
省略(しょうりゃく) quitar algo para acortar;
その本の最後章は省略してよい。You can omit the last chapter of the book
この句では前置詞を省略できるYou can omit the preposition in this phrase.
レポートのこの部分は省略できる。This part of the report may be left out
最後の2節を省略して歌いましょうか We'll sing that song, omitting the last two verses
その本の最終章は省略してよいYou can omit the last chapter of the book
省みる(かえりみる) looking back
Nota: encontré muchos ejemplos que usan 省みず que se puede interpretar como “regardless”
彼は危険をかえりみず勇気を示した Mostró coraje sin mirar atrás, donde estaba el peligro
彼女は費用を顧みず家を飾りたてた She decorated her house regardless of cost
彼は俗事をかえりみず研究に没頭した He applied himself to his study, without thought for his normal life
困難を省みず前進すべし You should try to make your way despite all the difficulties
省みて、我が人生に悔い(くい)なし looking back at my life, I got no regrets.
Comments de un japo:
意味は、「自分の人生を振り返ってみても、ああすればよかった、こうすれば良かった、という具合に後悔(こうかい)しなければならない点がない」という意味です。
反省(はんせい) introspección; analizar tus pensamientos y acciones
彼は自分の過ちを反省した He reflected on his errors
彼は自分自身の考えを反省した He reflected on his own thoughts
少し反省すれば、君は間違っていることがわかるでしょう A little reflection will show you that you are wrong
人々が我々について言っていることが真実であることを反省してみると粛然とせざるをえない How awful to reflect that what people say of us is true
Comments de un japo:
人は後悔すると、次は後悔しなくてもいいように、反省します。
帰省(きせい) homecoming; returning home
彼は休暇で帰省中です。He is home on leave
7年ぶりに帰省しました。After an absence of seven years I went home
内務省(ないむしょう) Home ministry

清 pure

訓読み- きよ
音読み- セイ
ejemplos
清い(きよい) metaphorically pure
心の清い人たちは幸いである Blessed are the pure in heart
清める(きよめえる) to purify
心を清める Purification of the mind.
清潔(せいけつ) literally pure; clean; pulcro
君の手は清潔ですか Are your hands clean?
部屋を清潔にしておきなさい Keep your room clean
工場は石炭から、より清潔な燃料への転換を強く要求されている Factories have been urged to switch from coal to a cleaner fuel
清算(せいさん) saldar deudas
私があなたに1ドル払えば清算がつく If I pay you 1 dollars we’ll be even
彼は死んで罪を清算した。He committed suicide to atone for his sin.
清掃(せいそう) a clean up
美術館の東の陳列等は清掃のため閉鎖されていた The museum’s eastern gallery was closed for cleaning

成 To become

訓読み- な
音読み- セイ
ejemplos
成る(なる) to become
完成(かんせい) completion
その仕事は大部分完成した The work has been almost completed.
そのような仕事を完成したことを私は誇りに思っている I am proud of having accomplished such a task
君の助けがないと完成できない He is equal to the task
成功(せいこう) success
賛成(さんせい) Support; Approval
先生は彼の計画に賛成した The teacher approved his plan
私はあらゆる言論の自由に賛成だ I stand for freedom of speech for everyone
ブラックさんがその計画に賛成する見込みがありますか Is there any likelihood that Mr Black will agree to the plan.
構成(こうせい) constituir; componer; conformar; constistuir
アメリカ合衆国は50州から構成されている The USA is composed of 50 states
水は水素と酸素で構成されている Water consists of hydrogen and oxygen
この芝居は2つの短い場面で構成されているThis drama consists of just two short scenes
水は水素と酸素で構成されているWater consists of hydrogen and oxygen
成長(せいちょう) growth
食物がどれだけ成長に影響があるのか分かっている We know how food affects growth
日本経済は急速に成長したThe Japanese economy developed rapidly
彼は成長して医者になった He grew up to be a doctor
小さな村が大きな都市に成長した A small village grew into a large city
教育にもっとお金をかければ経済成長に拍車がかかるだろう More money for education will spur economic growth
成績(せいせき) calificación de examen
成る程(なるほど) oh, I see

静 quiet

訓読み- しず
音読み- セイ
ejemplos
静か(しずか) silencioso
静岡(しずおか) Shizuoka (city)
冷静(れいせい) tranquilo; calmado; peaceful (mind)
彼女はお知らせを冷静に受け止めた。She took the news calmly
事態は、私たちの冷静な判断力を必要としてる。The situation calls for our cool judgement
あなたは冷静を保った。えらい。I admire you for keeping your head.
彼は混乱の真っ只中にあっても冷静だ。He remains cool amidst confusion
彼は危険を前にしても冷静だった。He remained calm even in the presence of danger
彼の冷静な言葉で私恐怖は和らいだ。His calm words allayed my fear
その娘はたいそう美しいので非常に冷静な男でさえも彼女に惹かれる。That girl is so beautiful that she attracts even the most self possessed of men
平静(へいせい) tranquility; Peaceful (state)
彼はやがて平静に戻った。He soon recovered his composure
トムは平静を保とうとした。Tom tried to stay calm.
彼は徐々に平静を取り戻した He gradually recovered his temper
平静を保てないと君は地位を失うことになるよ You will lose your position if you don’t keep your temper
彼は平静なようだったが実のところはとてもあがっていた He looked calm, but actually he was very nervous
校内はようやく平静に戻った The campus finally became peaceful again.
群衆は平静に退散した The crowd dispersed quietly [peacefully].
Notas de un japo:
平静 is not commonly used except for the following two forms: “世界は平静を保っているように見えた" The world seemed kept peaceful. ”彼は平静を装っていた” He pretended to be calm.
Notas de otro japo:
”彼は冷静だった": Natural ”彼は平静だった": Unnatural
Notas de otro japo:
{○冷静/×平静}な行動
{○冷静/×平静}に判断する
かろうじて{○冷静/○平静}を装う
{×冷静/○平静}を失う
街はようやく{×冷静/○平静}になった (冷静さを失う is fine though)
「類語例解辞典」より
静まる(しずまる) calmarse
海をじっと眺めていると私は気が静まる感じがする。When I contemplate the sea, I feel calm
風が静まった。Ya se calmó el viento

席 Asiento; posición

訓読み- No tiene
音読み- セキ
ejemplos
席(せき) lugar (asignado o por asignar); posición
窓側の席がいいです。I’d like a window seat.
席を確保するには列に並びさえすればいい All you have to do to secure a seat is wait in line
彼の辞職で官僚の席に空きができた。His resignation left a vacancy in the cabinet
出席(しゅっせき) Attendance
欠席(けっせき) absence, non-attendance
座席(ざせき) asiento literal
彼らはお互いに座席を交換した。They exchanged seats with each other.
座席ベルトをおしめください。 Fasten your seatbelt
座席をとっておいてください。Please save my place
私に席を譲っていただき、本当にありがとうございます。 Gracias por ofrecerme tu asiento
出席者 (personas) presentes
出席者は40人だった。There were forty people present
空席(くうせき) asiento vacío

積 apilar; acumular

訓読み- つ
音読み- セキ
ejemplos
積む(つむ) to pile up;
雑誌はテーブルの脇の積んである。The magazines are piled up next to the table.
一隻の船に全部を積む冒険をするな。 Don’t risk putting everything in one boat
積み込む(つみこむ) load (cargo into a vehicle)
彼らは今石炭を船に積み込んでいます。They are loading coal into a ship now
積み上げる(つみあげる) to build up over time
一族が苦労して積み上げてきたものを、お前は一瞬で反故にするつもりか。Do you plan to throw away in one instant what our family has painstakingly built up
雪が塀に吹き寄せて積み上がった。The snow banked up against the wall
積もる(つもる) something is piled up
新雪が丘に積もって美しく見える。 The fresh snow looks beautiful on the hill
小道に落ち葉は厚く積もっていた。Leaves lay thick in the lane
積極的(せっきょくてき) activo; asertivo
人々に善行を施すのに積極的であれ。Be active in doing good for people
あの学生はとても積極的だ。That student is very active
彼女は婦人解放運動で積極的な役割をした。She played a part in the women’s liberation movement
彼は積極的なセールスマンの典型だ He is the very model of an aggressive salesman.
面積(めんせき) Área (matemáticas)
三角形の面積を求める。
この都市の面積はどれくらいか。What is the area of the city?
縦横8フィートの部屋の面積は64平方フィートである。A room 8 feet square has an area of 64 square feet.
蓄積(ちくせき)する accumulate
賢明な投資をして彼女は一財産を蓄積した。By investing wisely, she accumulated a fortune
日本の学生は知識を蓄積することは大変得意だ。I think that Japanese students are very good at gathering knowledge.
見積もる(みつもる) estimar (una cantidad)
ざっと見積もって、その仕事は二週間かかるだろう。At a rough estimate, I’d say the job will take two weeks
私たちは損失をおできるだけ正確に見積もった。We estimated the losses as exactly as possible

折 Doblar

訓読み- おる
音読み- セツ
ejemplos
折る(おる) fold or break
私に鶴を折ってもらえますか。Will you make me a paper crane?
折れる(おれる) it folds or breaks (intransitivo)
折れるより曲がれ better bend than break
その鳥の翼は折れていた。La ala del pájaro estaba rota
折り紙(おりがみ) origami (literal doblar papel :v)
骨を折る(ほねをおる) romperse un hueso, literal o usado metafóricamente cuando algo te cuesta trabajo y le pusiste empeño (e.i. partirse la madre cabeza)
彼は子供の救育に非常に骨を折った。He took great pains in educating his children
その少年はそのクイズを解くのに骨を折った The boy took great pains to solve the quiz
君ためにできるだけ骨を折ろう I will do all I can for you
彼は野球の試合で足の骨を折った。Se rompió el hueso de la pierna jugando baseball.
折角(せっかく) palabra que describe que algo te costó trabajo o que se esperó pacientemente.
おっと、せっかく時間前に来たのに、ダベッてたら遅刻しちまう。 Whoa, if we keep chatting, despite actually arriving early, we'll end up late!
あーあ、せっかくお母さんには内緒にしてた計画なのに、もうばれちゃった。Oh no... I tried so hard to keep the plan secret from my mom, but she already found out.
時折(ときおり) from time to time (mas literario que ときどき) Comments de un japo:
会話では、「時々」のほうがよく使われます。 「時折」は、もっと文学的な表現や、上品な表現に使います。
折り返し(おりかえし) do something back
折り返し電話するように伝えます。I’ll tell him to call you back
骨折(こっせつ) Fractura

説 advocate

訓読み- と
音読み- セツ
ejemplos
説明(せつめい) Explicación
伝説(でんせつ) Leyenda
説く(とく) to advocate; proponer; preach
彼は、どこへ出かけていっても、愛、忍耐、そしてとりわけ非暴力を説いた。Everywhere he went, he advocated for love, patience, and most of all, non violence
彼を説いてその計画をやめさせようとしたが無駄だった。I tried to talk him out of the project in vain
彼は私達に健康の重要性を説いた He preached to us about the importance of good health
口説く(くどく) Making a pass at someone >トムは一緒に映画を見に行こうと、彼女を口説いた。Tom convinced her into going to the movies with him
説き伏せる(ときふせる) “convince” by nagging
桂子の両親は彼女を説き伏せて彼とのデートを思いとどまらせた Keiko's parents talked her out of dating him
妻は私を説き伏せて新車を買わせようとした My wife tried to persuade me into buying a new car
彼女は、自分と結婚するよう、彼を説き伏せた。She persuaded him to marry her.
説得(せっとく) persuade someone
彼女を説得しようとしても無駄 It's no use trying to persuade her
セールスマンは両親を説得して百貨辞典を買わせた。The salesman talked my parents into buying a set of encyclopedias
彼女は、数ペニーを節約するために半時間を浪費するなと、彼を説得できなかった。She could not persuade him not to waste half an hour to save a few pennies
相手が「納得」できるように、言葉で説くのが、「説得」。
演説(えんぜつ) speech
彼の演説はとても説得力がある His speech is very eloquent
昨日大統領が言った演説は支持者を喜ばせた。The speech made by the president yesterday delighted his supporters

節 estaciones (comodín)

訓読み- No importa tanto
音読み- セツ
ejemplos
季節(きせつ) Las estaciones del año
節約(せつやく) economize; saving time/money (by not spending as much or by doing more efficiently)
その機械の働きは労働を節約すること The function of the machine is to save work
こうすれば数時間の節約ができます。 In this way you can save several hours
タクシーで行くかわりにバスで行くのは節約になる。It’s more economical to go by bus instead of taking a taxi
バーゲエンセールを利用してお金を節約しよう。Let’s take advantage of the bargain and save money
燃料の節約がこの自動車の大きな特徴だ。Fuel economy is a major distinction of the car
調節(ちょうせつ) Adjustment
このつまみを回すことでテレビの色を調節できます。 You can adjust the color of the TV by turning this knob
この机は子供たちに合わせて高さが調節できる You can adjust this desk to the height of any child
一節(いっせつ) a written passage
その本の一節をノートに書き写した。I copied a passage from the book into my notebook
関節(かんせつ) joint; articulación (bone joints, not weed lol)
右腕の関節脱臼したようです。I’m afraid I dislocated my right arm
左肩の関節が痛みます。The joint of my left shoulder aches
気温が下がると関節が痛むんだ。My joints ache when it gets cold

浅 shallow

訓読み- あさ
音読み- No importa tanto
ejemplos
浅い(あさい) shallow
この川はあそこで浅くなっている。This river become shallow at that point
川はここで浅くなっている。歩いて渡れるよ。The river is shallow here, we can walk across
眠りが浅いのです。I’m a light sleeper

戦 lucha

訓読み- たたか
音読み- セン
ejemplos
戦う(たたかう) battle; batallar; luchar; pushing through a struggle
正義のために戦う I fight in the cause of justice
私は眠気と戦った。I fought against sleep
戦い(たたかい) battle; batalla;struggle; lucha
飢えとの戦い a battle against hunger
彼は率先して公害と戦った。He took thee lead in fighting pollution
戦い抜く(たたかいぬく) to fight to the bitter end
戦闘(せんとう) combate armado
彼はその戦闘で負傷した。He was wounded in the battle
ここの戦闘にっはみな勝っても戦争に負けることがある You can win all the battles yet lose the war
挑戦(ちょうせん) challenge someone or oneself
彼はしばしば挑戦的態度に出る He often takes a defiant attitude towards us
スカイダイビングに挑戦したいのです。I’d like to try out skydiving
もし夢を実現させたいのなら、挑戦を続けなさい。If you want to make your dreams come true, keep on trying
水泳で世界記録に挑戦するつもりだ。I am going to establish a new world record for swimming
兄は何度も試験に挑戦して、最後には合格した My brother tried many times to pass the examination, finally succeeding
運転試験の2度目の挑戦で運転免許をとることができた I got my driver's license on the second time I tried to pass the driver's test
comments de un japo
「戦い」は自分の気持ちに関係なく、相手に勝つために行うことだと思います。
「喧嘩」は、相手が嫌いだったり、相手に対して怒っていることが多く、相手に嫌な思いをさせるためや、自分のうっぷんをはらすために行うことだと思います
「戦闘」は、武器や兵器を使って戦うことだと思います。
作戦(さくせん) Strategy; operation plan; tactics
その軍団は先頭中多くの輝かしい作戦に従事した。The army was involved in a number of brilliant actions during battle
この作戦に対する脅威は数多い The threats to this strategy are numerous

選 choose

訓読み- えら
音読み- セン
ejemplos
選ぶ(えらぶ) elegir
選手(せんしゅ) player (sports)
選択(せんたく)する seleccionar (elegir formal)
選挙(せんきょ) election (política)
選出(せんしゅつ) to be elected; to elect
彼は人民によって選出されたことを誇りに思った He was proud that he was elected by the people
私たちは彼を市長に選出しました。We elected him mayor

然 Nature

訓読み- No importa tanto
音読み- ゼン
ejemplos
全然(ぜんぜん) Absolutely (yes, or no depending on the verb/adjective tense)
当然(とうぜん) Naturally expected; obvious
当然だ、人間はそこまで愚かじゃない Of course, humans are not that stupid
自然(しぜん) Naturaleza
人間は自然の前には無力だ。Humans are powerless before nature
メグの髪は自然にカーツする Meg’s hair curls naturally
突然(とつぜん) abrupto e inesperado
彼女は突然笑い出した。All of a sudden, she began to laugh
偶然(ぐうぜん) Coincidencia
同然(どうぜん) same in nature; pretty much
彼は、人殺しも同然だ。 He is no better than a murderer
警官は凶器を持った強盗の頭を打った。その強盗は即死も同然だった。Police shot the armed robber in the head, he died pretty much instantly
その車は新品同然だ The Car looked good as new
彼の回復は全く奇跡も同然であった。 His recovery was nothing short of a miracle
ジェーンは金槌同然泳げない。Jane nada tal cual martillo (Jane no sabe nadar)
あの占い師は嘘つき同然だ。That fortune-teller is no better than a liar
私たちは兄弟も同然だ。We are like brothers.

争 contender

訓読み- あらそ
音読み- ソウ
ejemplos
争う(あらそう) contender
彼らは賞を目指して争っている They are contending for the prize
私は一等賞をめざして彼と争った I competed with him for the first prize
試合は終始一点を争うシーソーゲームだった The game was one point back and forth the whole game
言い争う(いいあらそう) to quarrel; to dispute; arguing (to reason who is in the right)
彼らと言い争ってみても無駄だ。It’s no good arguing with him (he won’t listen)
その姉妹はいつも言い争ってばかりいた。The two sisters were always quarrelling with each other
争い(あらそい) contienda (en varios contextos)
彼らの争いは誤解に基づくものだ。la contienda entre ellos surgió de un malentendido
財産分与が争いの種だった。La división de la propiedad era el origen de la contienda
その争いの後、双方に多数の死者が出た。Despues de la contienda, había un gran numero de muertos en ambos lados
待ちのほか地域で絵は争いが続けた。In other areas of the city, the fighting continued.
私は争いを避けようとした。I tried to avoid contention.
ポスト争いは激しい。La contienda por el puesto está intensa.
Notas de un japo:
争いは、相手に勝とうとすること 戦いは、相手を倒そうとすること
戦争(せんそう) Guerra
彼はテレビでその戦争の時代的背景を説明した。He explained the political background of the war on tv
競争(きょうそう) Competencia (nuance de carreritas, pero se usa en otros contextos igual)
バスの停留所まで競争しよう。I’ll race you to the bus stop.
ゆっくりと着実なのが競争に勝つ Slow and steady wins the race
我々は海外の業者からの競争に直面している We face competition from foreign suppliers
その会社は競争の激化のあおりを受けて、倒産した。Having fallen victim to increased competition, the company went bankrupt
私たちの会社はライバル企業に金利競争で敗れた。We lost out to our rival in price competition.
彼女は大食い競争で一番になった。She got first prize in the eating contest.
論争(ろんそう) debate; disputa (la versión política de 言い争う) nuance de controversia. Aumentativo: 大論争 (だいろんそう)
ビルは論争が巧みだ。Bill is skillful in arguing and debating
彼の大胆な計画は大きな論争を巻き起こした。His bold plan gave rise to much controversy
新しい学校の建設地については論争があった。There was a controversy about the location of the new school
彼の後継者についての問題はまだ論争中だ。The matter of his successor is still under debate
陪審団による有罪評決が大論争の引き金となった。The jury’s guilty verdict triggered a widespread debate.
私たちは私たちの論争の公平な判定者としてお父さんを選んだ。We chose Father as a neutral judge of our disputes
紛争(ふんそう) Conflicto
紛争のない人間社会はありえない。 There can be no human society without conflict
外交的な対話によって、その紛争に終止符を打つことができた。Diplomatic dialogue helped put an end to the conflict
国家間の紛争は平和的に解決されなければならない。International disputes must be settled peacefully.
核戦争(かくせんそう) Nuclear warfare

倉 Storage

訓読み- くら
音読み- ソウ
ejemplos
倉庫(そうこ) storehouse
車を倉庫に入れなさい。Put the car into the garage
彼は倉庫の警備人として仕事をしている He is working as a security guard at a warehouse
鎌倉時代(かまくらじだい) Kamakura period (1185-1333CE)

巣 Nido

訓読み- す
音読み- ソウ
ejemplos
巣(す) Nido
その鳥は巣の中にいる。Thee bird is in its nest
卵巣(らんそう) Ovarios
精巣(せいそう) Testículos

束 nudo

訓読み- たば
音読み- ソク
ejemplos
束(たば) bundle
彼は小枝を束にした He tied the twigs into bundles
新聞をたばにするのを手伝ってくれ Help me bind the papers into bundles
束ねる(たばねる) anudar; make a bundle
彼女はリボンで髪を束ねた。anudó su cabello con un listón.
彼女は髪を丸く束ねている。She wears her hair in a bun.
彼は、まきを束ねた。He made up a bundle of firewood.
本はひとまとめに束ねてあった。The books were tied up in a bundle.
約束(やくそく) promise
約束を破る break a promise
約束を守る keep a promise
会う約束 appointment; cita
5時半に彼と会う約束がある。I have an appointment with him for five-thirty.

側 side

訓読み- かわ
音読み- No importa tanto
ejemplos
左側(ひだりがわ) left side
米国車のハンドルは左側にある Steering wheels of American cars are on the left side
右側(みぎがわ) right side
アメリカで車は右側通行です In America cars drive on the right side of the road
心臓が右側にあれば異常だ It's abnormal to have the heart on the right side
向こう側(むこうがわ) the other side
その通りの向こう側にホテルがある There's a hotel across the street
外側(そとがわ) the outer side
内側(うちがわ) within
ドアの内側から鍵がかかっていた The door was locked from within
壁は内側が白くて外側は緑である The wall is white within and green outside
窓の内側に男の顔が見えた I saw a man's face inside the window
窓側(まどがわ) the window side
窓側か通路側どちらになさいますか Window or Isle?
窓側の席をお願いします I'd like a window seat, please
反対側(はんたいがわ) the opposite side
「それに、地球の反対側だと考えればそんなに高くはないわよ」と言う "Besides," she says, "it doesn't cost much when you think it's the other side of the world

続 continue

訓読み- つづ
音読み- ゾク
ejemplos
続ける(つづける) I keep doing it
続く(つづく) it continues happening
続き(つづき) continuation. En anime sale al final del episodio tipo “to be continued”
相続(そうぞく) heredar
ジョンは莫大な財産を相続した John inherited a large fortune
彼は父親の大きな土地を相続した He succeeded to his father's large property
彼の親戚たちは、当然自分が彼の莫大な財産を相続すると思った His relatives took it for granted that they would inherit the bulk of his wealth
続々(ぞくぞく) uno tras otro; (quickly)one after the other
劇場から続々と人が出て来た。A stream of people came out of the theatre
今私家の付近に住宅が続々立っている。En mi vecindario se están construyendo viviendas una tras otra.
手続き(てつづき) procedure
とても時間がかかるから空港での手続きに従うのは好きじゃない I dislike going through customs at the airport because it takes so long
ビザを入手する手続きはどうしたらいいですか What is the procedure for getting a visa
銀行融資を受けたいのだけど手続きはどしたらいいの I'd like to get a bank loan, but how do I go about that
私はニューヨークへ飛んだとき2時間前に搭乗手続きをとるようにと言われた When I flew to New York, I was told to check in two hours before my flight
継続(けいぞく) proceed; to carry on
科学者はその研究を継続することを強く要求した The scientist insisted on proceeding with the research
交渉を継続することで合意しました We have agreed to continue the negotiations
討論を継続することを動議します noción para proseguir la discusión
裁判は10日間継続して行われた The trial lasted for ten consecutive days

卒 Graduacion

訓読み- No tiene
音読み- ソツ
ejemplos
卒業式(そつぎょうしき) Ceremonia de graduación.

孫 Descendencia

訓読み- まご
音読み- ソン
ejemplos
孫(まご) grandchild
彼は孫達に囲まれて座っていました。He sat surrounded by his grandchildren
子孫(しそん) Descendencia
子孫に綺麗な、緑の地球を残したい。We want to leave our descendants a clean green earth
孫悟空(そんごくう) Son Gokú :v

帯 móvil

訓読み- おび
音読み- タイ
ejemplos
帯(おび) obi; cinturón tradicional de kimonos
携帯(けいたい) cellphone (abreviación de 携帯電話). Portar (un arma). Traer algo consigo; carry
最近の女子高生は、携帯でメールしているらしい。Lately high school girls are using their phones to exchange e-mail.
アメリカ人は武器の携帯を許されている。Americans have the right too bear arms
この電子辞書は携帯しやすいところが味噌です The good thing about this electronic dictionary is that it’s easy to carry
警官は笛を携帯している。The policeman carries a whistle
包帯(ほうたい) bandages
その看護婦が私頭に、やさしいく包帯を巻いてくれた。The nurse put a bandage gently around my head.
母はジムの切り傷に包帯をした。Mother put a bandage on Jim’s cut.
地帯(ちたい) zona
兵隊達は全員その地帯の地図を持っていた The soldiers were all supplied with a map of the zone
ツンドラ地帯の気候は厳しい。The tundra has a harsh climate
熱帯雨林(ねったいうりん) tropical reinforest

隊 Army squad

訓読み- No tiene :D
音読み- タイ
ejemplos
軍隊(ぐんたい) Army
部隊(ぶたい) unit in the army; army team
私は特殊部隊に勤務する。I work in a special unit
隊長(たいちょう) comandante
兵隊(へいたい) soldado
自衛隊(じえいたい) Japan’s Army

達 reach

訓読み- たち
音読み- タツ
ejemplos
友達(ともだち) Amigo
私達(わたしたち) We
配達(はいたつ) delivery
手紙は毎日配達されます Letters are delivered every day
彼は孤児院にその包みを配達した He delivered the package to the orphanage
私の仕事はバイクでピザを配達することだった My work was to deliver pizza by motorcycle
達人(たつじん) un master; un chingón :v
彼は水泳の達人だ el es un master en la natación
達する(たっする) reach
討論は結論に達した。The discussion came to a conclusion
そのレベルにはまだ達していません I haven't reached the level yet.
そのレベルにはまだ達していません He quit the company before he reached his retirement age.
水は彼の腰の所まで達した The water came up to his waist
彼の声は私たちの耳まで達した His voice reached our ears
先生の言葉が心に達する。 Sensei’s words reached my heart
Nota de un japo:
達する is "reach" in an abstract sense, ie, "Sales reached our quarterly goals," "The number of deaths reached 1,000."
届く is "arrive at" in a physical sense, ie, "The package arrived this morning."

単 Simple

訓読み- No importa tanto
音読み- タン
ejemplos
簡単(かんたん) Simple
単に(たんに) merely; simply
彼は単に好奇心からそれをしただけだ。He did it simply out of curiosity
知恵というものは単に事実を知っているだけではない。Wisdom does not consist of only facts
彼は読むふりをしていたとわかった。I could tell he was merely pretending to read
単語(たんご) Palabra; (vocabulary) word
辞書で単語を調べる Look up the word in the dictionary
単位(たんい) Meaning 1: Unit. Meaning 2: College credits
家族は社会の基本的な単位である The family is the basic unit of society.
センチメートルは長さの単位だ Centimiters are a unit of length
ガソリンはリットル単位で売られる Gasoline is sold by the liter
トマトは1ポンド単位で売られる tomatoes are sold by th pound
靴は一足単位で売られる。Los zapatos se venden por par
私は週単位で支払われる。Me pagan por semana
この科目は何単位ですか。How many credits is this course?
例えば、私は、来年進学する大学の単位が実際にもらえる数学の上級クラスにいます。For example, I am in a high-level math class that actually gives me college credits for next year.
単純(たんじゅん) the simple kind of X as opposed to the complicated kind (not rude). Also, simple-minded, mouth-breathing person (pretty rude).
単なる(たんなる) mere
私はそれは単なる偶然だと思う I think it is a mere coincidence
彼は単なる愚か者でしかない He is nothing but a fool
それは単なる冗談だよ It is a mere joke
彼は単なる利己主義者に過ぎない El no es nada mas que un mero egoísta
単調(たんちょう) Monotonous
私は単調な生活に飽きた。I'm tired of the monotonous life.
芸術は我々の生活の単調さを破ってくれる。Art breaks the monotony of our life.

置 ponedejar

訓読み- お
音読み- チ
ejemplos
置く(おく) ponedejar
彼女はテーブルの上に皿を置いた She set the tray down on the table
机の上に本が置いてある Un libro fue puesto sobre el escritorio
コンサートのチケットを買っておけば良かった hubiera dejado el boleto comprrado
置き忘れる(おきわすれる) dejar olvidado
彼女はとても慌てていたので電車に傘を置き忘れてしまった 彼女はとても慌てていたので電車に傘を置き忘れてしまった
トムは不注意にもバスにカメラを置き忘れた Tom was so careless as to leave his camera in the bus
どうやら電車の中で傘を置き忘れてきたらしい I seem to have left my umbrella behind in the train
放って置く(ほうっておく) dejar en paz; dejar por su cuenta
「私のことはほっておいて」と彼女は怒って "Leave me alone," she said angrily
どうか、私をほっておいてください Please leave me alone
その問題はほっておけ Let the problem alone
ほうっておけば落ち着くよ Let him alone. He'll soon come around by himself
彼はその仕事に飽きて、やりかけたままでほっておいた He got tired of the work, and left it half-done
置き換える reemplazar
現在のバージョンは、アップグレード版で置き換えます We will replace the current version with the upgrade
戦争は私たちの幸せを奪い取って、代わりに恐怖で置きかえたのよ。War has taken away our happiness and replaced it with horror.
中国では漢字の字数が多いから 複雑な繁体字をやめて覚えやすい簡体字に置き換え、識字率を高めることが簡体字推進の目的でした。In China, there is a large number of characters, so the goal of the character simplification was to replace the complex traditional characters with easy to remember simplified characters and increase the literacy rate.
位置(いち) posición 学校は健康的な環境に位置している La escuela está posicionada en un ambiente sano
日本は北半球に位置する Japan is located in the Northern Hemisphere
標識はエスカレーターの位置を示している The sign indicates the location of the escalator
選手達はみな位置についていた All the players were in position
装置(そうち) dispositivo; equipment; device
昨日その装置でちょっとした問題があった。We had a little trouble with the equipment yesterday.
これは電気を作る装置だ this device produces electricity
僕はバイク盗難防止装置を買いました。Compré un dispositivo anti-robos para mi bicicleta
措置(そち) medidas (para lidiar con un problema)
政府はインフレに対するために強硬な措置をとった The government adopted strong measures to fight inflation
政府は感染の拡大を未然に防ぐための適切な措置を取らなかった The government didn't take appropriate measures to prevent the infection from spreading
処置(しょち) course of action
どういう処置を取るかはあなたに任せます I leave it in your hands what course of action to take
早急な処置が必要だ Prompt action is necessary
私たちは必要な処置を講じた We took the necessary course of action
放置(ほうち) dejar descuidado; leave unattended; dejar sin supervisión
注意!窒息する危険があります。これらのバックは乳幼児の近くに放置しないでください。Warning! Risk of suffocation. To avoid danger don't keep it near babies.
インターネットにおける”荒らし”が人に迷惑をかけないようにするためには、何もせずに放置しておけば良いのだ。彼らに”エサ”を与えてはならない。Para hacer que los trolls de internet no molesten no hay que hacer nada, sino dejar de hacer algo. No alimentes a los trolls.
トムは急いでいたので、ベッドを直さず、放置した。Tom was in a hurry so he left his bed unmade.
駅の近くの歩道には何処に行ってもおびただしい数の自転車が放置されているのが見かけられる Wherever you go, you see a lot of bicycles left on sidewalks near stations
雨の中に放置しておくと自転車はさびるでしょう。A bicycle will rust if you leave it in the rain

仲 Nakama

訓読み- なか
音読み- No importa tanto
ejemplos
仲がいい(なかがいい) se llevan bien
彼らは近所の人たちと仲がよい ellos se llevan bien con sus vecinos
仲間(なかま) aliado, alguien con tus mismos objetivos; compañía
仲間たちが私に野望そ果たすよう励ましてくれた。My comrades encouraged me to fulfill my ambitions
彼は悪い仲間につかまった He fell among bad companions
人は交わる仲間によって知られるということができよう It may be said that a man is known by the company he keeps
仲直り(なかなおり) hacer las pases; reconciliación
彼女は友達と仲直りした。Se reconcilió con su amigo
仲良し(なかよし) a good friend
私はビルと仲良しです。I’m good friends with bill
仲違い(なかたがい) conflicto; disentimiento; choque con alguien
前月仲違いして以来カレンにはあって行けない I haven’t seen Karen since we fell out last month.
些細な喧嘩でえ仲違いしないでおこう Don’t let a little quarrel come between us

貯 ahorrar

訓読み- たくわ
音読み- チョ
ejemplos
貯める(ためる) ahorrar
金を貯める ahorrar dinero
貯金(ちょきん) los ahorros; el dinero ahorrado
彼は毎週10ドルを貯金している He puts ten dollars aside every week
彼女は100ドル貯金した She saved a hundred dollars
万が一の場合に備えて貯金するのは賢明だ。It is wise to save money for a rainy day.
彼は老後に備えて貯金した。He saved money for his old age.
医者の費用は本当に貯金に食い込む。 Doctors’ bills really cut into our saving
彼は貯金を増やした。He added to his savings.
車を買うために貯金をしている I’m saving money for a car.
貯金箱にはお金は全く残っていなかった。 None of the money was left in the money box.
貯蓄(ちょちく) patrimonio (financial asset (money, gold, stock, government bond etc)
いつかは君も貯蓄の重要さを悟るようになるだろう Some day you will come to realize the importance of saving
老後を安心して暮らしたかったら今から貯蓄を始めなさい If you want security in your old age, begin saving now
まさかのときには貯蓄に頼ればよい If you want security in your old age, begin saving now

兆 presagio

訓読み- きざ
音読み- チョウ
ejemplos
兆し(きざし) Indicación visual; Señal
まだ目に見える春の兆しはなかった。There were still no visual signs of spring.
その建物は老朽の兆しを見せている。The building exhibits signs of dilapidation
その両国間に緊張が高まりつつある兆しがある There are signs of growing tensions between the two countries
彼の事業もやっとほう芽の兆しを見せた。his business has begun to thrive at last
彼は糖尿病のどんな兆しにも注意していた He was watchful for any sign of diabetes
前兆(ぜんちょう) augurio
あの雲は雨の前兆だ That cloud bodes rain
兆候(ちょうこう) síntoma (el efecto en causa y efecto)
食欲が急に減退するのは病気の兆候であることがある。Sudden decrease in appetite is sometimes a sign of illness.
労働力不足の発生は経済の過熱兆候とみられている The emerging labor shortage is viewed as a symptom of economic overhearing
submitted by Zalogon to KanjiEntendible [link] [comments]


2020.03.28 16:03 TomAto314 Post Pull Depression - FMA? More like FML.

Hello and welcome to Post Pull Depression the only thread with an anime original ending!
Oh wait, that’s not it. Hold on...
Hello and welcome to Post Pull Depression The Movie the only thread that now takes place in WWII and has airplanes which I still don't really understand!
Nope not that either. Let me see here.
Hello and welcome to Post Pull Depression Brotherhood the only thread that’s doing it for real now!
Phew! This is almost as bad as when Blue Exorcist came back with another season that completely pretended like the last 8 episodes just never happened. Anime needs to get its shit together!
Alright, so I have watched all of FMA and FMAB but it was years ago when it came out which was 2004 and 2009 respectively. Now, generally when something like this happens I would go and rewatch it or research it so I can shitpost properly. But I’m not going to do that. Instead you are just going to get my hazy recollection of the show and characters. Will it be correct, maybe. Maybe it will contain spoilers! Who knows?
Let’s take a look at the units!

Winry RockbellLosery Rockbell

2x the trope 2x the fun
Winry is the girl next door and I believe a tsundere? I think her LB confirms that.
Domestic Violence Furious Wrench Throw
Ha ha ha. It’s funny because she hits him and it’s ok to hit guys!
TMR: Wench
Winry's Wrench - ATK+18, DEF+20
Not content just being a tropey love interest she was also the mechanic for Ed as well. I bet her services cost an arm and a leg! Ha! I bet no one else has ever made that joke!
Still, 18 ATK is really low for a weapon but I mean what else would a wrench be?
ACCESSORY 
I’m sorry, what? I’ve let a lot of things go whether hairpins are hats or accessories. But I will NOT allow a wrench to be a fucking ACCESSORY! "Oh hey, that's a really cute wrench you're wearing it goes great with your dress!" NO!

Depression: BATHTUB

I know I said I wasn’t going to research any of this, but I could not remember what her original outfit was before she changed her job class to Thief. This of course led to a google image search which quickly led me to a bathtub scene. None of this out of the ordinary of course… but that led to:
Anime Bath Scene Wiki
I love the internet!

Riza HawkeyeRiza Hawkbutt

Secretary Gun Girl
This blondie (goddamn does this show like blond people) was like First Lieutenant or Aide-de-camp or some position safe for a woman to be in so the men can still have all the power.
Roy's Adjutant - Increase HP and MP (20%); Increase resistance to paralyze and confuse (100%)
That sounds right. What is the difference between an adjutant and an aide-de-camp?
Adjutant - a large black-and-white stork with a massive bill and a bare head and neck, found in India and Southeast Asia.
Hmm. Probably should have chosen definition 1 first.
Adjutant - a military officer who acts as an administrative assistant to a senior officer.
So a secretary.
Aide-de-camp - a military officer acting as a confidential assistant to a senior officer.
So a prostitute.
TMR: Eye of the Hawk
The Hawk's Eye - Increase MP (25%); Increase ATK (40%) when equipped with a gun
Hmm, her name is Hawkeye and she has a gun and is very good at shooting. That’s an amazing coincidence. Very similar to an anime I’m working on starring Sniper McSniperface and yes, he’s a sniper… with a TRAGIC BACKSTORY.

Depression: DOG

I did see her win animation has a dog in it which sounds familiar. But no, it is not “that” dog.
Love for Black Hayate - Auto-cast Regen (Auto) at the start of a battle or after being revived
Pretty sure Black Hayate is the dog and not FFBE’s Hayate in blackface. Which would be wrong. Don’t do that, Hayate!

Roy MustangRoy Horse

The Fire Glove Guy
This was the “cool” guy who did the big fire stuff. Was he always smoking a cigarette? I might be conflating him with Hijikata from Gintama. I am fairly certain that Roy was not obsessed with mayonnaise.
TMR: Pyrotex Condoms
Roy's Pyrotex Gloves - Accessory, MAG+52, Enable Keep Dry
Well at least it’s not just “Roy’s Gloves.” They added an extra word, that’s extra effort on Goomie’s part you should buy a bundle to reward them! These gloves had the alchemy symbols on them so he could “cheat” and not draw the symbol each time. Kinda seems like something obvious everyone should have been doing.
What does Keep Dry do? I assume it gives water resistance?
Increase MAG (20%), Increase fire resistance (30%)
Ah I see, the dryer it gets the less likely it is to set on fire…
STMR: Libya… Libya… Libya
Ishval's Hero - Increase MAG (60%), Increase fire resistance (80%), Increase magic damage against demons (50%)
Ishval… Ishval… Was that that shithole country that was pseudo middle-east? Didn’t it have some dude who tore apart shit with his hands? He was like the “bad guy” then you realized he was just a good guy with a TRAGIC BACKSTORY?

Depression:

I seriously don’t remember anything about Roy other than fire gloves, may or may not smoke a pack a day, was a State Alchemist (but not high enough to automatically be a bad guy) and had blonde girl as his secretary.

Halftime!

Wow, when was the last time we actually had a halftime during PPD? How many fucking units are there? 6? That’s partially why I am phoning this one in.
Did you know that the Valkyrie Profile mobile game also did a FMA collab? It was not good. I’m actually still shocked that VPA is around to be honest.

Bradley

Eyepatch soldier dude
So I’m not quite sure if I would have remembered that he was really a bad guy if I didn’t get spoiled on a recent post. He is high up on the military chain though so that pretty much equals instant bad guy so we all should have seen it coming.
His true form is Wrath one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I do not like that anime. I was basically forced to watch it since one of my work friends really likes it, but he has bad taste in everything part of why we’re friends. It’s just another show with an overpowered MC with a TRAGIC BACKSTORY but what bothers me the most is actually surprising. He molests the shit out of the busty heroine girl. Now, I am not a prude. I’ll sit there watching tentacle raep and get upset when there’s still places those tentacles can go. But when I’m watching a “real” show and the MC doesn’t just have those ecchi moments but full on shoves his face in her crotch while fondling her… that’s just gross. And it’s even grosser because she’s apparently the reincarnation of his dead lover whom he’s watched over since she was a baby. How did you make that even creepier?
TMR: Eye eye sir!
King Bradley's Eyepatch - Hat ATK+45, Evade+10%
Yes, an eyepatch that gives evade. But what I think should be mentioned is that this eyepatch is holding back his true power. Thus Bradley is a confirmed chuunibyou.
Also, this is the only headgear with 10% evade. So if you don't give a shit at all about FMA, use your free tickets on this banner and consider popping a moogle prism for it!
STMR: Sword of Wrath of Kahn
Sword of Wrath - ATK+176, ATK/DEF+30%
Oh shit, he’s Wrath? I wrote Pride up top, let me go fix that. Done. Now you’ll never know! Who was Pride then? Oh that’s the raid boss, that’s why I had it stuck in my brain.

Depression: QUADRUPLE RAINBOW

It wasn’t enough having three rainbows. They gotta go and add a 4th GLEX rainbow to the event. At least it’s on two separate banners though? Fuck you if you wanted just Bradley and Alphonse! Maybe you wanted just Ed and Roy? Either way enjoy your Winry and Reiz.

Alphonse ElricThe FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

Knight in Shining Armor From a Long Time Ago…
Hey everybody look, it’s a giant dude in full armor. This must be the FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST right? Not that pipsqueak little kid next to him! I’m sure this joke won’t get done to death in the show.
So the premise of the show (this is like episode 1 spoilers here) is that Ed and Al’s mom died. And the one thing you are not supposed to do with alchemy is bring back the dead, so what did they try to do of course? They just accepted that fact and lived out normal lives while missing their mom on occasion. End of show. Of course that’s not what happened! They decided to bring her back and since the law of equivalent exchange demands something in return it kinda sorta took Ed’s arm and leg and Al’s entire body leaving him just a soul in an empty suit of armor. Now they journey to CTRL-Z the whole thing.
TMR: Sage’s Stone
Philosopher's Stone Seeker - Increase ATK/DEF (40%), HP/MP Refresh
You can’t have a show about alchemy and not include the Philosopher's Stone. The philosopher's stone stories actually date back to ancient greece and is said to be the secret material needed to make a Harry Potter book.
STMR: Meow
Alphonse's Shoulder Plate - Accessory DEF+60, SPR+60, 3 LB per turn
This enables Big Cat Lover. Does that mean he only loves big cats? What about small cats? This does remind me of the nursery by my house that puts up a banner occasionally that says “giant plant sale” and I’m still honestly not sure if it’s a giant sale or a sale on giant plants!

Depression: SISSY BOY

I'll admit it, I never really liked Al. Bit too much of a sissy boy for my tastes. You'd think he'd be able to "cheat" and use alchemy like his brother, but nope he's just sitting there drawing circles with chalk.
I'm probably being a bit unfair, what is he like 12 when this shit happens? Not that that's an excuse since all Pokemon trainers start at age 10.

Edward ElricThe FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

He’s short and should be mocked for that because being short is bad
Is it finally the last unit? I’m tired of this already and I highly doubt anyone is reading this mess by this point. Ed is the actual Fullmetal Alchemist and an official State Alchemist. He’s able to perform alchemy without drawing the satanic symbols because he entered cheat codes saw a gate.
Ed often uses his alchemy to transmute his prosthetic “auto-mail” arms and legs into melee weapons. Because when you think of a show about alchemy ninja-esque fight scenes are likely your first thought.
TMR: I'm tired of doing this...
Edward's Cloak - Clothes, ATK+28, DEF+42, SPR+32, Fire/WateWind/Earth Resist+20%
Going back to ancient Greeks they believed that the world consisted of four elements: fire/watewind/earth. This is not a bad take. A little cliched, but you can’t blame people from 450 BC for that. I think FFBE has it right with 8 elements. Although I’m always a little iffy on if water and ice should be different elements. It makes sense when you think that fire is weak against water but should be strong against ice. Still though, they are very close to each other.
STMR: Knowing is half the battle
Knowledge of the Truth - Increase ATK/DEF (50%); Increase fire, water, wind and earth resistance (60%)
Pop quiz! How many “Knowledge of the…” do we have now? Answer: Only four I thought it would be more.

Depression: BURN DOWN THE HOUSE

Before they set off on their journey they came to the wonderful conclusion that they should burn down their house for the melodramatic reason that this gives them nowhere to return to and they must complete their mission. But that’s really just dumb. They could have rented it out, or donated it to war orphans or something like that. Plus, this just sets a bad example to children to burn down your house before you leave. I’m definitely going to warn all the parent groups to not let their children watch this show.

Post Pull Depression

Well here we are at another collab. I guess the discussion has pretty much been done to death by now whether collabs are worth pulling for or not. Personally, I say don’t pull no matter what unless you are a gigantic fan. Of course, Goomie can always just come out and say “yes, collabs will get enhancements and latents in due time” which would make these banners much more enticing. I mean it’s not like they’d do something like promise someone a 7* form and then not deliver on it two years later!
See ya next banner!
submitted by TomAto314 to FFBraveExvius [link] [comments]


2020.02.17 21:51 Panda_Tech_Support The Treatment of Aaron Nelms: Part 1

The Treatment of Aaron Nelms:
By Carlos Pandiella

My name is Marcus Taylor. I work, or rather I worked, as a research assistant to Dr. Elizibeth Ford here at the Colton Institute. If you are listening to this, then you either work for the hospital as I do, or you came across this recording by some other means. Either by chance or on purpose, it really doesn’t matter. At least I got it out. If you know Aaron Nelms or have heard of him, please let his family know what I am about to tell you. In fact, if you know any of the patients at the Colton Institute, please...get them out. Talk to their families if they have any. They should know the danger that these people are in. The danger I am in.
It’s half-past nine and the rain outside is coming down hard tonight. I wanted to have more time to explain things properly, to really make you believe what I have to say. Yet, with things as they are, these scraps of notes are all I can offer. The power will be going out again soon with the storm moving in. Once that happens, I can’t really say if I will be able to get more than this out. This message will have to do.
I have locked myself in one of the empty office rooms. I pushed some of the furniture by the door as a makeshift barrier. If I am wrong, then everything should be fine for me by morning. However, I can hear something down the hall that makes me think I am far from wrong. I don’t exactly know what is in the hall right now, it could just be another person. Yet no one else is supposed to be in this area at night. It’s true, it could just be one of the doctors coming into the office late. Yet, it’s not likely in this weather. Not to mention, the sound of movement is off. It’s like there is only one person out there...but it sounds like movement from far too many sets of legs. Too many footfalls and much too quickly.
Alright, I think things are quiet now for the most part. The rain is hitting pretty hard now. Some places get snow in January, but not here in Louisiana. We get this cold torrent of rain instead. I never did get accustomed to this state’s weather. I only moved here because I thought I could really make a change for the better with the work they were doing here at Colton. I thought I could change the world someday. I was wrong.
I worked with a grad team on a project dealing with Alzheimer's prior to this. We thought we had found promising results that would let us slow down the effects brought about by the disease. It was not a cure, but something that could buy time for someone suffering from it. Here at the Colton institute, I was advised they were working on something even more profoundly progressive. Something even better than a cure to stop the process. There was talk of a method that was able to actually reverse the effects even in people that were on the final spirals of the illness. That sounded nearly impossible to me at first, but I was definitely interested in the prospect of being involved with such possible groundbreaking research.
Thus, I pushed and fought for the right contacts and security clearances to make myself available for a chance at the job. The Colton Institute is a privately run medical research facility that lived off government contract money. Eventually, I greased the right wheels and showed enough talent to get a shot at the job, which I obviously got. God, what mistake that was. If I had known then what I do now, I would have probably given up on life itself.
I have worked here for the past two years and generally enjoyed that time in strides. I was able to learn more in that time than all of my previous academic or professional pursuits. It was only in the past few months however that I became privy to the more “drastic” research being conducted under the building. If you don’t know anything about Louisiana, then only half of that might seem odd. You see here on the outskirts of New Orleans, where the Colton Institute is located, there are no underground facilities. Or rather, they are very rare. The soil is too damp and the water table too high to actually make a basement or anything like it a feasible design.
Yet, here at Colton, there is a fully operational research facility underneath the main building. It’s not particularly large in reference to the main site, but it has enough to get work done away from the light of prying eyes. I made a good name for myself and was also known for keeping my nose clear of problems. This bought me a golden ticket so to say with Dr. Ford who ran the lower facility. I still remember being so proud of myself when she asked me to join her personal research staff. I didn't know what they were working on at the time, but the woman was a rock star in the building. A spectacularly brilliant asset to her field. I was overjoyed to have a chance to learn from her.
I did find it odd back then when she stated I had to come back in after-hours to tour her lab. It was around seven at night when I came in. Just about everyone had gone home right at five so it was pretty much empty. Doctor Ford met me in the main lobby and walked me to a room that seemed to be set aside for spare parts and other maintenance needs. Near the back of the room stood a large walk-in storage container that had three locks on the front, (one of which was a fingerprint reader). I watched as she provided all the needed security measures asked to clear the door. I was rather impressed by the whole thing, to be honest. I felt like I was more important simply by just being asked to walk through a door with such fancy mechanics. I was a smiling idiot.
As I followed the Doctor through the container door, I was at once surprised to see we were heading towards a stairwell and a deep one at that. Again, this is not a common option here in New Orleans at all where even the dead are entombed above ground. We descended the stairs to her lab and I was amazed by what she had down there. On one side of the room was a set of three operating tables along with two very advanced micro MRI machines. A various assortment of surgical tools dotted the area ready to be used. There was also a set of flat-screen monitors set up as a monitoring station as well. From here Dr. Ford could see the entire above-ground facility as well as out into the parking lot. I never asked about it at the time, but I think there were even cameras setup at some residences as well. Now I am under the impression they were set up without the knowledge of anyone living in those homes. Almost like she was checking up on released projects.
Good God, her “projects”. I told you the Colton Institute was gearing up for advanced medical breakthroughs in Alzheimer's but that was just the softcover for everything else. The “real” work being done here is quite altogether apart from that.
You see, the other side of her room downstairs held something else. There were five holding pens or cages really. At that time, there was nothing inside of them. I asked right away, more with my eyes than my voice really. Doctor Ford said they were just temporary arrangements until other more comfortable methods could be utilized. I wanted to ask more questions about what I was seeing. I thought I spotted something like dried blood in one of the cages. Right there, right then I could have spoken up or gone to someone. Yet, instead, I let it fall back into the naive ideals of dreams to come.
In the weeks to come, I was asked to work on various aspects of her research. The other members of her staff were welcoming and kind in all regards. Yet, somehow they all seemed to be keeping their collective distance from me in some way. I could not pin it down at the time, but there was definitely something there under the surface of it all. Still, I kept on with my work as nothing was wrong. Initially, I was only going over progress reports of patients that were undergoing special treatment from Doctor Ford’s advanced therapy process. From what I was putting together, some of the patients were doing remarkably well. One, in particular, a woman named Cara Holmes had even seemed to be a prominent case for possible full regression.
I had never seen any work being done on these patients up to that point. Then, two weeks ago we had some sort of accident. Matthew, one of the other members of Ford’s staff was badly hurt. From what I was told, he was in a car wreck on the way to work and was injured quite badly. I had never met him but was advised he worked late shifts for Ford. This unexpected accident left her short-handed. As such, Doctor Ford wanted to bring me closer to direct work with a procedure she was conducting that night. She said that this was earlier than she expected to bring me to this stage. I was not sure what to expect but I was more than a little excited to be closer to the action as it were. As I went down the same set of stairs again, I could feel this rush of hot fetid air rolling over me. There was a loud set of clicking noises as I got to the bottom. When I walked into that research room I nearly threw up right away. I was not ready for that sight on the floor.
Doctor Ford yelled at me to run over and help one of the other staff members. He was trying to get a harness of some sort clasped onto this man on the floor. The man, he was a mess. His arms and legs were bent backward into a mockery of the human form. His neck bulged at the base with a violent force. It looked like something was about to burst forth. His face was a mass of reddish flesh with dark veins showing prominently. His auburn beard seemed singed and curled in some spots. The heat, good lord the heat. The closer I got to the man the more I could feel the air heat up. It was like every bit of the man was emanating a deep heat from within. The staff member with the restraints in hand, John, looked at me to help. I did what I could, but damn if that whole scene didn't have me shaking.
Eventually, we got the heated contorted man into one of the holding cages. John went to shut the door to the holding cage. As he did, one of the odd limbs of the patient shot out with terrible force and grabbed onto his arm. The patient let out a gurgled slog of spit and thick mucus all over John’s uniform. He let out a scream as the patient seemingly crushed his wrist. He pushed with all his weight and slammed the door closed on the man’s arm. I was too scared to do anything but watch. John slammed the door over and over on the ugly extremity latched on to him.
Finally, it let go and slunk back into the confines of the cage. All the while spitting out wet stinking clots of vile fluid onto the floor. John locked the door with multiple mechanisms to ensure the patient would not get out. Even so, he backed away quickly as to not risk another attack. After seeing this event and how mangled John’s arm was, I quickly began to doubt the nature of the car accident I was fed earlier. Somehow it seemed much more plausible that this “patient” was the cause of whatever damage befell Matthew.
Minutes later Doctor Ford took me into her upstairs office to talk as John went to patch himself up. She tried her best to calm me down with rational logical explanations for everything. To her credit, it was working but only on the surface. She explained to me that the man in confinement below was a special case and they were tasked with trying to help him out of his delusions brought about by various defects in his brain. His odd appearance was due to the unfortunate side effects of previous treatments at another facility. At some level, past her calm demeanor and educated poise, I could feel the insulting amount of crap she was shoveling at me. Yet, again I just sat there and smiled as I ate it up. Everything about that room downstairs screamed at my conscience. She seemed happy with my perceived obedience and told me that we would do our best to help everyone here.
All the while she was talking, all I could think about was that grotesque thing spilling onto the floor below us. I drove home that night trying to understand what I was supposed to do. What did I actually see down there? It was just a sick man I told myself. I tried to keep it together in my head. I had after all seen deeply disturbed patients at other facilities before. Nothing like what I saw that night of course. I went to bed that night staring into the television trying to tell myself that it was nothing. It was just a sick man, nothing else. I tried to keep that lie strong. It worked for a few days but it wasn’t meant to last.
Doctor Ford had me working more and more in her lower lab after that. Every day I went down those stairs felt horrible. Each step down closer and closer to that man in the cage. He seemed to become more and more docile each time, yet that made him seem even worse. The bulge in his neck had become more of a strange depression under his skin. It glowed slightly with a dim yellow light. His arms and legs were still set in their ugly disjointed orientation. It never got better to look at those faulted things. I would help John take a blood test from the man at times and at others try to get him to talk to us. He never did say anything aside from that nasty gurgles. Then one day, he was just gone. John told me he had been moved to somewhere more secure. I didn't question it as I was relieved to be apart from that nightmare.
John didn't seem to care one way or another. John...something about him didn't sit right with me either. He was a research assistant for Doctor Ford, like me. Yet, he looked like he was built for war and ready for it at all times. I don’t just mean he worked out a lot. It was something in his mannerism, the look in his eyes, or the way he moved. If I didn't know any better I would say the man was hired more for muscle than science. This is just speculation on my part, but I am confident that John is current or prior military of some sort. Guess speculation does not matter now though. Not at this point.
Two days ago I was asked to evaluate the status of a new patient that was being admitted. Doctor Ford said she wanted me to observe the man to see how severe his condition was. I would be using a quiz to try and get analytical data to use for my research. Just a bit past noon on Tuesday this gentleman arrived into processing. He was restrained and confined to a room in the upper facility at once. I asked about the restraints and was advised he was being very cooperative but it was a simple preventative measure. Seemingly, the gentleman in question had been experiencing hallucinations that caused him to have violent outbursts. This man’s name was Aaron Nelms. This man is the reason I can no longer take part in the work being done here at the Colton Institute. His treatment, his “medicine” as the good doctor called it, is what might be moving around in the halls tonight.
I went to see Aaron too interview him and gather notes for the trails to come. Doctor Ford had provided me with a set of questions she wanted me to go through with him. I was put off by the idea of talking to him on account of the possible outburst, but he was unable to move past his bed. Not to mention his arms were strapped down. I walked into the room and took a seat at a table. I was only about five feet from the gentleman. He looked at me with tired eyes and sighed as I sat down. He knew I was there to ask him questions that he must have already answered over and over with other professionals. I introduced myself and made it clear I was not there to judge, only to try and understand what he was going through.
It took some time for him to start talking to me. It almost seemed like he was trying to verify if I was real before allowing himself to talk. Eventually, he started to answer my questions with increasing comfort. The starting questions were all very basic. What was his name, who are his parents, how old he was? I then started to probe deeper into his issues to see what the extent of his hallucinations might be. Aaron looked at me with an almost fearful expression like the concept of talking about them would bring them upon us.
I directly asked him what he would see when they came. He looked dead into my eyes and said that they don’t come anymore. He said they stopped leaving. That they were always here now. This cryptic answer didn't tell me much, but It did pique my interest as to what was triggering the violence noted in his file. I wanted to go a bit off the notes and ask him more about his personal life, family, work, ambitions. I was looking for something that could tell me more as to what caused the episodes in the first place.
As I did, John came into the room. He looked a bit riled. He asked me why I was asking so many personal questions for the subject. I spoke up saying that I was trying to get more information for the Doctor, as well as advising John that the “subject” had a name. John’s attitude was almost combative at my response. He told me that I needed to stick to the allowed notes and do as commanded. He used that term, “commanded”. I can’t lie, John scared me a bit already but something in his movements there made me feel like I was in real danger. I gave a sheepish apology and told him I would try to keep it directly on the book from now on. He told me to take a break and head out for lunch. I told him I could continue, that I wasn’t even hungry. Yet, as he looked back at me I could tell it was not a suggestion. I gathered my things and left the room. As I did, there was a sinking feeling in my gut that something foul was happening.
Walking out of the building another thought hit me. John’s arm was bare and exposed in that room. The same arm that the gnarled looking patient below had ripped at just a few nights ago. It was clean. No sign of damage at all. How was that possible I thought? I remember the blood and rent flesh I saw that night. That mess was clear now. There was just no way he could have healed that fast. There would be scars from that. I tried to make sense of it by telling myself that he must have used some kind makeup to cover it...but no, that just didn't seem right either. It was just another in a series of doubts and lies that I was pushing down.
Later that day, I went to see Dr. Ford about the matter. I spoke up about how John seemed to be rather aggressive and forceful in his approach. She told me that I should not worry about it. Instead, she suggested that I be appreciative of his strength as it comes in handy with some of the more “unruly” individuals that come here. She quickly moved the matter to another subject. Dr. Ford advised me that Aaron was scheduled for a screening to be a new test subject for her therapy method. I was told that I needed to prep the lab below with John that night for the process. I wanted to ask more, but she took a call and asked me to leave the office.
As soon as I stepped outside of her office, John was there waiting for me. He told me to follow him and we went down to the lab. Once there he had me do some menial cleaning duties. I was wiping off what seemed like freshly dropped fluid spills. I asked John what happened and his reply was simply a series of mutterings. With that, I understood that we would be talking much at all. I was a bit annoyed to be used as a janitorial service considering my position, but considering the secrecy of the lab, I understood the “why” behind it. John didn't help much with the cleaning. He worked on adding a reinforced steel lining to one of the containment cells. I could see what looked like claw marks on parts he was replacing. I shuddered to think of what else was held in these cells I was not privy to.
I was almost done with the final cleaning needs when I found it. I bent down to wipe out some hard to reach gunk from underneath the surgical table. The spot had an odd bend to it that made reaching the mess a chore. I grabbed a screwdriver to help move a panel aside to make it easier. As I did, something fell down onto the floor. At first, I thought it was just another bit of gunk like the rest. Yet, this was a dried and brittle piece. It must have been there for a while. When I went to collect with my gloved hands, it broke apart. I then found that the brittle outer layer was coating something underneath. It was a badge. An ID badge for use here at Colton!
I inspected the badge and saw it belonged to one Matthew L. Anderberry. The ID picture was of a young man with a gleaming smile, maybe in his late 20’s. He had reddish hair and a bushy auburn beard. Within seconds of seeing the badge, the realization of what I was looking at dawned on me. The contorted abomination of a man that I had seen down in the same lab before. The thing that spat up this viscous fluid. The ugly image that carried the same auburn beard. That patient in the cage those few nights ago. It was Matthew, Dr. Ford’s staff member that was hurt in the car accident. I didn’t even see John come up to me. He grabbed the badge out of my hand and stuffed it into his back pocket. He looked at me like he was considering if he should do something, say something. Instead, he just told me to go back upstairs and wait for him by Aaron’s room. I did as he asked and nearly as soon as I made it outside of the security doors..I sank against a wall and fell apart for a moment.
I was nearly certain there was something wrong going on, something foul. Now I knew it. Matthew certainly looked like he might have been in a car wreck, but was that before or after they decided he needed to be part of Dr. Ford’s treatment work? I gathered my mental faculties and made my way to the second floor where Aaron’s room was located. However, before I made it there I stopped by the bathroom and isolated myself in a stall. I opened my browser and did a search for Aaron Nelms. I don’t know why I suddenly thought to do so, but something was tugging at my head for it.
At first, I didn’t find anything useful or notable, But then I refined my search with added keywords like missing, admitted, or jailed for example. Then I found an article that opened this atrocity up for me. The article spoke about a project in Africa where a group of research scientists had been working on a rare plant specimen. This plant seemed to contain properties that would help reverse blindness in humans, or so the local people said. I looked through the article and found one Dr. Nelms credited with establishing a working dialog with the locals allowing them to make headway.
As I dug deeper into this team I finally came to a group image of the research scientist on location. It was dated over six months ago. In that image, to the top right wearing a casual plaid shirt and jeans was the very same man I was to see on the second floor. No doubt about it, that was Aaron Nelms. I dug deeper and deeper and eventually came to a missing person’s notice posted on two social media sites. Both of them were seemingly posted by Aaron’s wife. She stated that he had been reported missing and that no leads were found. The posts were heartbreaking to read. I knew I had to do something, tell someone.
I thought, was it possible that Dr. Ford didn’t know the history of this man? Maybe I could just talk to her and we could all work it out. I was optimistic and...stupid. I made my way out of the bathroom and over to Aaron’s room. John was not there yet. I think he wanted to make me wait for him on purpose just to assert dominance in some way. Maybe he was just being a jerk. I could not tell with that man.
I went ahead and risked a walk into the room. Aaron was sitting on the bed just as before. He was looking at the wall with a scowl on his face. He did not seem to even register my approach. I was about to say hello when he started to speak. He was not talking to me however, he was speaking to the wall. Aaron was telling something there that he can’t help anymore. He said that no matter what, he can’t let his family get touched by it.
I assumed the man was having one of his hallucinations. I interjected his conversation by asking, “Who are you talking too?”. He turned to face me and I could see there were tears in his eyes. He said it did not matter. It was not a who, but a what and that I surely did not want to know. I was bursting inside to ask him about what I had found. To see if he was indeed the same researcher whose wife is lovingly searching for. I went to open my mouth but he put up a finger to silence me.
“It does not matter”, he told me. He told me that I was there to get him ready for the poison. He told me that the thing on the walls already told him what was going to happen. I asked what the thing on the walls was. He just shook his head saying that I was not there yet. I was not built right to see it. I then asked him about the poison, what he meant by that. He replied that the treatment was more than I could see. He said that Dr. Ford was making sure it pulled all the good parts of a mind away from the bad. It was a caustic venom she was milking from the wall things.
I had no idea what he was talking about, and quite honestly he was playing the part of a lunatic quite well. Aaron looked at me and smiled. He said that the thing she calls John is coming and I should get ready. He told me that Dr. Ford hit it again and it’s in a bad mood. Just then John came through the door and he did have an angry look about him. I pulled back to a corner of the room as he walked in. John simply told Aaron to stand up. Even as he said it, he pulled the man from the bed with one arm and manhandled him. He was checking for something on his back. Seemingly finding whatever his target was, he took a syringe from his pocket and injected Aaron with it. Aaron made no sign that he was in pain, or that he was even totally there with us.
John dropped the man and turned to leave. He threw the syringe on the ground and told me to clean it up. He had an ugly sneer as he did. Walking out the door he told me to finish up my reports and be back by eight to start the process. I spent the rest of the day with mixed feelings of fear, anger, and confusion rolling around my head.
As the time came, I made my way down to the underground lab for the last time. John was waiting for me at the entrance. He unlocked the door without saying a word and we went down together. Making our way down the stairs, I could smell a faint stink in the air. Something I was not familiar with. It had hints of feces or strong bitterness to it. Whatever it was, the scent was building by the moment. Dr. Ford was by some of the monitors below with her scrubs on. I was already wearing a set in preparation as well. John had a pair on as well, but his seemed bulky and heavy. I was sure that he was wearing something hard underneath.
Finally, down there on the surgical table was Aaron himself. He was awake but seemed quite apart from the situation going on around him. He was making small movements with his lips like he was whispering something. I followed his eyes and he was staring at a far-right wall. As I did, for just the faintest of moments, I swore I could see something there. I blinked and looked again nothing. I let that moment fall away as just being tired, seeing things in shadows. Looking back at Aaron, He was still looking at the wall. Yet, with his right eye still in place, his left rolled around and looked at me. I didn't know what the hell was going on, and I asked Dr. Ford as to the man’s ocular strangeness. She just laughed and said that I worry too much about the little things. She said that tonight I would be part of the bigger picture.
I think I understand what she meant now, but I hope to god I am wrong. I asked her just what we would be doing too, or rather for Aaron. She told me to stop using his name as it is not allowed down here. She said to refer to him as “C-213”. I was taken aback by her nonchalant tone. She told me to check the restraints and prepare to document the process. I did so and felt horrible right away. These restraints she had on him, they were biting into the flesh of the man. They felt far too tight and when I voiced as much, John told me to shut up.
Moments later the process started. Dr. Ford used no less than eleven syringes filled with various concoctions, to begin with. These were all injected into Aaron’s neck. He again made no motion as she did so. Dr. Ford started to speak, mostly for the record. She said the patient who suffered from multiple hallucinations and various mental issues would be receiving a level three application of the HG solution. She stated it was a modified formula that would help to further the separation of healthy brain segments from the failing ones. She added that the growth supplement would be tested in this trial as well to verify if the removed sections could be repaired by the body itself.
For a moment, I was brought back into the young happy researcher I wanted to be. Once again I thought to myself about all the good that we could do if she was right about her work. Yes, for just a moment I had let the ideas of everything I knew up into point fall aside as my reason for coming surfaced again. Yet, that was not to last for long.
As I looked at Aaron on the table, I remembered the ID card I found under the panel I removed. Matthew, he had been on this table before at some point. He had been given something here. I mind reeled at the thought of what happened that night. What details had I been lied to about?
Dr. Ford went to apply some sort of cream to the injection site. It was not something I was medically familiar with. Oh lord did it stink! It filled the room with the same smell from that night. Almost Instantly I felt the air around me rise in temperature. Aaron buckled and strained against the restraints. Even so, he made no facial suggestions that he was in any form of pain. He, for the most part, looked like he checked out mentally from the whole situation.
Dr. Ford looked towards me and assured me that we were fine. This is how the solution starts. Once the treatment begins, the subject expels a massive wave of heat. She advised it would pass and not to worry. I nodded and maintained my documentation on the process while also keeping an eye on the noted bio-readings on the monitors. Aaron’s heart rate was slow, not dangerously slow, but enough to make me wonder at the details going on inside his body.
Dr. Ford spoke again, Noting that the subject had not shown any signs of discomfort. John just kept walking around the table like a coiled cobra. Ready to strike into action should anything go off the rails. Just as well, because it soon would. Dr. Ford pulled over a set of surgeon’s tools on a rolling table. She inspected them and selected one. She bent over Aaron’s left ear and was getting ready to start. She proclaimed that she would now begin the process of the first incision to determine the status of dying portions.
She sliced into the heated flesh and a rupture of smells came forth. I was extremely nauseated by this point. I don’t have a particularly weak stomach, but this level of intensity was just overbearing. As she continued her cuts, I could see Aaron was saying something. Whispers again at first, but then quite clearly he said: “They want you too”. Dr. Ford backed away, her tool gleaming with blood under the lights. “What did you say”, she replied. Aaron said it again, this time with a stronger tone in his delivery; “They want you too”. Dr. Ford made a motion to John to fetch another set of syringes from a nearby cabinet.
As he moved away, Aaron tore his left arm free from the restraint. A shower of gore blew out from the now shredded section where his hand and wrist connected. Still...no sign of pain came across his face. He used the mangled appendage as a tendril of sorts and latched onto the doctor’s throat. His eyes became rolling flashes of ebon light. With a sickening snap, he broke the restraint on his neck and pulled himself up to face level with Dr. Ford. John was already dashing back to the table, but something seemed to grab hold of him and pull him toward the far right wall. Something seemed to have hold of his leg was drawing him closer.
My attention came back to the table as Dr. Ford started to scream at me for help. Aaron opened his mouth as thick ropes of blackened saliva spilled out. He told her that she had not delivered as they wanted, now they wanted her. What that meant, I could not even guess at. With a vile contortion of his body, Aaron threw the doctor across the lab. She landed close to where John was struggling with whatever had a hold on him. I was having a hard time focusing on anything as the light in the lab was dimming and becoming an almost thick layer of haze.
I heard something akin to a plastic wrapper crinkling but with an accompanied wetness that spoke of a scene, I would rather not see. I let fear take over and dashed to the stairs. I struggled to get up each step. At one point I think I nearly slipped down. I dared one glance back when I was near the top. I saw him, Aaron. He was sitting down calmly in one of the chairs below. Sounds of obscene violence still blowing out from near the surgery table. He looked at me with a serene smile and gave me a thumbs up. Then he said, “Don’t run far”. Even over the mess of the moment, I could hear his words clearly. Somehow, they terrified me more than anything else I saw down there.
I made my way up and ran into the nearest office I could find that was unlocked. I barricaded the door with anything I could find. Then I rested against the wall and waited for something to come. I waited so long, but nothing ever came. Not even a noise. At some point, I must have passed out. I remember waking up today. I had my clothes covered in thick mucus. It must have been from the lab, but I didn't even notice it. My neck had small wounds on it too. Something like ten tiny paper cuts. I checked my pockets for my phone to call the police or anyone for help. I must have dropped it in the run. I looked around and found a laptop on the desk that was in the office. I was able to log in and connect to the local intranet. If the time is right, I slept until late the next day. Checking for active logins, no one seemed to be on but me.
So here I am, alone in this damned place. Now, tonight I am hearing noises out there and I am not sure if I will get another night. I have saved this recording to as many places inside the internal network as possible. Please, if you get this message….do something. Anything.
As for Aaron Nelms...If you see him, be careful. I don’t think the people he talks to in the walls are just in his head. I can hear whispers in this room now.
submitted by Panda_Tech_Support to DrCreepensVault [link] [comments]


2019.11.22 05:19 Two_Ton_Twenty_one My armed friends, I (33F) implore you to reach out to the women in your life about guns, gun safety/proficiency, 2A issues, etc. [this is long (sorry) but very important]

I may get a lot of shit for this but whatever. I’m a 2A proponent and I think this needs to be said.
My dudes, please please please actively try to get the women in your life involved however you can. In a relationship? Invite your wife/girlfriend to go shooting and teach her the basics/safety. Trust me, it makes a good date. If you reload, offer to teach her about it, it’s a great hobby to do together. Is your mom still around? Offer to take your mom out shooting if she’s expressed any interest; it’s good bonding time and it will make her week. Got a daughter? When it’s age appropriate, please teach her that guns are not a gender-specific thing, and show her how to safely and proficiently fire a gun should she ever need to defend herself. Have a female friend that is interested? Offer to take her to a gun show and help her start looking at what gun(s) would be right for her. Above all, DO NOT EVER laugh at any of these women for not knowing the things you know, even if their questions seem silly. We all have to learn somehow. Oh, and don’t fucking gatekeep. I’ve never seen any gatekeeping on this sub (seriously, y’all are very supportive), but I have on others (looking at you, guns!) and it sucks. I’m a woman, and I can safely say that gatekeeping this shit is about the quickest way to make a woman’s budding interest in guns fizzle out and have her hate you and never seek your expertise again.
Virtually every statistic out there shows that women are more likely than men to have negative views about firearm ownership. I’m not going to bother to cite anything specific because I think we can all agree this is common knowledge. However, this desperately needs to change and I beg you to do what you can to help it change. Seeing as I am a 33 year old woman living in the US, I can tell you that gun-negative attitudes among our side of the species are culturally reinforced in ways that you may not even realize. For instance, I picked up a semi-current issue of a major women’s magazine in a waiting room the other day (it was Cosmo or Marie Claire or something like that, but a big-time magazine) and they had an actual “quiz” about whether or not you should date a dude, and multiple “red flag” points were centered around whether or not he’s into guns, owns guns, is a 2A proponent, etc. This editor actually said you should pretty much run away screaming if a potential partner says he owns a gun for personal protection. Apparently, according to them, the only acceptable reason to have a gun is if you grew up hunting. Oh and obviously, his gun repertoire can only consist of hunting guns passed down in his family. Handguns and ARs make you a monster, apparently. I guess the idea of a woman owning numerous handguns and her very own AR-15 (like myself) had never crossed their tiny minds.
What I feel a lot of women miss about firearms is that being able to safely and successfully defend yourself with YOUR OWN gun renders the disparity between average male and female size/strength completely moot. Will having a gun save you in every situation? Of course not. Will it give SIGNIFICANTLY better your odds of surviving a life-threatening encounter with virtually any sort of attacker? Fuck yes it will. Many of the women I know get so caught up in the typical talking heads’ one-liners (“Nobody needs an AR-15!” or “More guns just means more violence!” or “Just call the police if something happens!” etc etc) that they forget how much their own personal safety and their families’ safety would be improved with safe, proficient ability to use a gun. Another thing I have seen to be particularly prevalent is thats some women let others convince them that an attacker is somehow very likely to take their gun away from them, use it against them, and that their safety will drastically decrease if they legally carry a gun...this one is so ridiculous that I cannot believe it works, but it does. I want to shake them and say, “That’s the point of a gun, you idiot! They can’t get close enough to you to do anything to you!” In fact, if any woman reading this is on the fence about owning a gun, please ask yourself: Do you want to level the proverbial playing field against an attacker much bigger and stronger than you? Would you like to be able to walk home alone at night and not feel fucking terrified that a sexual predator will hurt you? Do you want to be able to personally ensure your safety and the safety of your spouse/family during a violent home invasion? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, buy a gun, learn how to safely use and maintain it, and get a CCW.
I lived in shitty places in college because my sister and I were poor and had no choice (you know how it is when you’re a student). I survived four (yes, 4) break-ins, one of them was really ugly and the only reason my sister and I are alive today is because we are gun owners. I won’t bore you with specifics, but let it suffice to say that he probably thought two college girls living alone would be easy pickings so he ended up bringing a knife to a gun fight. Oh and the police took 40 min to get there in a metropolitan area less than 3 miles away from the main police station, no joke. They actually took so goddamn long we had to call 911 again to make sure they were still coming. I told the whole story once on bad_cop_no_donut; the full, drawn-out story is in my post history if you really want to read it. Prepare for some douchery from some other people if you do find the thread; there were plenty of morons who simultaneously deeply distrust the police’s ability and/or willingness to protect you but also think you shouldn’t have a way to protect yourself in your own goddamn home. It made my head hurt.
Lastly, if you are still with me, I want to tell all you Dads with daughters something: Please do not ever underestimate how impactful YOU are to your daughter’s level of comfort/knowledge/confidence with guns. If you teach her common sense and how to be confident in her ability to safely use guns, it is a skill she will utilize for the rest of her life. If her confidence can start with you, she will go far. My dad was by no means the best father but goddamn if he didn’t teach me a metric fuck ton about guns and reloading...and for that, I will be forever grateful to him. My father got me started young, and he tailored his reloads for my size and strength as I grew up. It was fucking great. I still shoot, still go to every gun show in my city (I take my dad a pizza at his vendor table), and I have grown my gun collection over the years. My dad helped me build my first AR-15 recently, and it was amazing. Thanks to the knowledge my father bestowed upon me, I’ve even had the joy of teaching my husband how to shoot and I bought him his first gun, a Ruger SR45 that I am so fond of I may have to pick one up for myself one of these days. Dads, just please don’t let your daughter feel like her safety has to be at the mercy of others; explain to her that she can take the reigns herself, that a bullet from her is just as effective as a bullet from a man. And then show her how to do it, safely of course.
Thank you for your patience, my armed brethren. And thanks for being the sub that is always happy to see anyone legally and safely owning guns, regardless of their race/gender. Seriously, some people on other gun oriented subs are so fucking stupid with racist/sexist bullshit, and while I am relatively new here, I’ve never seen it on this sub. If any of you guys would like some tips about helping the ladies in your life get acquainted and accustomed to shooting/carrying, I’ll gladly give you my take.
Edit: grammar
Edit 2: this is why I love this sub. I have been having nothing but rational, reasonable, polite discussions with you all about a multi-faceted and nuanced topic. You guys fucking rock, and I am deeply appreciative of how you dudes are so proactive and you patiently help the women in your life become confident and safe with guns.
submitted by Two_Ton_Twenty_one to progun [link] [comments]


2019.10.22 16:44 Beards_Bears_BSG Mental Health, Men, and Troll Y

Hello Men, and Not Men alike.
Mental health is something that is at the forefront of being a person today and how we treat it says a lot about ourselves and our society.
At TrollY we want to celebrate all discussions of mental health, and mental health adjacent issues that affect people. I am creating this as a dedicated thread for all mental health discussions, this doesn’t mean to take away from any other stand alone posts about mental health, please keep talking about your anxiety, depression, emotional issues, shit parents, partner issues, and work issues.
There have been a lot of mental health quiz posts which I do love seeing (I took one with my therapist and was instantly convinced there isn’t a single healthy person alive. How the fuck do you get so few 1s and 0s?) but we wanted to also make a dedicated thread where the mods say “We see you” and “We’re here for you”.
So consider this the official Mental Health thread.
“But what should be posted here?”
“I don’t want to make an OP but I still want to talk mental health” – Post
“Just need to get something off my chest” – Post
“I man emotion” – Post you beautiful Neanderthal
So please do not take this to change any of your posting habits (Except for those of who post shit that violates our rules, please change your posting habits) but know that there is a dedicated space for Mental health.
Thanks to the dopest of the dope DanceAissaDance
HelpLine Resources:
Treatment:
Suicide & Crisis:
Financial Assistance:
Advocacy & Legal Aid:
Community Support:
International Assistance:
submitted by Beards_Bears_BSG to TrollYChromosome [link] [comments]


2019.10.08 09:10 just-czeching Finally Telling My Whole Story

I had a series of traumatic events that shaped my young life. Most of my memories of the events were resting dormant until I was held at gunpoint and nearly kidnapped. All at once, my memories became so vivid, forcing me to finally deal with them head on. After being diagnosed with a form of bipolar disorder and PTSD, I began my journey to healing. A large part of that healing process is to tell my story, mostly to myself. The most daunting part was sitting down and digging deep, admitting to myself what had happened to me and finally telling my loved ones what happened, 99% of them for the first time. Be aware that this story contains some graphic stories about self-harm, sexual violence, eating disorders, and suicide. Do not read if any of these trigger you. Keep in mind, this is my story as I lived it. I am sharing it because I am tired of hiding it from everyone when it is such a huge part of the woman I am today.
I'm going to start my story with the journal entry I wrote that got me to this point. Warning. It is a very disturbing journal entry of someone who is clearly not mentally or emotionally sound.
"I lost my journal so I bought another one and am starting over. It's ironic really. I made a post, detailing why the concert was so important to me. A lot of people commented, telling me I can always talk to them and that they are so glad I'm alive. I can't help but wonder if that's true. They would move on quickly. I don't mean anything to them. I know for a fact that they know something is wrong and they don't care. I've made enough posts on social media that are a clear cry for help. No one came to me. They 'liked' the post and moved on.
I deleted my Facebook.
​No one noticed I wasn't around.
No one noticed I wasn't around.
No one noticed I wasn't around.
No one noticed I wasn't around.
No one noticed I wasn't around.
Like I am a ghost.
I told James I tried to kill myself. He thought I was being dramatic. ​ [NEXT DAY]
I decided I should also use this journal to categorize and record my suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming myself. It could make things worse, but maybe it could wake me up and inspire me to get help. Everything is getting worse.
​On my way home from work today, I wanted to cut myself. I've never had that thought. NEVER. That thought to me is worse than suicide. I think about that all of the time. I had a real temptation to see the blood, but mostly the scars. Scars that I can see physically, instead of hiding inside. I wanted to see something permanent. I wanted to be in physical pain because I know it's something that is real. I'm saying this all in past tense, but I still kind of want to.
It makes me so sick.
​I don't know if this counts as a thought of hurting or killing myself, but I don't want to eat. I don't deserve food. I want to be hungry. I want to be weak. I want to lose weight, which would be a perk too. I want to pass out.
I want to melt.
It's been 24 hours. I want to eat, but I won't.
[NEXT DAY]
​I stumbled across something horrid and disgusting. The disgusting part is the effect it had on me.
A convicted rapist posted an AMA. I read it. I should have known better. I should have known better. It started out uplifting, but then someone asked him about his thoughts while it was happening. He said he felt like he was better than them. He said he thought of her in the most degrading way possible. He said she was just a body, a thing. He thought what he was doing was okay because he was better than her.
I sobbed. The thought that people once probably felt that way about me is disgusting. It’s disgusting and probably accurate. I feel like I am nothing. I feel worthless. I feel like all I am is an object and people can treat me like that if they want.
​I don’t want to be here. I’m useless, worthless. I am such an unimportant speck.
[NEXT DAY]
​Yesterday at work, everything hurt. I felt horrible. Every joint hurt. I felt nausea, but worst of all, I had a very deep chest pain, kind of like I just ran 50 miles. Difficulty breathing. It was scary. By the time I left work, I was at the 50 hour mark. I ate half a piece of garlic bread at home. I couldn't eat much even if I wanted to because I had several ulcers on the top of my mouth. My throat hurt and had troubles pushing food down. I feel so drained right now.
​Something else happened at work. I self-harmed for the first time ever. I went and bought a lighter while on my 10 and then I took a pair of scissors with me into the walk-in. I held the scissors above the flame. I pressed the scissors to my skin for as long as I could. It burnt. But it felt good. It felt good feeling the sting throughout the day. I liked it, the release it gave me. I just wanted to do it over and over and over again.
​[NEXT DAY]
According to my workbook, I need to tell my story as detailed as I can. I’m scared, but I am going to try to do this. I also need to share it with my loved ones. I need to reach out to them, it says. I’m more scared of that. I don’t want people to see me as a victim. I don’t want people to look at me like some pathetic, fragile thing. I don’t want them to look at me and only see what happened to me. But, here we go."
Jason
Kayla used to have a lot of sleepovers. I went to all of them. I don't remember the nights individually, as they were all the same. All of the girls would go downstairs to her basement to sleep. Me, being the night owl, would stay up with Kayla's step-dad, Jason, to watch whatever movie he was watching. Her living room was small with a couch, loveseat, and armchair. Jason was always laying on the couch. I would sit in the armchair. Their house was old and in the middle of nowhere. Jason would always persuade me to lay with him on the couch, using the cold air to coax me.​
He would hold me as we fell asleep, I in his arms. I always woke up to the credits of the movie. His hands would always be fondling my chest. I would pretend to still be asleep. Sometimes, his hands would be on my thigh or in my pants. Sometimes I pretended to just now wake up and would go to the bathroom or go back downstairs with everyone else.
He groomed me. He once had me model bikinis for him. I was 13. Kayla had a birthday party at a hotel with a pool. I didn't bring my swimsuit. He offered to drive me to my house. We were in the car on our way, but the he decided to stop at Meijer and buy me one since it was closer than my house. He picked out bikinis for me. I tried them on in the dressing room and he would have me show each one to him. I saw the way he looked at me with each one. I tried on. He would do other things for me when he could like make me food or other things like that, that don't look like anything from the outside.
Any time I was around him, I felt his eyes on me, no matter how many people were around. I felt his eyes burning into my soul.
I detested Kayla come freshman year. She accused me of stealing her haircut and then had it out for me. We promptly quit hanging out with each other. Possibly just in time. I know he did the same thing to another friend before I came along. She subtly mentioned it. I also said something to Kayla about it. To both of us, she explained it away. She said he's just so used to living around girls. That doesn't even make sense, but it did to me then. I didn't say shit to anyone ever, even after I stopped hanging out with Kayla. I thought I was being overly sensitive about it. To this day, I regret my silence and I wonder who came after me.
​After Jason happened, I tried to tell his niece and Kayla what happened, but they didn't listen and shrugged it off, as I mentioned. So I changed my story. I told a different friend that it was one of my parents' friends. That didn't get any of my friends to care about what happened to me so I changed the story again. I told them it was my step-dad. That's when my friends finally cared, but I was unprepared for the level it went to. My friend told her mom and her mom told CPS. A whole investigation was launched. I told everyone the whole time I lied to get attention. I told the police, the counselor, the social worker, my friends, and my parents. I told everyone it was a lie. Once everything was dropped against the only father figure in my life whom I had tragically hurt and whose heart I ripped to shreds, everyone hated me. My friends hated me, my sister, and myself even. I just wanted to die. I didn't know how to fix the pain I caused. No one listened when I told the truth, so I lied. Only, once I lied, did anyone do anything to help me. I had a stint of lying issues after that. I felt like the truth was never good as a lie in other people's eyes. It was a very destructive time for me and my family. ​ One night, I put a plastic bag over my head and wrapped the tape around it. I waited to die, but I never did. There must have been a small hole in the bag.
​My mom hated me for trying to kill myself. "Suicide is selfish." She wasn't wrong, but what she didn't understand is how much I couldn't stand to live with myself. I couldn't bear it. I felt too scarred, hopeless, and trapped. I wanted to be with my big brother in heaven, the only person I knew who didn't hate me.
Life eventually began to go back to normal, very slowly. Everyone's anger and pain began to recede. Until it wasn't okay anymore, until I met someone.
Daniel
I dated a boy named Daniel. We met on MyYearbook. We went on our first date to see a scary movie. My dad dropped me off. The date went swell. Daniel was 18, a quarterback at our rival school. He was so dreamy to me. I feel stupid looking back on it. I thought I was cool for dating a senior on the Jeff football team. I've read stories and seen shows warning about that very situation, a freshman girl falling for and getting taken advantage of by a senior boy who doesn't give a shit about her. To be fair, I never told him my real age.
​I was at his house one night, about 2 months into the relationship. Once again, we were watching a movie. We were also eating pizza his parents left us. No, they weren't home. I accidentally spilled fruit punch on the carpet. He became enraged and told me to go away. He picked me up to bring him to his house so I couldn't just leave. I went to his room and sat there quietly. I could hear him furiously scrubbing the floor in the other room, until it stopped.
He stormed in, still angry. I profusely apologized, tears streaming down my face, but it wasn't enough. He picked me up and tossed me onto his bed. He tore off my pants and I guess you know where it goes from there. I hadn't even had my first kiss yet. I was devastated.
​It seemed so out of character for him. He never gave me a hint that this creature was in him. It only got worse one day. He forced his friend on me. Both of them. It was utterly horrible. But, through the whole relationship, he never hit me. Isn't that some real fuckery? I'd rather him to just kill me. His friend apologized months later. I could actually feel that he was sorry. I have since forgiven him, but I don't even know who he was.
​After the breakup, I told all of my friends at the time he got cancer and died.
Years later, I met up with him again. He said he wanted to apologize so I skipped school, even though I had a serious relationship at the time. I desperately wanted that apology. I even told a friend where I was going, just in case. He didn't apologize, if you know what I mean.
Martin
This is by far the sickest part of my story and the hardest to cope with.
Martin was dating a friend of mine. We went to the same school as Daniel, but was in the same grade as me. We met at youth group. We basically became best friends right away. One night after youth group, he told me he was raped by an ex-girlfriend of his. I came out and told him I have a similar story. We were there for each other. He told me his story, I told him mine, which was much shorter back then, before he came along.
​He told me it helps to be as descriptive as possible. I told him of every abusive moment. He would ask me for more details, asking sick questions like how many times he came. I never opened up to anyone about it before. I thought that was normal. I didn't realize he was just getting off to it.
Martin encouraged me and gave me the support I needed to leave Daniel. A few days after I broke up with Daniel, he broke up with his girlfriend and we began to date.
​Our first date was at his house. He took me to his room to watch a movie. I sat at the opposite end of of the bed as him. I felt uncomfortable. We were watching "Sliding Doors," a movie I used to love, but not anymore. His mom came in and made us go downstairs for obvious reasons. Martin protested, but I didn't. We kept watching the movie on his couch, both of us lying down with a blanket over us. He put his hands down my pants right away. I fidgeted. He re-adjusted. I pushed his hand away. He re-adjusted. He inserted his fingers and I silently cried.
My mom came to pick me up. He said bye by shoving his tongue down my throat. And that was my first kiss.
My dad had health problems. He was in the hospital for a long time. Martin was only concerned if I was going to his basketball game or not. He didn't even want to go to my homecoming dance. We didn't last for long. We broke up pretty quickly. One of my best friends dated him after me. I tried to warn her, but she didn't listen.
Preston
At the age of 16, I began to date a boy, Preston. I guess I was a rebound for him.
One day, I went on a date with him. I don't remember much about our short stint of a relationship, but I do remember the date. We went to an area on a local college campus to walk around. It was winter. I had a speech meet the next day, which means it was a Friday.
After wondering around, we went back to his car. We kissed and then it just kept going on in the backseat. I watched the people walk past the car in the parking lot out of the corner of my eye. I had no shirt on. I was cold. His hands were all over me. I asked him if we could go now, but "No," he said. "I have to break in my new car." I will never forget those words. I felt so dehumanized.
The next day I called out of the speech meet for the first time ever. I couldn't get out of bed. Preston was on speech team. The thought of seeing him there was a daunting thought. I knew my coach would be upset. On Monday morning, at practice, she asked me for my excuse. I asked her for a private conversation so we went to the English department office, where I spilled the beans. I told her I was raped. She hugged me. I felt so dead inside. I felt like my tragedy was hurting someone else for the first time ever. I lied and told her my parents already knew and the police were involved, as a way of comforting her, making her worry less. I felt so ashamed. It was so difficult to talk to her after that moment. Someone knew and I was humiliated.
Carter
I had a downward spiral my senior year of high school. I had a bad breakup, all of my friends moved off to college or just weren't around anymore. I literally had no friends.
Carter was the only one to give me attention and only because he wanted me to sleep with him, even though he wasn't interested in me or I, him. I didn't have enough respect for myself to say no. I slept with him in my room, cried, and then kicked him out. Word travelled quickly. I won the attention of boys. They all knew I was easy and I always gave them what they wanted, but none of them wanted to be friends with me. They just wanted to stick their dick in me. Some even had girlfriends, which just made me angrier about it. What did they have that I didn't?
I was in a numb, cold, dark place when someone finally stood up for me. Bentley was talking trash about my slutty habits. Cody shoved him against a locker and threatened him, at least that's what I heard. I just don't believe the shoving part. Cody wasn't violent. Cody, by the way, was my best friend's little brother. She moved away, but he still looked out for me. It felt good to know someone saw me as a human, as something more than just a numb slut with no self-respect. It was the first time someone showed any care toward me in a really long time.​
I get sick every time I think about that time period. I really didn't care what happened to me, who did what, or who said what. I believed it all to be true and who I was.
I was eventually able to fall in love with the next sweetheart. She and I were short-lived, but she was also what I needed to get out of my darkness.
Locke?
When I got out of bootcamp, I was in a holding unit on a medical hold for a surgery I needed. After a couple of months of being there and a few liberty buddies who had come and gone, I met a guy named Locke, or at least I think that was his name. I don't remember. More on that later though.
For a time, I hung out with my now husband and two other friends of ours. I was trying to deal with my trauma at the time for the first time ever. I wanted the Navy to birth a new me. I told those close friends about some experiences. They were always there to listen.
Locke was a sleeze. You can tell just by looking at him. He would literally drool looking at girls. I think he was an assistant section leader for the opposite duty section. The first incident with him was on one of his duty nights. We walked up to the abandoned third floor of the ship. We sat at the top of the stairwell and just talked, like we had done before as acquaintances, just bored. I don't remember what we were talking about, but this time he randomly pulled his dick out.​
He took my hand and put it on it. He put his hand on my butt. I was frozen, unsure of what to do. He yanked my hair, pulling my face down to eye level with his manhood. Not letting go, he told me to open my mouth.
During all of my scarring experiences, I had these out of body experiences. Every time an assault occurred, I felt like I was floating, I felt like I wasn't there. It's hard to explain. But anyway, that happened this time too, before the assault even started though. I guess I knew what was coming.
When I didn't open my mouth, his grip on my scalp tightened, shoving my face right into it. And then it happened.
I told my friends and they kept me away from him as best as they could in such a small building. They never left me alone at any time. Some time went on and we were able to just carry on. One night though, I was heading down to the female quarters to get something out of my rack when he emerged from out recreation room. Very quickly, he picked me up and took me right up the stairs. I texted James from the top of the stairwell after Locke had gone and told him where I was and to please hurry. When James got to me, I was huddled over and shaking, completely in shock. He rushed to my side and just held me close, comforting me in silence. I didn't even have it in me to shed a tear.
It happened once more, before he left to Pensacola, Florida. I never had to see him again after that though.
After Locke left the holding unit, I was hanging out with an acquaintance. I gave him one of my hydrocodone pills, 350mg each. Then I took one and another and another and another until the whole bottle was empty. We both went to our racks and went to sleep.
I woke up shortly before I had to stand watch. I spent too much time vomiting in the head. I was sobbing. I wanted to just die. How did I survive that? Why wasn't I dead? I should have been dead.
I finally got off of the floor, still sobbing. I went to the current watch stander and told them I woke up very sick. I said I had to go to medical, but could not relieve them. I was almost hysterical. I probably looking like a whiny baby, freaking out over an upset stomach. He got help and a petty officer advised me to go ahead and leave. They thought I was just trying to get out of watch. I could tell it in their voice.
I went to medical, complaining of flu-like symptoms. I received anti-nausea medicine and a sick-in-quarters pass. That was it. I was too afraid to lose my job so I didn't tell them the truth of what happened. This decision proved to be detrimental to my health for the rest of my life. Because my overdose went untreated, I now suffer from brain damage and memory loss. I don't remember much from my time in the holding unit. I also forget a lot of words or common knowledge information. I was once on spell bowl, quiz bowl, and speech team, Now I forget my age frequently and words like "satellite" or "hinge." I will forever be reminded of my failed attempt and how much harder it made my life.
All of my scars are permanent, but I can still heal the wounds. To this day, I deal the scars that this cast of characters have left behind. To this day, I can't cuddle with my husband because of Jason's cuddles. To this day, I still can't have a normal intimate relationship without feeling completely disembodied thanks to Daniel. To this day, I have a hard time talking to anyone about my experiences in fear that I am being used thanks to Martin. To this day, I am stricken with fear when someone walks up to me with their hand in their pocket (story untold currently). The point is, some of these events have felt like a lifetime ago and for this whole lifetime I had been ignoring my weights. I have been living in a state of denial, thinking that if I don't talk about it then it didn't happen. The more I ignore the problem, the larger the monster gets. This year, it feels like it has gotten out of hand. Every day is a constant battle to not harm myself. Every day is a battle to feel like I am someone who is worth something. It is so hard for me to go to my loved ones when I am feeling like burning or killing myself because I know that none of them want to listen to me whine, but that is what is burning a hole right through me. I know I am not alone, but it is so hard for me to sit in a room full of people and not feel like the odd one out, not to feel like a victim in a room full of people who have lived fulfilling lives.
Anyway, hopefully, someone can learn a lesson from my story. Like, how important it is to listen to victims when they go to you for help or to keep an eye out for negative signs. Hopefully my friends and family will now begin to understand me as a human with two debilitating illnesses, without seeing me as a victim. And hopefully I will feel like I can actually go to them now that they know exactly what demons I am fighting.
P.S. All names have been changed.
submitted by just-czeching to rapecounseling [link] [comments]


2019.07.17 08:08 Justwonderinif Genesis

October 10, 2013
Dear Ms. Koenig,
I received your letter today. Thank you for taking the time to write, and also for sending the stamp & paper. This prison does not allow us to receive those items, so it should have been mailed back to you. I appreciate your considering that I may have been low on supplies, but I am very fortunate to have family & friends that have always taken care to make sure I have everything I need. So I have no problem being able to correspond with you.
My attorney Justin Brown wrote me last week regarding his initial conversation with you. He described the things you two spoke about, and he advised me that it would be a good idea to pursue this with you. I wrote him back that I agreed, and I intend to call him as soon as I can so he and I can discuss it some more.
I did have some questions, but most were answered when I received your letter. It made sense that Rabia contacted you and sought your assistance.
  • Sounds like Adnan may have been a bit blind-sided by Rabia reaching out to Sarah. And that Sarah's first letter came as a surprise.
Aside from my mother & father, I don’t think there is anyone who has fought more to prove my innocence. For many years, she has urged me to contact someone from the media, but I have always been very reluctant to do so. The reason being that all the media coverage of the case has been negative, and I did not think any good would come of it. I understood that it would always be a gamble, because if the person did not believe I was innocent, then it would just be another negative report. However, Justin mentioned in his letter that you stated you would not do the story unless you believed I was innocent. And that really allayed my concerns.
  • Sarah Koenig told Justin Brown she would not do the story unless she believed Adnan was innocent.
I’ll be honest with you Ms. Koenig. After about 15 years of studying my case, I can’t point to something and say “This proves I did not commit this crime.” I could describe certain elements of the prosecution’s case that (to me) are pretty unbelievable. I’m not sure exactly what you do know about my case. You wrote that you had read some of the transcripts and spoke with several people involved in the case.
  • Who was Koenig talking to in 2013?
I don’t want to assume what you know, and I think this letter would end up a mess if I tried to explain the things that occurred in my case that prevented me from having a fair trial. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is the Timetable the State presented. Between Jay Wild’s several (completely different) statements and the State’s varying theories, it is not easy to piece together. But in the second trial, the Prosecutor (in closing arguments) summed it up using the records of my cell phone. Basically, they narrated a series of events (according to Jay Wilds) and pointed to an entry on the cell phone record at a certain time as proof of the event. Just as human DNA is used to place a person at a certain location, the cell phone records were used (to me) as a form of technological DNA to place me at a certain place and time. Which sounds pretty good, on the surface. But if you were to backtrack and trace the footsteps of the prosecutors theory, using the calls and times as a marker, I believe it is physically impossible for me to have committed this crime.
Essentially, the theory was that I committed the murder by 2:36 pm on 1/13/1999. (Exact time placed on the phone cell) Now, school lets out at 2:15pm so that leaves 21 minutes. Which may seem like a long time, but it is virtually impossible if you consider the following facts:
(1) The final bell rings at 2:15pm, but you can’t just leave and jump in the car. There are 1500 other students filling the hallways and stairwells of a four story building.
(2) Students are not allowed to park in front of the school building. We had to park in the back. There were strict rules about that. The back parking lot of Woodlawn High School is enclosed within a bus loop (you could Google Map it.). At 2:15pm, every car in the back parking lot is encircled by a ring of buses loading up. You can’t leave until the buses leave. And they wait 10-15 minutes before they fill up and leave.
  • We have this map from Krista saying students were not only allowed to park there, but the upper lot was considered "Student Parking.”
(3) The route to the Best Buy parking lot (where the State eventually settled on as the murder scene) traverses several stoplights and major intersections. There are numerous school buses, and there is a large Social Security Building next door to the school. There is a ton of traffic at that time. Those intersections are packed. So even though the Best Buy is about 1-1 1/3 miles away, it is nowhere near a quick trip (at that time of day).
(4) The state presented that the murder took place in the parking lot of the Best Buy. Now, please keep in mind that at the time, I was 17 years old, like 5’11”, 155 lbs. Hae was 18, 5’8”, 140 lbs. She was a big, strong and athletic girl. She was voted as one of the best field hockey players in all of Baltimore County, and she was a Varsity lacrosse player. How in the world, within a few moments (according to the prosecutor’s timeline) am I able to manually strangle Hae (sustaining no scratch marks, bruises, abrasions etc. on me) [in fact, forensic evidence was found on her body, and the State’s expert said in his opinion it did not come from me] remove her body from the car, carry it to the trunk, and place her in there, in broad daylight at 2:30 in the afternoon? And then I walk into the Best Buy lobby and call Jay Wilds and tell him to come meet me there? I asked Ms. Gutierrez over and over to please have someone try to prove that all this would be impossible to do in 21 minutes. But she declined to pursue it. And it has always bugged me for years, cause I am 100% sure that if someone tried to do it, it would be impossible.
  • Noted that the drive test in Serial podcast was suggested by Adnan, in his first letter to Sarah Koenig, in October of 2013.
  • Adnan never mentions the back way to Best Buy that allowed for a right out of the upper lot, and looks to have been perhaps more rural and faster than the route Adnan is describing. Adnan is telling Sarah, “Hae would have been trapped in the lower lot,” when he knows that Hae was in the upper lot, and they turned right out of the parking lot.
  • Here’s Hae at prom. She’s in 3 or 4 inch heels. Here is a picture of Adnan and Hae at the same event.
  • This is Adnan, in 2013, telling Sarah Koenig there was a pay phone at The Best Buy.
  • Hae's car had a rear seat pass through to the trunk. That's not an uncommon feature.
  • The defense didn't hear "dead by 2:36" until the closing arguments. So how could Adnan have been asking Gutierrez to do the drive test during trial prep? Don't you think that if Gutierrez had presented a drive test showing it wasn't possible by 2:36 that the State would have said, "We don't know the exact time. It's before 3:15."?
I’m not sure if you know anything about all this, so maybe it is confusing. I have a page with the phone records the prosecutor used, and also a page with the transcript lines to detail their Timeline (from the closing argument) It could really be confusing trying to get if from the entire transcripts, cause you’d be jumping back and forth. Justin did a really amazing outline of the trial transcripts as part of his transcript review for my appeal. I’ve always used my notes, but now I use his summary if I’m looking for something particular. I’m going to ask him if he will give you a copy, cause I think it would make it easier for you to find something in the transcript. I’m also going to try to send you a copy of the thing I have in case they may be helpful.
  • Again Adnan is saying the defense heard all this during closing argument but during trial prep, he told Gutierrez it wasn't possible.
  • Did the Justin Brown "summary” inform or drive Serial to such a degree that they relied on the summary over transcripts?
Ms. Koenig. I am not really sure what I should write you about. I guess it would be a really big help if you told me what you want to know. I do want to take some time and tell you about Hae & I.
We met on the first day of 9th grade. We sat next to each other in Biology class. It was a tale of 4, and the 2 other seats were occupied by Irina and Emily. It was funny amongst us because Hae was Korean, Emily was Hispanic, Irina was Russian, and I was Pakistani. Things were cool, until we had our first quiz. It was basically a bunch of terms we had to memorize. So I memorized all of them, and got 19/20’s. Hae got 17/20, and Irina and Emily both got, like 15/20’s. Mind you, these are some really smart people, and I’m the dumb jock at the table. Anyway, they go off on me and said I must have cheated with a cheat sheet or something, cause no way could I have done better than them.
Hae snatched my paper and compared it to theirs, and because we all got 1 of the same questions wrong, she concluded I must have copied off their papers. One of them said, “I bet you don’s know any of these.” I reply, “Go ahead and ask me.” Now, we’re getting kind of loud and of the class is getting involved, joining in. So they start asking me questions, “What is osmosis?, What does the suffix -ose indicate? etc.” I answer each one right, and the girls are groaning while a couple of guys are cheering me on. So finally they concede, and now we’re giving each other high-fives and making a big commotion. The teacher yells at us to be quiet, and when I turn around, I’m smiling from ear to ear. The three of them are glaring at me something fierce. And that’s how Hae and I first got to know each other.
We became casual friends throughout our ninth grade year. We had some classes together, but outside of class we never socialized or saw each other. In our 10th read year, I didn’t see her and heard through the grapevine that she moved to California. She was back for 11th grade, and we had some of the same classes together. Close to the end of the school year, I asked Hae to the prom. She said yes, and we started spending time with each other afterward.
We would do teenager stuff. Go to McDonalds after school, go to movies, the mall, etc. We talked on the phone every night, late into the night. Neither of our families knew about our relationship (in the beginning). We became intimate very early on, and since we couldn’t go to either of our homes, we used to go to motels and spend the day there. It progressed over the summer, but it started to get difficult because of our families. We were both close to our families, and it was hard to keep it a secret. Both of us would get in trouble, and her mother made her stay in the city with her for a few weeks.
So it wore on us both, but Hae took it really hard. Before our senior year, Hae decided to end the relationship, saying it would be better for us to not have to have problems with our families. I was upset, but I accepted her decision, and we remained friends. One night (about 2-3 weeks later) I was at a fashion show at UMBC. She paged me and told me she wanted to get back together.
  • Hae wanted to take a week break on May 15, 1998, before summer break. But within 24 hours she paged Adnan and said she didn't want the break.
So we dated for several more weeks, but the family stuff kept coming up. So she broke it off again at the end of October. I was upset again, but by then it was clear that it was really getting to be a mess with our parents. We remained really close friends.
  • Adnan is telling Sarah Koenig that the final break up was end of October when Krista and Debbie testified the end of the relationship was December 20.
After our relationship ended, we would talk to each other on the phone and still hang out at school. She started seeing someone at her job, and I was spending time with different girls. We were close enough and had the kind of friendship that she told me about getting in trouble for spending the night at her boyfriends, and I told her about hanging out with one girl while getting a phone call on my cell phone from another. (This was a few months after we broke up).
  • Adnan got his cell phone activated the evening before Hae went missing.
  • Hae was dead less than three weeks after she broke up with Adnan.
  • Hae was dead 13 days after she started dating Don.
  • Hae was dead 7 days after Adnan found out Hae was dating Don.
We were close enough that I could tease her about being “a hot Asian chick dating an older white dude” and she would tease me back about being a “Pakistani Gigolo” messing around with different girls at the time.
  • I have a hard time believing Hae appreciated being referred to as a stereotype, even as a joke. And Pakistani Gigolo feels like a handle Adnan would make for himself on reddit.
In fact, one of the girls whom I had spent the night with (the week of January 13th) was [name redacted].
Hae particularly teased me about her because she overheard [name redacted] telling someone in class that now I was no longer with Hae, she was going to try and hook up with me.
I told Ms. Gutierrez about all of this, and I gave her the names of several of the girls so that she could call them to show I wasn’t some dangerous weirdo who was depressed or stalking Hae. But Ms. Gutierrez didn’t pursue it. And I think it would’ve been important to show at trial.
  • Gutierrez used Becky to show that Adnan had interest from other girls, and was not upset with Hae. Sorry Adnan, but that’s preferable to calling several girls to the stand to say, "I wanted Adnan, too, so he could not have been plotting murder during that time, as my interest in him would have prevented that."
A few weeks before she disappeared, Hae called me to pick her up from her job. Her car had broken down, and she asked me for a ride home. When I went to pick her up, her boyfriend was there, and we met.
  • Hae’s car accident was December 23. Hae’s first date with Don and the start of their relationship was January 1. At trial Gutierrez was able to confuse Don about this, but it’s in Hae’s diary. Car accident on December 23. First date on January 1.
So our friendship was enough that she felt comfortable calling me about 10:00 at night to take her home, even though her boyfriend was right there.
  • Don was not Hae’s boyfriend on December 23, and Adnan probably thought he and Hae were getting back together, as they had before."
A few days later, a couple of us wanted lunch from McDonalds, and I drove her car to pick the food up.
  • A few days after Hae’s car accident would have been the school break between Christmas and New Year's.
I mention these things to you Ms. Koenig so you can have an idea of our relationship and our friendship afterwards. I never, not one time screamed at Hae, threatened her, abused her verbally or physically, fussed her out, not ever. We had our disagreements and arguments, as anyone would. But I never did anything to make her feel afraid of me. More importantly, she never told anyone I ever did any of these things. Not one of her friends ever told anyone or came to court and testified that they saw anything like that, or that Hae said anything to them like that. And even more important, in her entire diary, she never mentions any of these things. And she wrote extensively about our relationship. Ms. Gutierrez had a copy of it, and it now is with the files at my parent’s house.
  • Were the files in Rabia’s trunk? Or Adnan’s basement?
I’ve watched a lot of TV over the past 15 years. I always try to catch the investigative news programs like Dateline, 20/20, Snapped, 48 Hours Mystery, etc. I’ve probably seen over 200 episodes with husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend cases. And while they all had different aspects, in almost every one where it was a case of “scorned love” (and not life insurance of affairs) there is always something where the dude has a history of violent/abusive behavior with the lady. Or she had told one of her friends that she was afraid of him or felt threatened. Especially if it was a younger guy. Whereas an older guy may have the presence of mind to mask his true intentions and bides his time, a younger guy would not have the maturity. I’ve never seen a story of 17-year-old guy murdering his 18-year-old girlfriend. I have seen stories of serious violence and abuse between teenage boyfriend/girlfriend, but there is always a history of abuse. A case that comes to mind is the Yardley Love and George Hughely case in the Univ. of Virginia. There was a history of abuse and she had expressed fear to many of her friends.
My point is that I do not fit the pattern at all of any of these profiles, so either I’m the first 17-year-old guy in history who pretended to be my ex-girlfriend’s friend for several months after we broke up, apply to colleges, plan to graduate, work as an EMT, play sports in school, hang out and be intimate with numerous girls, and then all of a sudden, one day, out of the blue, decide to commit murder. I asked Gutierrez time and time again why she couldn’t emphasize this in her defense, but she said none of that stuff really mattered.
  • Three weeks after Hae broke up with Adnan, and thirteen days after she started dating Don, Hae was dead.
Hae was one of the kindest, sweetest, just all-around most beautiful people I’ve ever known. She treated me with all the love and respect in the world. I loved her when we dated for several months, and I loved her as a friend after that.
  • Hae and Adnan were a couple for nine months.
I never, ever would have wished her any harm nor did I have any desire to harm her. I had absolutely nothing to do with her murder. I mentioned in the beginning that i couldn’t really point to anything that said, “This proves I didn’t do it.” Well, I also feel that no one could point to anything in my case and say “This proves I did it.” And that is what frustrates me the most about working to clear my name: I have to disprove something that was never really proven in the beginning.
According to the State, I committed the murder between 2:15pm - 2:36pm. When I was arrested, I received a letter from a girl named Asia McClain. In it, she mentioned being in the Public Library with her boyfriend & his best friend. And that she saw me and spoke with me between 2:20pm - 2:40 pm.
  • Asia’s letters do not say 2:20-2:40. Asia wrote that in an affidavit, after Adnan was convicted, and after Rabia and Saad showed up at her door.
I gave this to Ms. Gutierrez immediately, and requested she contact Asia McClain.
  • Adnan and Gutierrez did not know the state would say “dead by 2:36" until closing arguments. Going into trial, Adnan and Gutierrez did not know what time the State would say Hae was killed, and Asia had not yet said 2:20-2:40.
[Redacted period of time] later, I followed up with her about it.
  • My guess is the time is redacted because Adnan wrote something like “a few days later” which again, places this conversation about two months before Gutierrez was Adnan’s attorney.
She replied that she had checked it out, but nothing came of it. I questioned her again, and she told me it didn’t pan out, and we were moving on. I took her word for it. However, at the end of the trial, I found out she never contacted Asia McClain (through Rabia). When I confronted her, she said, “We have to focus on the appeal.” And remember I said about the timeline; that the State presented the cell phone records to pinpoint exact time? Well, at the exact time the Prosecutor said the murder was taking place, I was sitting in the library with Asia McClain and two others.
  • The redacted line is important because it establishes the time that Adnan says Gutierrez said she checked out Asia. This letter has been made public. This redaction can only be because something about it contradicts Asia, Adnan or both.
And at least she (at the time) was willing to come forward. But Ms. Gutierrez never contacted her. More importantly, Asia McClain mentioned she spoke to the librarian about security cameras. In 2010, Justin Brown contacted the Baltimore County Public Library people about it, and they sent him a letter stating the librarian said she remembered security cameras at the time.
  • Adnan is selling Asia pretty hard here.
I don’t believe it’s so far-fetched to think that if Asia McClain had testified at trial it would’ve caused a different outcome. And while we can’t say the security footage would still have existed from 1-13-99 to 3-2-1999 (the time when I told Ms. Gutierrez), at least she could’ve tried. But she didn’t, now who knows what could’ve happened.
  • Adnan is saying he told Gutierrez about Asia on March 2, 1999. Chris Flohr was Adnan's attorney on March 2, 1999. Yet there is no mention of Asia in any of Chris Flohr's notes. And if there had been, Rabia would have posted them by now. The earliest possible date for Gutierrez to be representing Adnan would be April 7, when her partner went to sit with mosque leaders, as they were vetting a few attorneys to be Adnan's attorney for trial. On March 2, 1999, it's unlikely that Gutierrez was even aware of the case.
  • The first time Gutierrez met Adnan face to face was April 16, 1999, when she first visited him in prison, and yet her partner has never been asked if Adnan gave them the letters that day. The following day, Gutierrez submitted an invoice for $50,000 for her services. Attached to the invoice was a defense recap of all the reasons why Adnan is innocent. Asia is not mentioned in the recap.
  • Adnan retaining Gutierrez was challenged by the State, and there was a hearing on July 23 about whether or not Gutierrez would be allowed to represent Adnan. That same day, the attorney Adnan had retained to fight for Gutierrez was successful, and Gutierrez became Adnan's attorney of record. July 23 is about four months after March 2.
I’m not sure if any of this is helpful at all. I don’t know exactly what you need me to do. I’m willing to answer any questions you have. I’m able to use the phone between 12-1pm in the afternoon each day. If you want me to call you, you just have to tell me which #. I spoke to a Lieutenant about the visit you mentioned. In order for me to have any visitor, I have to submit the full name and address that is on the visitor’s driver’s license. Obviously, I can understand you’d be reluctant to send me that information. It’s weird to even ask you something like that. I don’t know if they would make an exception because you are a reporter. You could call and ask. Other than that, I can’t do anything else. I’ve included a copy of the visiting form so you could see for yourself. If you do talk to someone, and they provide a solution, it would be best to write down their name and the day and time of the conversation. A lot of times one person will say one thing and you could drive all the way up here and still be turned away.
Finally Ms. Koenig, I just want to say that if I wasn’t innocent, I wouldn’t waste your time. I wouldn’t waste Rabia’s time, Justin Brown’s time, or my parent’s time. I would not be sitting around and allowing people to waste valuable time and resources trying to help me. I had nothing [to do] with Hae’s murder. She was one of my best friends.
I’m sorry this was so long and jumped from one subject to another. In the future I’ll try hard to make sure to keep it more organized. But if you decide not to pursue this, thank you anyway for the time you have spent so far.
Sincerely,
Adnan Syed
Earlier version of a similar post.
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